Newborn, as awful as I’ve read? advice please

[Scsredrd]

I’ve heard horror stories of a new baby. To the point where I feel like I won’t cope even though I always thought I would. Is it as terrible as people say? Is it lonely and exhausting? I was ready to go in and take what I had to but honestly the things I’ve heard have made me terrified.

With one baby I found it easy really. He slept fairly well (up for one or 2 feeds a night was typical, occasionally slept through, occasionally woke up more) he napped well, he was generally a happy baby, loved people, could take him anywhere.
With my next baby I found it much harder. He slept awfully (up 10 times a night to feed was typical, 4 or 5 times was a good night, more than 12 was a bad night, sleeping through was unheard of) he napped ok but was often disturbed by his brother or me needing to put him down to help his brother or put him in the pram to take brother to nursery etc, he was a fussy feeder, he wanted to be with me all the time and cried a lot when with me and even more when with other people. And it was harder to go places because I had to take him and his brother who was 1.5years when he was born so every trip felt like I had my hands full!
So it really depends on the baby, plus some external factors.

They're all different my first was always content and happy smiling away and cooing, only cried when hungry.
Then dc2 came along and screamed the house down with Collic for the first 4 months but then she settled down a bit but still cried a lot and needed lots of settling.
Now though they are at school and it was all worth it.

For me it was hit and miss and also very hard.
It really depends on your temperament and that of your baby. Also if you are able to get out and get involved in babygroups (I didn't because of lockdown and also I'm antisocial like that lol, but it was very isolating on maternity and I did feel quite bored and depressed at times).
I look very fondly on those days but realise it's a rose tinted view, I do wish I appreciated it more as I definitely had moments where I was barging in on dh in the middle of the night asking him to swap.
If I recall my DS was very difficult to settle and had bad reflux so didn't like lying flat. He would also scream and cry in the evenings for no apparent reason.
But then there were sweet moments where he was absolutely adorable and the little milestones like crawling etc.
When you look back on it you will realise how quickly that time goes, even though it's hard and you really do have to sleep when the baby sleeps.

Honestly it’s a huge shock to the system, but you just get on with it! My LO had colic/reflux and screamed the place down for about three weeks which felt like months but looking back now (he’s 21 weeks) it really wasn’t that bad. Yes you’ll be tired, you may have a few more arguments with your partner because you are both very new at this and sleep deprived but like I said, you get on with it and get used to it (as I say with a very cranky little boy on my lap after his jabs yesterday lol). You’ll be fine!

I had very bad PND whilst both of my DC's were newborns. I feel sad that I missed out on the newborn bubble as my head was in a very difficult place. They are both the most amazing children now (11 & 13). Every other stage has been wonderful (so far).

I thought I'd struggle and the baby would never sleep and would cry all night. I heard horror stories about breastfeeding. I worried I'd be isolated or bored.

I LOVE it. The baby doesn't cry that much. They woke every few hours through the night, but when they woke they mostly just fed for a bit and then went back to sleep. We would keep this cycle up from about midnight until noon some days, so I'd get quite a lot of sleep really, just not in an unbroken chunk. I made some friends with other people with newborns. Breastfeeding was really easy, for which I felt very lucky.

I'm glad I had low expectations at the start though because it meant that everything was better than expected! I did have friends who had it much harder (babies with reflux etc).

I tried to be laid back. I think that helped too.

Not for me! Both DH and I were expecting hell and it’s been fine!! We are both pleasantly surprised 😀 I think baby boy is quite easy as babies go - he has no health issues etc and has woken up 7 times in the night since birth. I could not be more grateful for that!!!! I’ve struggled with breastfeeding but apart from that it’s been pleasantly fine & enjoyable. I was dreading it after reading posts etc on how awful it is but I’ve realised people only really post online when it’s bad so you only see one side mostly! Xox

As above, the horror stories aren’t the full picture. It’s tough, it’s tiring but it’s also so so rewarding. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and advice and don’t be afraid to politely tell someone when you don’t want their advice.

Sleep deprivation, colicy baby aside it’s the best time of my life

I thought I'd be less bothered by it than I was, I actually found large portions of it just incredibly tiring, mentally draining and tedious. I was unwell all of the time after DD started nursery aged 1, and so was she, so those first 3 months of nursery were hell. I'd worked with children and families my whole life so knew what was coming but the reality still was different to the idea. Also, I was more anxious than I thought I'd be and I had no time at all in my head for DH. I just couldn't be arsed with him.

Now she's 19 months life is MUCH better. As in 60/70% easier. After about 14/15 months for me was the turning point. She eats better, sleeps better, engages better and you aren't as much a slave to naps. (My DD would only nap at home so for a long time I was chained to the house unless I wanted her to be distressed and overtired which I obviously didn't)

But also, tiny babies are adorable. So 🤷🏽‍♀️ swings and roundabouts

Lack of sleep is awful but I soon learnt to nap when baby slept. Night time routine is important

I have a 12 week old currently and it’s been absolutely lovely so far. She is my 3rd, so I think I’m much more laid back this time and going with the flow. I am lucky though she’s a good sleeper and a happy baby. I was worried about the newborn stage as it was tough with my older two, but I’ve loved it this time round! I think it’s very baby dependent but also your expectations. First was a massive shock to the system and a huge change to my life. This baby has just slotted in to what is already a slightly chaotic life with two pre school aged dc. With the first two I thought a routine was essential. This time I let her nap in the sling when she wants, feed on demand, not worrying about routines yet etc and I’ve really enjoyed it!

I had twins - loved newborn stage - had zero sleep and felt like a dairy cow 😂 to be honest I think a lot of people just don't seem to have the resilience they used to. It's what you make of it.

I loved being a mum to a newborn. :) Perhaps I was just lucky, but I had two happy, easy to settle, cuddly babies. I did not find the newborn stage difficult or particularly difficult.

Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done, but if you gave me the option to go back in time knowing everything I do now, I'd still do it all again in a heartbeat.

Peoples always talk/post about the tricky stuff. Less so the easy, lovely moments.
Having a newborn is wonderful, challenging, beautiful and messy.
Now I think we talk, plan and think about it too much.
DS1 had reflux - he was in pain and crying a lot. But he was a delightful easy baby, toddler, child once that passed.
DS 2 was such an easy baby. So so easy. Happy, smiley, slept. Dream baby. He was a challenge 18 months to 4 years. But he was frustrated and wanted to be as old as his brother.

the newborn phase lasts such a short period of time. So very short. Lots of cuddles, milk, nappy. It’s relatively straight forward usually.

I loved the newborn stage, don't get me wrong we had our moments and the "witching hour" was certainly an experience but i honestly enjoyed every moment, even the multiple night awakenings. As long as you and your partner work as a team and establish a good routine as early as you can you'll be absolutely fine. Don't let people put you off if you truly want children, they're only tiny for a short time and the sheer joy of watching them learn and grow far over rides any of the shit stuff.

Makes two of us. It's soul destroying shit.

@Florrey

Wow, my experience wasn't quite that negative but I do understand the frustration of splitting hairs over who's doing what.
I think it's harder if you're both working as well, as you no longer are the "main" carer so both of you are tired and exhausted.. Balancing a baby on top of that can be very difficult.
Also, hate another comment about people not being as resilient, so women with PND just aren't resilient enough are they?

The newborn themselves are hard, But what I found hardest was adjusting to a broken body (birth injury) and adjusting to a change in priorities. For that reason DC2 was much easier - partially because she slept better meaning I slept more and was less tired but I just less broken as a person.

Erm.... as you can see from PP it's totally varied and depends A LOT on the temperament of your baby (which, btw, is just something they're born with...not anything you've done well/wrong) and your own personality.

For me I HATED the first few months with DC1. Honestly, it was really difficult and I missed my old life a lot. He was generally a good sleeper from the off which was great, but he was also a grouch a lot of the day and wasn't the easy, laid back cutie that you could leave happily on a playmat or enjoy a baby group with. It was non-stop attention from me all day. I couldn't do any basic housework without lugging him around (wouldn't be put down) and couldn't relax on the sofa at all. By 5m he was pretty great though, but he has continued to have a bit of a grouchy temperament. It's just him! I found newborn life utterly fucking dull.

With DC2 it was far far easier. DC2 has a slightly more relaxed and chilled temperament than DC1 which has been the biggest difference. I found maternity leave a lot less difficult and dull this time around, but I think that's due to having DC1 to run after!

Loved the newborn phase - and no my babies weren't 'easy', I had zero support network and struggled to establish breastfeeding with my first. But everything about it was just wonderful, hectic, worrying, exciting. It's not all rainbows but that doesn't mean it's a nightmare.

I found this the easiest part and loved having newborns. Every stage has its hurdles and challenges. I went through hell in the pre-teen and teen years. Now out the other side and all is great again

Yes it is extremely hard and very tiring but the hardest bit only lasts for 12 weeks then it’s easy, you’ll be in a routine, baby learns to sleep better and not wake as frequently. It’s super hard but it’s amazing!

I had no problems - times three. Hard work, for sure, and nothing really prepares you for it, but incredibly rewarding.

But don't focus on the "newborn" stage. You'll be a parent for (hopefully) the rest of your life, and the baby phase is only a tiny fraction of that. It passes so quickly. My newborns are all now young adults and an absolute joy to have in my life.

And remember, people love to dramatise the horror stories.