Difficult relationship with 8 year old.

[avocadodi]

Please help me to feel not so alone.
I have an 8 year old daughter. I love her, obviously, but she's such hard work.
She whinges 24 hours a day, she's argumentative, rude, fussy, always feels hard done by. Nothing is ever good enough for her.
She's not very resilient, if something is difficult she'd rather quit.
At meal times she thinks everyone else has more than her, she thinks her little brother has more toys, better friends, nicer trainers etc etc.
She has absolutely everything in the world she could possibly want. Hundreds of pounds of extra curricular activities, nice clothes, a nice house, pets, a couple of friends, large extended family, lovely holidays.
I'm really trying hard not to show her that ultimately I'd rather not be around the whinging and moaning.
Honestly I'll take her out for a girls day and buy her clothes, and toys, and get her lunch.
Then she'll moan that I should have bought her more toys, or 2 pairs of trainers.
I am at a complete loss.
I know she's spoilt, but where do I go from here?

Spoilt and poor parenting.

She sounds just like my daughter at that age.

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD at 15.

Please look in to it. ADHD in girls often presents completely differently to the way it presents in boys.

This is about control. She has far too much of it…

Games console at 8?

Perfectly normal. Used to go on sleepovers with friends and play games with them, and had my own ps1 back in the day by that age. Loads of games are suitable for that age. Spyro... Mario? If you wait until they are teenagers they will have missed out on loads of games that were more suited to younger kids. I have so many fond memories of my mum helping me play Spyro.

Maybe you could bond over the PlayStation instead of putting it away until she's a teenager (which I think is ridiculous). Are there any games she likes that you cold play with her?

DD is younger than yours but she was bought a Nintendo Switch by her dad and because her dad and teen uncle play Fortnite she started playing and it was ruining her behaviour. I still allow her time to play it, but I found other games that didn't cause the behavioural difficulties Fortnite was.

One we found was Yoshi's Crafted World. You can play 2player, one controller each, and we really enjoy that together and it's great bonding time. Now, she often asks to play Yoshi with me on the Switch rather than wanting Fortnite.

Of course we also actually do things together. DD loves drawing, for example, and I read to her everyday, she has her scooter and we go out looking for snails etc.

Moderation!

The issue I have is that her dad wants to spoil her, and I don't, but if he gets wind of me denying her a toy or whatever or not constantly spending money on her, he will say I'm a bad selfish mum who doesn't get her anything and she deserves better. Feels like a losing battle at times honestly!!