Panic attack /husband can not get up in the morning

[micci124]

Hiya all.

Just needed to offload, because I don't feel it's safe to talk to anyone.
I'm a nursing student with two kids aged 9 and 15 and married.
We only have one car that we share. (monetary decision) This morning I have a lecture 30 miles away so I get the train and require a lift to the station and walk the 4 miles back home as other half needs car for work. Problem is he doesn't get up early enough and it becomes a problem as his rushing around stresses me..I sometimes get the train by the skin of my teeth. He says getting up earlier isn't compatible with his schedule completely neglecting my stress levels and schedule. This morning was awful.i got up an hour before I had to leave, made kids breakfast, made husband and my lunch but I didn't end up going into uni at all..he tidied up all the coats the week before and couldn't tell me where he had put mine..it was 10 minutes before we had to leave for the station..he STILL hadn't eaten breakfast or packed his work bag and was constantly reminding me of this whilst frantically searching for my coat....and he was shouting because I was stressed about the mislaid coat he mislaid and he couldn't tell me where it was...it all just got too much and at 7.55 I knew I wasn't going to make my train so in tears and felt I was having a panic attack..so I cancelled my ticket. Just feel that my feelings aren't heard or considered. My nursing degree is important to me and I just feel my husband just gets in the way sometimes. I cannot afford a second car so I'm reliant on him for the lift..but at what cost? I just want to get up, do my stuff in a chilled way and leave on time with none of his drama which is caused by his not getting up an hour before with me. He just refuses to get up as it's not compatible with his schedule..yet it impacts mine. He doesn't understand my feelings at all. I don't have anyone to talk to as he bollocks me for embarrassing him when I talk to friends about it. Sigh

He's not embarrassed about creating the situation, he's embarrassed at being called out on it.

The coat thing though was compounded by him being up late and last minute as usual. It was you who missed out not him.
I very much agree with the I’m leaving at 7.45 approach with or without you and just go. If he’s there then he gets car. If not then he can walk and get it from car park it’s only same distance as you do at night (if he says I’ll be late for work - he didn’t give two hoots about you being late or missing Uni) If you are genuinely frightened about repercussions of using your joint car then you have much bigger issues.

Where did he tidy coats from?

All coats??

Why didn't he put them back as soon as guests left-before he "forgot" where he tidied them to?

Most of the things you say need to be sorted the night before.

If he’s not getting up and you’re going to miss your train then you’ll have to take the car and he’ll have to get a taxi to the car.

@micci124 Why?
If you walk 4 miles back from the station, if he pulls this stunt again, why don’t you simply drive to the station in the morning, then he can walk 4 miles to collect the car.
If you can walk the 4 miles, why can’t he? (Assuming there’s no medical issues etc…)

There's no way I’d put up with this faffy, selfish shit.

Why doesn’t he think about you? Does he miss his own things? Don’t diminish what he’s actually doing to you. Could you afford a moped? What about cycling? He’s being an absolute arsehole to you.

Not read it all

Get all your stuff ready the evening before
This includes
Clothes, coats
Packed lunches
Breakfasts
Agree deadline for transport and a plan B for transport

Ensure that you complete your nursing qualification

I would go off my fucking head if my husband sabotaged my career like this.

Why? Why should she do all that and compensate for her DH not wanting to get up a bit earlier so she can catch her train?

does he not benefit from her making his lunch?
why should the OP plan for him to be late? Is it really too hard to ask him to make an effort once or twice a week?
should she also prepare his clothes etc… just in case maybe?

or instead, he should just get up and actually support her instead if being obstructive.

Because I do this
I get my stuff ready the night before
I've cycled or walked when I haven't had a car
I've got my head & arse into gear & taken responsibility for myself, because nobody else is going to do that for me !

You have to think about the end goal & the future for yourself

And by doing that you’ve (over)compensated for your partner’s crap attitude and you think it’s ok to do that??

or are you saying you do all that but you were single and no one was there to put nurses in front of you?

the issue isn’t that the OP isn’t getting ready in time. It’s the fact her partner is doing it’s utmost to make it as hard as possible for her. Of course, she can decide to act as if he wasn’t there. Ensure he never touches any of her stuff ‘just in case’. And never relies in him for anything at all.
But that won’t change the real issue. That he is sabotaging her efforts to get her qualifications. And that he s a crap partner

Take the car. He can collect it when he needs it.

I agree with taking the car. He is only going to change if he is inconvenienced by not changing, and taking a taxi is only going to financially inconvenience you