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Original poster

mature couple moving in together - too early right?

90 replies

onesize · 03/05/2022 09:27

I met a lovely man 2m ago. We really get on v well and I like him. Unfortunately he has not got a job. He has been out of work for 2 years and initially I thought he early retired (50) but he says he took a break and now he is looking to return to work. He has a house and lives there with 2 adult children. I am 38 and live in a comfortable 2 bed, v good job and happy with my arrangement. He recently asked me to move in with him which I must admit was overwhelming. I am used to my own space and can not see myself going from comfortable 2 bed apartment to a house with 3 adult men. His children are very messy. Also we have a very different view on home deco so I would not feel at home there at all. I politely refused saying that perhaps one day but truly I do not think I could live there. I am happy when he visits me but I do not like going over there. I feel a bit too early to ask me to move in and also why would he think I'd like that if he saw my comfortable apartment and what I like?

OP posts:
youlightupmyday · 03/05/2022 09:28

Run

britneyisfree · 03/05/2022 09:32

youlightupmyday · 03/05/2022 09:28

Run

This.

He wants you to pay the bills and clean the house!!!!!!!

Octomore · 03/05/2022 09:35

2 mths is way, way too early.

Beamur · 03/05/2022 09:36

He wants a house keeper.
Don't move in.

Sidge · 03/05/2022 09:37

He wants a housekeeper.

pinkyredrose · 03/05/2022 09:37

He wants someone to clean up and cook for them!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/05/2022 09:38

run

He wants someone to look after him.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 03/05/2022 09:38

Oh hell no!

He wants a live in maid and cash cow. Before you know it, it will be "But I've lost my benefits because you've moved in, so you need to give me £££ for bills..."

SleepingStandingUp · 03/05/2022 09:41

As someone who's partner asked her to move in with hi mat 2 months and did so by 4 months, I'd also say it's a red flag. We were both alone and moved into a new home together with a view to marriage and children, both worked . Totally different from moving in with his adults kids and cancelling our his UC claim with his wages so you have to pay the bills cos you'd be paying them in your own place anyway. And you won't be Expected to clean, but you'll do it anyway because you won't be able to put up with the mess. And you won't be EXPECTED to cook but you'll end up coming for them anyway as you're coming for yourself.

Continue to date if that's working for you but def no more until he has an empty house and a job

DenholmElliot · 03/05/2022 09:44

Where did you meet this unemployed 50 year old? If it was online I'd say you've been targeted, sorry.

MaChienEstUnDick · 03/05/2022 09:46

If you want to spend a couple of years as an unpaid housekeeper and cash cow, then crack on. I suspect you don't though.

Read up on lovebombing - too much too soon is a wider red flag than someone simply wanting a cleaner. Then run.

SignOnTheWindow · 03/05/2022 09:47

Put on your trail shoes and run for the hills! Otherwise you'll be paying his bills and doing his house work before you know it.

ArtetasSmoothBallsack · 03/05/2022 09:49

No way.

Absolutely not. You'll become his maid.

dudsville · 03/05/2022 09:53

I wouldn't, and I would question the judgement of anyone asking this of you in your situation. He's clearly not thinking of what's best for you, and no one looking at your situaiton would think this is step forward for you. Becuase of this it would also lead to me ending the relationship.

thesugarbumfairy · 03/05/2022 09:53

Like everyone has said, he wants a housekeeper. One that has a job so he doesn't need to get one.
Stick to your guns OP.

Snoken · 03/05/2022 09:54

Oh, this is the worse idea I have ever heard of. Do not move in with him and his adult sons. You will be absolutely miserable. He has nothing at all to offer you, but you have a lot of things he wants.

Clymene · 03/05/2022 09:55

No one in their right mind 'takes a break' from work at 50. He's a work shy lazy sod who is looking for a cleaner who provides sex.

Bin him off.

billy1966 · 03/05/2022 09:58

Hilarious OP.

Of course he is looking for a skivvy, with a job.

You really need to raise your bar.

Original poster
onesize · 03/05/2022 10:03

yes I get your points, also he talks a lot about the value of his house and his pension - it kind of feels as if he is trying to show off so that I get impressed and fall for it but it is not my house, not my pension so why would I even consider it? there is a lot of money talk in that family

OP posts:
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 03/05/2022 10:07

Tell him to get a job then ask again when the "children" have left home. Don't sell your home and definitely don't get married or consolidate assets. Actually, scrap that, just run.

MountainDewer · 03/05/2022 10:17

onesize · 03/05/2022 10:03

yes I get your points, also he talks a lot about the value of his house and his pension - it kind of feels as if he is trying to show off so that I get impressed and fall for it but it is not my house, not my pension so why would I even consider it? there is a lot of money talk in that family

He’s trying to pretend that he’s not going to leech off you.
But 2 months… why the rush?
I wouldn’t be continuing this rship if I were you…

Daenerys77 · 03/05/2022 10:19

Two years is a long break from work, but I suppose your predecessor was paying the bills.

SunshineAndFizz · 03/05/2022 10:20

Just say no, perfectly reasonable. Just too early, simple as that.

Ihaveamagicwand · 03/05/2022 10:24

Getting ‘Seven Brides for Seven Brothers’ vibes off this one! Keep your own space.

Alternatively run!!

Lindy2 · 03/05/2022 10:25

Far too soon. I would be very wary as to why he has suggested this so ridiculously soon in a relationship. You hardly know each other!

Also, unless he has other income sources, early 50s is too early to not be working. He should to be financially stable and independent before even considering your relationship as long term.

I hope you aren't funding him OP?

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