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Original poster

mature couple moving in together - too early right?

90 replies

onesize · 03/05/2022 09:27

I met a lovely man 2m ago. We really get on v well and I like him. Unfortunately he has not got a job. He has been out of work for 2 years and initially I thought he early retired (50) but he says he took a break and now he is looking to return to work. He has a house and lives there with 2 adult children. I am 38 and live in a comfortable 2 bed, v good job and happy with my arrangement. He recently asked me to move in with him which I must admit was overwhelming. I am used to my own space and can not see myself going from comfortable 2 bed apartment to a house with 3 adult men. His children are very messy. Also we have a very different view on home deco so I would not feel at home there at all. I politely refused saying that perhaps one day but truly I do not think I could live there. I am happy when he visits me but I do not like going over there. I feel a bit too early to ask me to move in and also why would he think I'd like that if he saw my comfortable apartment and what I like?

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 03/05/2022 18:12

He is fairly long-term unemployed, older than you and clearly wants you to pay and do all the grunt work. It’s been two months.

I’m very concerned that you need to seek second opinions here. Are you vulnerable?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/05/2022 18:15

Herejustforthisone · 03/05/2022 18:12

He is fairly long-term unemployed, older than you and clearly wants you to pay and do all the grunt work. It’s been two months.

I’m very concerned that you need to seek second opinions here. Are you vulnerable?

I agree it's genuinely quite worrying you're still with this guy!

And you're 38, I thought when you said 'mature couple' you were going to both be 60+.

You're so young, please don't think this is in any way a normal or ok request from him.

It's batshit!

Chinuplippyon · 03/05/2022 18:19

No way! Did he say he was retired early? If he did that was a lie to make you believe he is well set up financially. At best asking someone to move in after 2 months is terrible judgement on his part (and would be on yours to accept). This one smells fishy. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the latest in a series of 'housekeepers with benefits'

VaddaABeetch · 03/05/2022 18:23

A nice young nurse with a purse. I’m 52 female, where do I find my male version?

billy1966 · 03/05/2022 18:25

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/05/2022 18:15

I agree it's genuinely quite worrying you're still with this guy!

And you're 38, I thought when you said 'mature couple' you were going to both be 60+.

You're so young, please don't think this is in any way a normal or ok request from him.

It's batshit!

Show quote history

38 is absolutely in your prime.

You are with a long term unemployed man who lives inna mess with two sons.

He has clocked your youth, job, lovely home and thought I'll have that.

Why you would consider this old man is beyond me.

He sees you as a nurse with a purse for his retirement.

Dump.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 03/05/2022 18:35

Run!!!!

muddyford · 03/05/2022 18:35

Two months? I spent eight months researching a puppy!

CandyLeBonBon · 03/05/2022 18:37

Are you snow white?

It's a terrible idea.

The hills are that way >>>

2bazookas · 03/05/2022 18:43

"Congratulations One ! You have passed our probationary period with flying colours and we are now happy to offer you a fulltime position as our unpaid housekeeper/cook/ skivvy.

PS,. bring your bank card as you'll need it when buying our food and paying the household bills."

Kind regards
3 slobs with no job.

viques · 03/05/2022 18:46

I assume you are working full time , so why would you want to take on another full time job caring for three grown men , because let’s face it, that’s what you would be doing when you got home everyday. Cooking, shopping, cleaning, washing then a quick nighttime fumble and off to work again in the morning.

DatingDinosaur · 03/05/2022 18:49

Christ, I’d have laughed in his face. 2 months is far too early to be even thinking about moving in with someone.

How did he react when you said no?

VintageGibbon · 03/05/2022 18:53

Keep your own home. I wouldn't move in with someone within the first year of knowing them. Didn't even move in with DH until we got married!

Suzi888 · 03/05/2022 18:55

If you enjoy his company, simply carry on as you are.
Two months is way too early.

diamondpony80 · 03/05/2022 18:56

From reading your opening post I can’t think of a single reason why it’d be a good idea to move in with him.

TimeToLose8 · 03/05/2022 19:01

I have been there and done that (sort of). Fortunately no adult children. But I would NOT do it again. Just keep refusing. If you enjoy the relationship as it is, then keep it as it is.

Mine was a little more complex, but if I knew now etc etc.

motogirl · 03/05/2022 19:04

We decided to live together after a month, but kids are adults and I was moving into his temporary house with a view to buying once our respective divorces were sorted (we met after we split from our ex's I should add!) all worked out but you describe quite different circumstances

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2022 19:17

Dump and run

Arrivederla · 03/05/2022 19:20

Why are you even thinking about this??! It's a straight 'no'!

fishingforflies · 03/05/2022 19:37

Wow!

I can't even imagine the cheek of the guy - an unpaid housekeeper to him and his two sons?

No. Thank. You.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 03/05/2022 19:46

No x 84999264746992

badhappening · 03/05/2022 20:24

Red Flag alert.
Don't do it.
Please listen to your gut.

carrotcruncher81 · 03/05/2022 20:25

Don't do it!!

Patienceisntvirtuous · 03/05/2022 20:44

I love how people are telling the OP she's still young at 38-I mean I totally agree, she is! But when I described my situation some time ago I was told me and my partner were 'middle' aged in our very early forties!

I love the '3 slobs with no job' description Grin
OP there seems to be no advantages (for you) in moving in with him? And you don't want to. That's good enough. I'd treat carefully with this one.

billy1966 · 03/05/2022 21:14

2bazookas · 03/05/2022 18:43

"Congratulations One ! You have passed our probationary period with flying colours and we are now happy to offer you a fulltime position as our unpaid housekeeper/cook/ skivvy.

PS,. bring your bank card as you'll need it when buying our food and paying the household bills."

Kind regards
3 slobs with no job.

"3 slobs with no jobs, sums them up nicely"🤣

Overthewine · 03/05/2022 22:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.