Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

mature couple moving in together - too early right?

90 replies

onesize · 03/05/2022 09:27

I met a lovely man 2m ago. We really get on v well and I like him. Unfortunately he has not got a job. He has been out of work for 2 years and initially I thought he early retired (50) but he says he took a break and now he is looking to return to work. He has a house and lives there with 2 adult children. I am 38 and live in a comfortable 2 bed, v good job and happy with my arrangement. He recently asked me to move in with him which I must admit was overwhelming. I am used to my own space and can not see myself going from comfortable 2 bed apartment to a house with 3 adult men. His children are very messy. Also we have a very different view on home deco so I would not feel at home there at all. I politely refused saying that perhaps one day but truly I do not think I could live there. I am happy when he visits me but I do not like going over there. I feel a bit too early to ask me to move in and also why would he think I'd like that if he saw my comfortable apartment and what I like?

OP posts:

Bananalanacake · 04/05/2022 07:15

Have I missed something, where does she say the 2 adult DC don't work?

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 04/05/2022 08:13

After 2 months????

The hills are thata way ➡️➡️➡️➡️➡️

Bananalanacake · 04/05/2022 18:59

Say to him,, 'I have thought about it and I am happy to move in with you, AFTER we have been together for 6 years and on the condition you have a job'
His reaction will tell you everything.

Lordamighty · 04/05/2022 19:01

He wants a free housekeeper.

viques · 04/05/2022 19:25

He has seen how clean and comfortable your home is and fancies the same. Try telling him about your marvellous cleaner who comes for two hours a week and is well worth the £16 an hour you pay her, say you think she would have his house licked into shape in no time, though the extra work would probably take her four hours a week for at least the first month until she had the deep cleaning under control…………

😇

Bednobsbroomsticks · 06/05/2022 08:15

Noooo. Nope . No way never in that order x

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 06/05/2022 08:22

Clymene · 03/05/2022 09:55

No one in their right mind 'takes a break' from work at 50. He's a work shy lazy sod who is looking for a cleaner who provides sex.

Bin him off.

Summed up succinctly and correctly. What's "lovely" about a lazy workshy guy? Why does he need to take two years out to look after his kids, who you have said are adults? They wouldn't have needed looking after two years ago unless they have special needs.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 06/05/2022 08:28

2bazookas · 03/05/2022 18:43

"Congratulations One ! You have passed our probationary period with flying colours and we are now happy to offer you a fulltime position as our unpaid housekeeper/cook/ skivvy.

PS,. bring your bank card as you'll need it when buying our food and paying the household bills."

Kind regards
3 slobs with no job.

Three Slobs With No Jobs! Sounds like a good idea for a sitcom. Love it.

Discovereads · 06/05/2022 08:36

I don’t think the issue is that it is too soon, the issue imho is that moving in with him is a bad idea for you no matter when he suggests it in his current situation. If he gets a job and the adult children move out, it may be a good time then to think about living together. But if the situation is the same a year from now, it would still be a bad idea to move in with him.

AngelinaFibres · 06/05/2022 08:50

Beamur · 03/05/2022 09:36

He wants a house keeper.
Don't move in.

This . You will end up cooking and cleaning and washing for 3 men. Once you have moved in he will suggest that you rent out your flat and then pay the money to him as rent for living in his house. The fact that he hasnt worked for 2 years is a real turn off. Run now. Run Run run

ShandaLear · 06/05/2022 08:59

Even if he had a full time high earning job, an immaculate mansion, a full time cook and cleaner, and no dependents living there, 2 months is still way too soon. As it is, he has none of those things, but I’ll bet he’s hoping you provide at least some of them. If you agree get ready for a lifetime of cooking, cleaning, laundry, and paying the bills.

AngelinaFibres · 06/05/2022 09:00

You are 38, good job, nice house, lovely life. What on earth are you doing with a 50 year old with no job, adult children still at home ,who lives in a grotty house. He wants a housekeeper with added sex and the prospect of a carer when he is old and rickety. When you are young the age difference has different issues ( greater life experience on one side, more money,one party wanting children before the younger party is ready). When one of the couple is well into middle age there are other issues. You havent had the good bits ( doubtful given what a blob he sounds) of being with this man when he was younger so you will mainly get the old git bits.Walk away. You are worth so much more

nomistake · 06/05/2022 09:05

It's not about it being too soon. You've said yourself you wouldn't want to live there because it's dirty and you don't want to live with 3 adult men. Also him not having a job is massively off-putting.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 06/05/2022 09:09

Run far far away. Love bombing.

Iwonder08 · 06/05/2022 09:10

Parking aside obvious issues.. Can you see literally any benefits of moving in with him?

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread