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Original poster

Asking a guy out for coffee - how does this sound?

115 replies

Scampi89 · 01/05/2022 20:53

Hi. I’m currently separated from my husband and we are divorcing.
I really like one of the dads in my DS’s class. I was thinking of asking him for a coffee, very casual, just to see if we’d get on or not, I’m not diving into another relationship. How does this text message sound?
”hi, I wonder if you’d fancy meeting for coffee with a fellow singleton? Very casual, no pressure.”
What do you think? I’m not very good at this sort of thing.
Thanks

OP posts:
fishingforflies · 01/05/2022 23:46

Please don't!
The school gossip spreads so quickly and even the kids & teachers find out.
As pp just said....don't shit where you eat.

TossaCointoyerWitcha · 02/05/2022 04:18

fishingforflies · 01/05/2022 23:46

Please don't!
The school gossip spreads so quickly and even the kids & teachers find out.
As pp just said....don't shit where you eat.

Hmph... my ex ended up hooking up with another school dad. He moved in during lockdown and they've been solid a good couple of years now. I'm sure there was a bit of gossip behind closed doors, but to be honest, it didn't really case any palaver because most people were of the opinion it was none of their business and didn't want to rock the boat.

TossaCointoyerWitcha · 02/05/2022 04:20

PS: if your not really seeing anyone on the school run anyway, then feeling red-faced at the school gate, should you break up, isn't really going to be an issue.

AncrenneWisse · 02/05/2022 04:47

My friend met her partner of almost 25 years at the school gate, so sometimes it works just fine. But I wouldn’t do it by text, as others have said. Try to engineer a meeting at pick up or a class event and take it from there.

Vikinga · 02/05/2022 04:58

Just ask him for a coffee. I don't understand the big fuss about school dad. So what? It's no big deal that your kids go to the same school.

DropYourSword · 02/05/2022 05:26

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 01/05/2022 21:36

“You can’t SAY you’re breezy! That totally negates the breezy!”

Just ask if he fancies going for coffee. That’s all.

I was thinking exactly this!

I'd remove any mention of "singletons" "casual" and "no pressure".

If you say that it's casual, it no longer feels casual!

If you do send a text I'd say something simply along the lines of "Hey, did you fancy going for a coffee after drop off on Wednesday"

Crazykefir · 02/05/2022 05:41

I think it's fine to text him, as you say your never on the school run anyway and you'll be able to drop the kid/s off at school parties anyway soon.

Crazykefir · 02/05/2022 05:41

^soon.

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 02/05/2022 05:45

Coffee is one of the best things ever OP because you don’t need to say anything else, it’s always more casual than a drink or dinner so you don’t need to spell that out.
really wouldn’t worry about the school dad thing, who cares? Just text him and say you’re getting coffee tomorrow/whenever if he wants to come. That’s all that needed

Suprima · 02/05/2022 05:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Original poster
Scampi89 · 02/05/2022 07:07

thanks everyone
funnily enough, there is a school party in a couple of weeks… so will chat to him then see if it feels right to ask him out. F2f probably better then text.

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 02/05/2022 07:15

I’d ask him for coffee the same way I’d ask a school mum out for coffee. In fact I’ve just done that with a mum I ran into on the train. We had a good chat, seemed to have plenty in common and I suggested a venue that’s just opened so we checked it out on Friday. I’m not interested in her romantically but the initial stages of forming a friendship are the same. Good luck at the party - hope it goes well.

Midlifemusings · 02/05/2022 07:16

You aren't single so certainly don't start off with a lie.

SD1978 · 02/05/2022 07:24

That's a vaguely creepy sounding message- sorry. Sounds like you either want a relationship or a day time shag. Can you not juts ask in person at pick up?

orangeisthenewpuce · 02/05/2022 07:30

I'd say don't ask him. Even if you chat and get on well at the school event. You run the risk of him saying no (fair enough) but also of his child knowing that you asked him and he said no, then his child telling everyone in the class and embarrassing your child. If he's interested he'll ask you out.

Sunflowergirl1 · 02/05/2022 07:35

As long as you are separated and not living in the same house as your ex, then I would go for it. F2F better but you have to grab life and opportunities.

hotchocandtwosmokybacon · 02/05/2022 08:01

Don't mention singleton and no pressure. Too awkward and obvious. Just mention cofee some time. Face to face will eventually have to follow up with text anyway unless you will agree on date and time on the spot.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 02/05/2022 09:29

I don’t agree with everyone telling you to stay away from a school dad. Would they tell you to stay away from coworkers too ? I mean, you have to meet people somewhere ! Bin the framing around your message and be direct - “fancy a coffee sometime ?” and best of luck to you, go for it !!

HYT · 02/05/2022 09:38

I would absolutely 100% avoid a dad of a child in your child’s class. That has got recipe for disaster written all over it.

larkstar · 02/05/2022 10:09

As a guy - I'd think it would be a very nice and rare thing to happen - I don't see a problem with someone you meet on the school playground - better someone you know a bit instead of a complete random-er. Just don't over commit or over invest - but go for it IMHO but there are potentially all sort of things you don't know about him - maybe he has something going on with someone else or there are aspects to his life, lifestyle, interests, etc that won't appeal. Ask him in person - if you've got time do you fancy doing something different, a change of scenery - get some coffee? It may not work out - plus - it sounds like you need the practice/experience! It's nice to get to know people - even if it's not romance - plenty of other relationships can still mean a lot - it's good to have a variety of relationships that work on all kinds of different levels.

watcherintherye · 02/05/2022 10:22

Next time you have a chat somewhere - school party, school gates, hopefully goes on for a bit - say cheerily when you part “Lovely chatting! We’ll have to go for a coffee sometime!”!
It’s just the kind of throwaway remark acquaintances say all the time. It’s either picked up on, or not. No embarrassment either way. If he’s interested in a coffee etc., he’ll follow it up, I’m sure!

NashvilleQueen · 02/05/2022 10:53

Have you spoken to him before? Is there a spark?

I would definitely not mention the word singleton.

I can understand the reticence expressed by others in dating the dad of your son's classmate. I wouldn't do it by choice I have to say.

NashvilleQueen · 02/05/2022 10:54

I don’t agree with everyone telling you to stay away from a school dad. Would they tell you to stay away from coworkers too ?

Your children don't typically spend half their lives with your co-workers' children. My daughter would be absolutely mortified if I started dating the father of someone in her class.

PumpkinsandKittens · 02/05/2022 11:00

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 02/05/2022 09:29

I don’t agree with everyone telling you to stay away from a school dad. Would they tell you to stay away from coworkers too ? I mean, you have to meet people somewhere ! Bin the framing around your message and be direct - “fancy a coffee sometime ?” and best of luck to you, go for it !!

The thought of dating someone I see every day twice a day sounds like a complete nightmare to me, that’s not the mention the fact he may not be interested (embarrassing) or if things end bad you will have to constantly see them every day, twice! I wouldn’t date a coworker either though... for the same reasons but the school dad one is more awkward as kids involved

orangeisthenewpuce · 02/05/2022 11:03

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 02/05/2022 09:29

I don’t agree with everyone telling you to stay away from a school dad. Would they tell you to stay away from coworkers too ? I mean, you have to meet people somewhere ! Bin the framing around your message and be direct - “fancy a coffee sometime ?” and best of luck to you, go for it !!

No but that's because your coworker's children and your children aren't in the same class.