So hurt

[IcePoppy2]

I have nobody to talk to about this. Me and dp have been arguing this morning, mainly about the kids/house work. Because he realised eventually he was in the wrong, he decided to get personal. He said I’m fat, ugly and scruffy. I should go and look in the mirror to see just how ugly I am. Even if I lose weight, it won’t matter because the damage is done and I’ll end up with loads of saggy skin. Nobody else will find me attractive and if they do they will be desperate. He feels sorry for the next person that would end up on top of me. He wouldn’t leave the house if he looked like me. He looked me up and down and laughed at me. He will have no trouble moving on because he gets lots of looks/flirting when he goes out apparently according to him. This is everything he said to me. How am I meant to get past this? I have never been so hurt. I never, ever said anything personal about him during this argument. I can’t imagine carrying on the relationship after what he’s said. I know that eventually he will apologise and say he didn’t mean it and that he only said to hurt me. But I genuinely can’t imagine ever moving on from his words. My self esteem was already non-existent before this which he knows. He’s gone out somewhere now in a strop. Actually hoping he doesn’t return

So not only did he not mean it, it's also your fault that he said it.

Stand firm and dump him - what he's said should only make you more angry.

He did mean it. You know he did. If you’re planning on staying with him, which I assume you are, what little self esteem you have will be gone as you will know what he thinks and he will have even less respect for you than he does now as you took it and stayed which tells him yoire ok with it.

Relationship over

Op are you financially reliant on him?

Sorry been a bit busy. He came home a little while ago and apologised. I told him sorry isn’t good enough and that I don’t think I can come back from what he’s said. He thinks I’m over reacting and has said “if I thought that about you, why would I be with you”

@Everyoneishappier Yes the kids are his and we private rent. The tenancy is in both of our names. We’re both working

This isn't about you. The words are intended to hurt you and are no reflection of what you look like, how much you weigh or how well you dress.

He would probably have said the same to you if you looked like Gigi Hadid and dressed like Audrey Hepburn.

There is only one thing for it @IcePoppy2 , you go on that special diet where you lose 15 st or thereabouts of ugly, useless gristle overnight. That's right, the LTB Diet.

“Well you’re not with me are you? You know, given the relationship is over.”

@Adeleskirts No I’m not thankfully

Or, “obviously you’re with me because no other self respecting woman would want to be with you, and given I have self respect neither do I.”

What AlternativePerspective said. Honestly you deserve better than him.

Give as good as you get. Tell him all the things that are unpleasant about him and see how he likes it. And say that if he gets all this attention from random females when he's out, he needs to take one of them up on, it as clearly you aren't good enough.

Holy shit 😳 I am so shocked that assholes like this exist.
This wasn't one or two words he uttered in pure anger (not that that would make it ok in my eyes), this was a pretty sustained verbal assault aimed solely at making you feel the lowest possible.
Anyone who values you, will NEVER make you feel like that. Nor would they want to, even in a moment of rage.
Anyone who doesn't value you, does not belong in your life in such an important role.

To make matters worse, this is all your fault? 😅 Of course it is. What an absolute pig of a man. I know it's hard, I can't imagine how you must be feeling, but I really hope you find the strength to stand up and LTB. 💐

I would end the relationship over this. My ex treated me in a similar way and his insults stayed with me for ages. I will never put up with shit like this from anyone ever again.

I'm reading this with tears in my eyes because that is just so hurtful and mean of him. What an evil man. Has he had his head turned by any chance? Men can turn nasty to justify to themselves why they are planning on leaving or having an affair. Good riddance to him if he has/is. Sending you a warm hug

what an utter prick.

I had one like this. In every argument he would resort to nasty personal digs. I let it go each time. Until one day I'd had enough. He called me fat in front of friends. When I called him he told me to do something about it. I did. I left him.
I can still remember him saying that he loved me. I replied he didn't even like me.

it doesn't get any better. Especially as he's blaming you, he will do this again and again. And your self esteem will get lower and lower, I hope you have the strength to kick him to the kerb where he belongs. Your self esteem will improve greatly with him gone.

I had one like this too. His head had been turned.

Disgusting behaviour, he knew he was wrong and he felt small because of this so attacked you in what he thought would be the most painful way possible. Now he won't even apologise or take responsibility for his actions? Sorry but no fucking way op, you need to show him that this is not what you deserve. If he's not going to make up for his disgraceful actions pretty quickly (which he hasn't) I'd be telling him it's over because there is nothing wrong with you and you deserve someone who will make you feel good and who loves you. No one deserves this shit. Show him how strong you really are.

Your bloke is a piece of shit. Honestly, I'd rather be on my own for eternity than be with someone who spoke to me like that. There's only one word for a person (he ISN'T a man). That word is cunt. That's what he is. Worthless, vile bastard. I'm obese, but my husband (44 years together) and sons (40 and 38) would never, ever say anything like that to me. Your bloke doesn't love you or even like you. Sorry. Get rid. x

To me it sounds like your self esteem is low due to him - what he said it utterly horrible. Completely unnecessary to ever talk like that - especially in a argument about housework! Have you thought about the fact that you may well feel a lot better about yourself if you were rid of him? I would seriously consider making plans to leave him. Don't argue about the whys and wherefore's just "I feel I'd be happier by myself with DC so that's what I'm doing". PS There is definitely someone for everyone and you should not believe his crap!!!

You would be so much happier without this piece of shit in your life

That was so cruel of him. He doesn't deserve you. My husband would never dream of saying that to me & I'm a size 22.

I've had this OP but no children involved. Like you said you can't move on from it. You're not financially reliant on him so why put up with it? Its making you miserable and hurt. 12 months on, although difficult at first I felt so much better and was annoyed with myself for letting it drag on.

So what will you do op? There is something that makes me think you’ve no desire to leave and are going to take it. Am I wrong?

My EXDP was similarly emotionally abusive. He told me I was disposable and dispensable and that he should have left me on the scrap heap where I belonged (I was 34 when I met him, earning twice his salary, while he was 35, divorced with a DC and living in his brothers spare room).

At that point I was already making plans to leave him, but those comments only accelerated them. I had never ever made any personal comments to him during arguments.

I left partly because I didn't want my DC having this behaviour modelled to them as the norm (his comments were always in front of them), and thinking it was acceptable down the line.

I think you know you need to leave him. If you don't, he will get worse as he will think he can treat you anyhow, and you'll stick around. Be strong, nobody deserves to be humiliated in that way, especially by someone who is supposed to love you and have your best interests at heart.