Page 3 | Dumped after second date

Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 12:24

barkingdogturfwar · 01/05/2022 12:21

Isn't it crazy how illuminating a few comments on two dates can be. Just from your posts I know exactly what sort of person this guy is. Each one of these things alone are solid dealbreakers:

using the phrase 'building an empire'
so much personal information about current family dramas
another man with a psycho ex
spiritual fuckboy comments
the toe analogy
the negging comment about your situation

There were about 6 other things in your posts that I forget. He's a massive loser. He must have a massive ego too if he thinks any woman would ever invest their time in meeting him for a coffee after he has binned them off! After 2 dates only too! Does he think you are in need of outreach support to deal with the trauma of his rejection? Who does he think he is!

he is delusional 😂
as I said I am looking for a relationship but jesus I did not come across as a needy desperate snowflake (probably that made him project even more)

Heading out on a third date now with a guy who has come from my neighbouring city to meet me. Out into the sunshine. Onwards and upwards ☀️

OP posts:

LaingsAcidTab · 01/05/2022 12:36

Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 20:33

Why is dating so weird

a guy I have been speaking to all of April - couple of video dates / couple of face to face dates; he messaged me tonight ‘I am dipping my toes into dating, but do not want to dip any more toes in with you right now’ - I thanked him and as I blocking / deleting he sends me a message - ‘We can meet up and chat about it over coffee’.

I mean come on.

You are entitled to change your mind but why offer coffee.

2nd date was not as good as 1st - he went on a monologue about his work / therapy / family issues and just seemed a bit dismissive of me in general. No touching or kissing. Bit relieved he messaged me that now in hindsight.

What is the psychology of these guys in their late thirties who use dating apps? I know there are good guys out there but I seem to only meet these ones - or turn them off so much that it goes cold quite quickly.

During the second date I rolled my eyes (he did not see) when he told me he would be busy playing golf on Sunday - he had asked me last week if I wanted to do something with him on Sunday as it was bank holiday weekend and he knew I was off on Monday - so I kind of knew at that point he had lost interest anyway.

A lot of people are on OLD who have no business being there because they're using it as a way of escaping themselves, their problems, their feelings.

These tend to reveal themselves relatively quickly, a case in point being his rather self-centred conversation about his woes.

So much easier to dive into the next disaster relationship than to face yourself.

EveningOverRooftops · 01/05/2022 12:56

I’ve got some nasty messages because in my profile I’ve been very specific that I intend to date to find someone long term and a part of that long term plan is I don’t want a man with kids younger than my DC.

I don’t want to battle every other weekend because activities for the youngest will take priority over those for my DC. Teens fine. Same age or a year or two difference. Fine but there will be issues if one DC is 8 and the other 16. With a 16yo we can do evening meals out much more easily than if 8. Choice of movies includes the grown up stuff I’ll enjoy more too.

its also me not wanting to be a step mother to children who need that very intense rearing. I’ve done it solo and I’m done. I want to enjoy the teen years where things are less snot and shite filled and more interesting in terms of things we can do and conversations etc.

I also won’t date smokers or vegans or fussy eaters because it just doesn’t match my lifestyle. Done that before too an it wasn’t fun to be restricted to just 1 restaurant or a restaurant that serves chips or be sat outside all year round because it’s the only place to smoke.

the last few months I’ve come to the realisation I’m probably better off not even trying to date because the only blokes available with older kids with OLD are in their late 40s and 50s and the thought they’re into me because im younger (mid 30s) and see me as a sort of trophy gives me the ick. And the ones with no kids my age don’t want a woman with kids or want babies.

I can’t be bothered to keep going down dead ends.

im ready to fuck it all off and just buy a new vibrator. 🤣

Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 13:00

EveningOverRooftops · 01/05/2022 12:56

I’ve got some nasty messages because in my profile I’ve been very specific that I intend to date to find someone long term and a part of that long term plan is I don’t want a man with kids younger than my DC.

I don’t want to battle every other weekend because activities for the youngest will take priority over those for my DC. Teens fine. Same age or a year or two difference. Fine but there will be issues if one DC is 8 and the other 16. With a 16yo we can do evening meals out much more easily than if 8. Choice of movies includes the grown up stuff I’ll enjoy more too.

its also me not wanting to be a step mother to children who need that very intense rearing. I’ve done it solo and I’m done. I want to enjoy the teen years where things are less snot and shite filled and more interesting in terms of things we can do and conversations etc.

I also won’t date smokers or vegans or fussy eaters because it just doesn’t match my lifestyle. Done that before too an it wasn’t fun to be restricted to just 1 restaurant or a restaurant that serves chips or be sat outside all year round because it’s the only place to smoke.

the last few months I’ve come to the realisation I’m probably better off not even trying to date because the only blokes available with older kids with OLD are in their late 40s and 50s and the thought they’re into me because im younger (mid 30s) and see me as a sort of trophy gives me the ick. And the ones with no kids my age don’t want a woman with kids or want babies.

I can’t be bothered to keep going down dead ends.

im ready to fuck it all off and just buy a new vibrator. 🤣

I agree -

I am starting to wonder if this one was looking for a shag. And when I got that taxi home after the second date he realised it was going to be a bit harder than expected. (Nothing wrong with casual if that is what you are into)

This one was about to turn 40.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 13:01

EveningOverRooftops · 01/05/2022 12:56

I’ve got some nasty messages because in my profile I’ve been very specific that I intend to date to find someone long term and a part of that long term plan is I don’t want a man with kids younger than my DC.

I don’t want to battle every other weekend because activities for the youngest will take priority over those for my DC. Teens fine. Same age or a year or two difference. Fine but there will be issues if one DC is 8 and the other 16. With a 16yo we can do evening meals out much more easily than if 8. Choice of movies includes the grown up stuff I’ll enjoy more too.

its also me not wanting to be a step mother to children who need that very intense rearing. I’ve done it solo and I’m done. I want to enjoy the teen years where things are less snot and shite filled and more interesting in terms of things we can do and conversations etc.

I also won’t date smokers or vegans or fussy eaters because it just doesn’t match my lifestyle. Done that before too an it wasn’t fun to be restricted to just 1 restaurant or a restaurant that serves chips or be sat outside all year round because it’s the only place to smoke.

the last few months I’ve come to the realisation I’m probably better off not even trying to date because the only blokes available with older kids with OLD are in their late 40s and 50s and the thought they’re into me because im younger (mid 30s) and see me as a sort of trophy gives me the ick. And the ones with no kids my age don’t want a woman with kids or want babies.

I can’t be bothered to keep going down dead ends.

im ready to fuck it all off and just buy a new vibrator. 🤣

At least we have expierence with online dating - and can work these guys out fairly promptly.

my heart always sinks when I find out a woman I know has been in a long term relationship (10 years) and gets out mid 30s and starts online dating. I just think here we go.

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Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 13:03

Its nice we have communities like mumsnet to discuss these things - red flags etc

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Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 13:11

HarmlessChap · 01/05/2022 12:22

His loss, keep moving forward, there is a lot of chaff to sift through before you find the wheat on OLD.

The way I look at it, every failed date/relationship is just one closer to your happy ever after, we just don't know how many first dates we have to go on before we get to the last one.

I love this ❤️

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EveningOverRooftops · 01/05/2022 13:21

Yep. The expectation of a shag almost immediately is a huge turn off for me too.

some blokes get pissy if they’re waiting a month or more for a shag.

that what a lot this type of man thinks. He can have his pick of all the women shag as much as he wants as the unicorn he’s after will fall into his lap in no time as he’s quite frankly gods gift and he has nothing to improve upon with himself.

plus it’s easy to read past some of the profile lines of these types of men

‘likes gym’ - no fat girls please
‘young at heart’ - I want someone half my age but older than my daughter.
‘Drama free’ - I’m a massive drama llama and want a stable woman to mother me and fix it all
‘no psycho exes’ - totally has ‘psycho’ exes but they’re not psycho they just know his game
‘Likes the outdoors but also staying in’ - I’ll go out if You make me.
‘after a partner in crime’ - I’m far too boring to have any passions but I’ll do all the stuff you love
‘mr grey’ - i won’t respect your boundaries
‘bit kinky’ - probably puts stuff up his butt and would like you to do it for him.
‘poly’ - I’ll move on when it gets difficult

RantyAunty · 01/05/2022 16:10

He sounded boring af.
I can't tell you didn't like him much anyway.
Well done on block and delete.
It's always the right choice.

Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 16:13

RantyAunty · 01/05/2022 16:10

He sounded boring af.
I can't tell you didn't like him much anyway.
Well done on block and delete.
It's always the right choice.

He was OK - I did not like him much after getting to know him a bit more. Guess thats what datings about though.

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Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 16:15

EveningOverRooftops · 01/05/2022 13:21

Yep. The expectation of a shag almost immediately is a huge turn off for me too.

some blokes get pissy if they’re waiting a month or more for a shag.

that what a lot this type of man thinks. He can have his pick of all the women shag as much as he wants as the unicorn he’s after will fall into his lap in no time as he’s quite frankly gods gift and he has nothing to improve upon with himself.

plus it’s easy to read past some of the profile lines of these types of men

‘likes gym’ - no fat girls please
‘young at heart’ - I want someone half my age but older than my daughter.
‘Drama free’ - I’m a massive drama llama and want a stable woman to mother me and fix it all
‘no psycho exes’ - totally has ‘psycho’ exes but they’re not psycho they just know his game
‘Likes the outdoors but also staying in’ - I’ll go out if You make me.
‘after a partner in crime’ - I’m far too boring to have any passions but I’ll do all the stuff you love
‘mr grey’ - i won’t respect your boundaries
‘bit kinky’ - probably puts stuff up his butt and would like you to do it for him.
‘poly’ - I’ll move on when it gets difficult

I think me not going back to his on Friday night (he had been speaking to me for a month) was what saved me

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mynamesnotMa · 01/05/2022 17:36

Oh my days.
You had a lucky escape.
I'd tell him to stick his toe up his hole where his head might be.

Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 19:05

mynamesnotMa · 01/05/2022 17:36

Oh my days.
You had a lucky escape.
I'd tell him to stick his toe up his hole where his head might be.

Agreed

🙏🏻

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serenghetti2011 · 01/05/2022 19:10

This is why I didn’t chat for longer than 2 weeks. I did all the chatting for weeks on end then meet and be after one thing or they’d vanish if I brought up actually meeting..So rule was chat set up date chat till date then see what happens. I think too many people use it as an ego boost and this man was just very rude. But you’ll be glad you found out quickly. It’s a minefield but after dating for a long time I did eventually meet someone amazing but when I think about how many idiots I came across I wonder why I didn’t give up sooner.

Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 19:46

serenghetti2011 · 01/05/2022 19:10

This is why I didn’t chat for longer than 2 weeks. I did all the chatting for weeks on end then meet and be after one thing or they’d vanish if I brought up actually meeting..So rule was chat set up date chat till date then see what happens. I think too many people use it as an ego boost and this man was just very rude. But you’ll be glad you found out quickly. It’s a minefield but after dating for a long time I did eventually meet someone amazing but when I think about how many idiots I came across I wonder why I didn’t give up sooner.

The kind amazing guys are out there 😊

it is just a case that there are so many like this one around.

the poster who laid out the red flags in black and white - yep. Deal breakers. How do they guys still walk around like they are some sort of prize when any sane woman would be questioning them after spending less than a few hours in their company?

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pixie5121 · 01/05/2022 21:42

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Withdrawn at poster's request.

pixie5121 · 01/05/2022 21:43

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Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 02/05/2022 07:06

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Yes I know that as well probably threw the dynamic a bit too
my parents stay in his city which is a 40/45 minute drive so I was able to see them also (he knew this) so maybe thar softened it a bit

i dont think it would have changed much as on reflection after our second face to face date I should not have seen him again anyway.

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ValerieCupcake · 02/05/2022 10:18

@serenghetti2011 It's pathetic to use chatting as an ego boost. It isn't real. Until you've met, it's in the ether. It's insubstantial crap. And it shows that THEY are insubstantial crap too.

@Ragdollkitten90 This twat isn't in Scotland is he? He sounds very like someone my friend has been talking to but shut down.

Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 02/05/2022 11:23

ValerieCupcake · 02/05/2022 10:18

@serenghetti2011 It's pathetic to use chatting as an ego boost. It isn't real. Until you've met, it's in the ether. It's insubstantial crap. And it shows that THEY are insubstantial crap too.

@Ragdollkitten90 This twat isn't in Scotland is he? He sounds very like someone my friend has been talking to but shut down.

@ValerieCupcake yes he is in Scotland! I only matched with him a three or four weeks ago. I feel he has used online dating (the apps) alot as it seemed he had been on many first and second dates. Even with a friend of friend colleague.

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Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 02/05/2022 11:32

@ValerieCupcake Likely is the same guy as I think he is a dating app veteran. 😘 Glad your friend shut it down sooner than me, wish I had been a bit smarter and not even met him for a couple of dates.

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OhLordyWhatNow · 02/05/2022 11:54

Don't regret it, regard it as research and experience. He's given you valuable data and you're now able to recognise 'poor behaviour' earlier and uphold your boundaries.

Yes, it may feel a bit like you've wasted time, but actually you've come out of this the winner, and he's just a massive loser (in all senses).

Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 02/05/2022 11:56

OhLordyWhatNow · 02/05/2022 11:54

Don't regret it, regard it as research and experience. He's given you valuable data and you're now able to recognise 'poor behaviour' earlier and uphold your boundaries.

Yes, it may feel a bit like you've wasted time, but actually you've come out of this the winner, and he's just a massive loser (in all senses).

Yes and TBF he was not all bad - hopefully he finds some sort of peace and stops annoying woman online though 😂

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Spannwr1971 · 02/05/2022 12:19

Building his empire indeed.. what's next? His cathedral?

Original poster

Ragdollkitten90 · 02/05/2022 12:23

Spannwr1971 · 02/05/2022 12:19

Building his empire indeed.. what's next? His cathedral?

what does it even mean to build an empire anyway? Is that not what the Romans did?

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