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Original poster

Dumped after second date

78 replies

Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 20:33

Why is dating so weird

a guy I have been speaking to all of April - couple of video dates / couple of face to face dates; he messaged me tonight ‘I am dipping my toes into dating, but do not want to dip any more toes in with you right now’ - I thanked him and as I blocking / deleting he sends me a message - ‘We can meet up and chat about it over coffee’.

I mean come on.

You are entitled to change your mind but why offer coffee.

2nd date was not as good as 1st - he went on a monologue about his work / therapy / family issues and just seemed a bit dismissive of me in general. No touching or kissing. Bit relieved he messaged me that now in hindsight.

What is the psychology of these guys in their late thirties who use dating apps? I know there are good guys out there but I seem to only meet these ones - or turn them off so much that it goes cold quite quickly.

During the second date I rolled my eyes (he did not see) when he told me he would be busy playing golf on Sunday - he had asked me last week if I wanted to do something with him on Sunday as it was bank holiday weekend and he knew I was off on Monday - so I kind of knew at that point he had lost interest anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 07:02

Rainbowqueeen · 01/05/2022 06:55

I see the coffee meeting being his way to get a shag in on the basis that you will immediately jump at this offer in order to prove him wrong and sleep with him to keep him. Idiot

Oh yes - I agree; something definately not right. Why on earth would I want to meet him for coffee? After that second date and him texting me that? He was probably gobsmacked at my response… ‘Thanks, see you around then’.

I think he was honestly threatened by my success and stability.

He was saying about selling his flat and getting somewhere new. I has been thinking the same and was showing him some houses I had been looking at and he said ‘It is nice to have a dream’ - I said that I could afford that now and his FACE. 😂

what a complete loser.

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 01/05/2022 07:04

He sent such a dreadful message...yuck! It's not you.

Overthewine · 01/05/2022 07:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 07:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

There were too many other red flags…

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 07:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

He probably did mean something like that. All on his terms - Me Me Me

OP posts:
caringcarer · 01/05/2022 10:05

He sounds a right moaner anyway. You can do a lot better than him OP.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/05/2022 10:10

He sounds like a boring prick. Not sure why you need a thread to debrief on why a prick behaved like a prick! I'm not having a go, but surely you know this will happen a lot?!

Flyinggeese1234 · 01/05/2022 10:26

OP why did you thank him?!

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 10:42

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/05/2022 10:10

He sounds like a boring prick. Not sure why you need a thread to debrief on why a prick behaved like a prick! I'm not having a go, but surely you know this will happen a lot?!

Just venting
💖

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 10:43

Flyinggeese1234 · 01/05/2022 10:26

OP why did you thank him?!

It was just an impulse TBH - probably deep down Thanking the Heavens I was never going to need to see him again.

OP posts:
OhLordyWhatNow · 01/05/2022 11:40

Flyinggeese1234 · 01/05/2022 10:26

OP why did you thank him?!

It's a bit like when a random man gives an unsolicited opinion and you remain polite and say thank you. It's a reflex.

CrapBucket · 01/05/2022 11:44

Sounds like you have been spending time with my ex, you are well rid 🤣

Watchkeys · 01/05/2022 11:49

Big waste of your time psychologising people who treat you poorly. Can't you find something more positive to do?

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 11:58

CrapBucket · 01/05/2022 11:44

Sounds like you have been spending time with my ex, you are well rid 🤣

Does his name begin with an M and he lives in Scotland?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 11:59

Watchkeys · 01/05/2022 11:49

Big waste of your time psychologising people who treat you poorly. Can't you find something more positive to do?

So true 😅💖

OP posts:
LaBellina · 01/05/2022 11:59

Classic fuckboy move. Or at least a very lowball attempt to get the upper hand.

He tried to made you feel like you weren’t good enough for him by that first text, then invited you for coffee (cheap investment in terms of effort, time and money) so you would hopefully (from his point of view) feel compelled to go there and ‘prove’ to him your ‘worth’. His goal was ultimately to use you for sex whilst you feel more and more desperate to convince him you’re relationship material.

He’s scum. So glad you blocked him. Never give him another chance, you’ve really dodged a bullet here. A decent man wouldn’t treat you like this.

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 12:03

LaBellina · 01/05/2022 11:59

Classic fuckboy move. Or at least a very lowball attempt to get the upper hand.

He tried to made you feel like you weren’t good enough for him by that first text, then invited you for coffee (cheap investment in terms of effort, time and money) so you would hopefully (from his point of view) feel compelled to go there and ‘prove’ to him your ‘worth’. His goal was ultimately to use you for sex whilst you feel more and more desperate to convince him you’re relationship material.

He’s scum. So glad you blocked him. Never give him another chance, you’ve really dodged a bullet here. A decent man wouldn’t treat you like this.

I felt it was a fuckboi / power move too TBH.
Something a bit suspect about it.
Manipulative and weird.
I just checked his instagram posts (If it was not for confidentiality I would post) - long droning posts about finding his purpose and life / spiritualism.

Anyway he was telling me alllllll about his big business moves and ‘building his empire’ in the art world - so I suspect he will be so rich and powerful very soon he will not have time for a minion like me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 12:04

LaBellina · 01/05/2022 11:59

Classic fuckboy move. Or at least a very lowball attempt to get the upper hand.

He tried to made you feel like you weren’t good enough for him by that first text, then invited you for coffee (cheap investment in terms of effort, time and money) so you would hopefully (from his point of view) feel compelled to go there and ‘prove’ to him your ‘worth’. His goal was ultimately to use you for sex whilst you feel more and more desperate to convince him you’re relationship material.

He’s scum. So glad you blocked him. Never give him another chance, you’ve really dodged a bullet here. A decent man wouldn’t treat you like this.

Will keep him blocked. I think I played this quite well but wish I had called it off myself.

OP posts:
LaBellina · 01/05/2022 12:05

He sounds like a total idiot.

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 12:06

OhLordyWhatNow · 01/05/2022 11:40

It's a bit like when a random man gives an unsolicited opinion and you remain polite and say thank you. It's a reflex.

Show quote history

I cannot remember exactly what I said 😅

’No worries, thanks. See you around then’

😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 12:09

LaBellina · 01/05/2022 12:05

He sounds like a total idiot.

Delusional.

I would love to tell in detail what he was saying about his family member and why he wanted to report a member to the police. It was completey bizarre and entirely inappropriate so early into dating to tell
me about it. It was a serious historical allegation he was making.

I have had some serious issues with my own family in the past year or two (sadly, three suicides) but I would not bring it up to someone I had only just met.

he seriously had the violins out for himself - going for his weekly therapy session. He asked me outright If I went to therapy? Is this not a bit much for a second date?

I just wanted a glass of wine and a snog.

OP posts:
Seajelly4life · 01/05/2022 12:13

I’ve experienced this in the past- men who tell you they’re not interested early on and then keep acting keen, because they want to keep you hooked in as a casual or a backup. They give themselves a continuous get-out clause for leading you on and when you start getting ideas about a future together (because they’re sending ‘future together’ signals despite the post-second-date dumping), they say “but I told you at the start I didn’t want anything serious!”. Yawn. You sound switched on, just a shame you didn’t let him know his ramblings about himself were unattractive before he had a chance to send his stupid toes message. On to the next!

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 12:16

Seajelly4life · 01/05/2022 12:13

I’ve experienced this in the past- men who tell you they’re not interested early on and then keep acting keen, because they want to keep you hooked in as a casual or a backup. They give themselves a continuous get-out clause for leading you on and when you start getting ideas about a future together (because they’re sending ‘future together’ signals despite the post-second-date dumping), they say “but I told you at the start I didn’t want anything serious!”. Yawn. You sound switched on, just a shame you didn’t let him know his ramblings about himself were unattractive before he had a chance to send his stupid toes message. On to the next!

Ah I see…
So I take it he would have dragged it out for ‘coffee’ for as long as it suited him - then use the bait and switch of the ‘family issues’ as the excuse for his lack of ability to commit and all of his emotional issues that would be projected onto me.

He was setting the scene. I get it.

the ‘crazy ex’ who ‘traumatised’ him - was the give away.

OP posts:
barkingdogturfwar · 01/05/2022 12:21

Isn't it crazy how illuminating a few comments on two dates can be. Just from your posts I know exactly what sort of person this guy is. Each one of these things alone are solid dealbreakers:

  • using the phrase 'building an empire'
  • so much personal information about current family dramas
  • another man with a psycho ex
  • spiritual fuckboy comments
  • the toe analogy
  • the negging comment about your situation

There were about 6 other things in your posts that I forget. He's a massive loser. He must have a massive ego too if he thinks any woman would ever invest their time in meeting him for a coffee after he has binned them off! After 2 dates only too! Does he think you are in need of outreach support to deal with the trauma of his rejection? Who does he think he is!

HarmlessChap · 01/05/2022 12:22

His loss, keep moving forward, there is a lot of chaff to sift through before you find the wheat on OLD.

The way I look at it, every failed date/relationship is just one closer to your happy ever after, we just don't know how many first dates we have to go on before we get to the last one.