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Original poster

Dumped after second date

78 replies

Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 20:33

Why is dating so weird

a guy I have been speaking to all of April - couple of video dates / couple of face to face dates; he messaged me tonight ‘I am dipping my toes into dating, but do not want to dip any more toes in with you right now’ - I thanked him and as I blocking / deleting he sends me a message - ‘We can meet up and chat about it over coffee’.

I mean come on.

You are entitled to change your mind but why offer coffee.

2nd date was not as good as 1st - he went on a monologue about his work / therapy / family issues and just seemed a bit dismissive of me in general. No touching or kissing. Bit relieved he messaged me that now in hindsight.

What is the psychology of these guys in their late thirties who use dating apps? I know there are good guys out there but I seem to only meet these ones - or turn them off so much that it goes cold quite quickly.

During the second date I rolled my eyes (he did not see) when he told me he would be busy playing golf on Sunday - he had asked me last week if I wanted to do something with him on Sunday as it was bank holiday weekend and he knew I was off on Monday - so I kind of knew at that point he had lost interest anyway.

OP posts:
Astrak · 30/04/2022 20:38

When someone shows you who they are - believe them.
Rather a crass way of indicating that you were not to his taste - there are kinder ways of bringing his opinion to your notice.

UserError012345 · 30/04/2022 20:44

The fact that he said he can discuss with you, suggests to me anyway, that he has something that you would see as a deal breaker.

Don't waste any time trying to work other people out / feeling rejected.

seensome · 30/04/2022 20:45

I am dipping my toes into dating, but do not want to dip any more toes in with you right now

How cringey, that gives me the ick reading that.
Tell him you're grateful for keeping his toes to himself. He plays golf... 🥱

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 20:46

I think the deal breaker was that I am a bit too stable / sane to entertain his self absorption and narcissim

he let me travel to his city yesterday evening - I also got the bill and took an Uber home. My instinct is he would have kept it going a few more weeks if I had no gotten that taxi home and went back to his…

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 30/04/2022 20:46

seensome · 30/04/2022 20:45

I am dipping my toes into dating, but do not want to dip any more toes in with you right now

How cringey, that gives me the ick reading that.
Tell him you're grateful for keeping his toes to himself. He plays golf... 🥱

Totally agree - fanny dried up like sahara.

OP posts:
Neverreturntoathread · 30/04/2022 20:48

The message he sent you was very rude and his immediate request to meetup shows you he’s deliberately messing with your head. I bet he knew even before the second (or first!) date that there wouldn’t be a third, he’s just a jerk getting a kick out of getting women interested then rejecting them.

Block and forget.

If you go fishing you’re going to catch a lot of rubbish but you only need one good one. Just might take a few attempts! Sorry you met this jerk.

OhLordyWhatNow · 30/04/2022 20:50

Dipping his toes... doesn't want to stop dating lots of different people.

On the 2nd date did you indicate that your expectation was exclusivity?

Weekenders · 30/04/2022 20:58

Neverreturntoathread · 30/04/2022 20:48

The message he sent you was very rude and his immediate request to meetup shows you he’s deliberately messing with your head. I bet he knew even before the second (or first!) date that there wouldn’t be a third, he’s just a jerk getting a kick out of getting women interested then rejecting them.

Block and forget.

If you go fishing you’re going to catch a lot of rubbish but you only need one good one. Just might take a few attempts! Sorry you met this jerk.

I doubt it was as premeditated as that, but he's obv a prick that the OP is better off without.

At least it was only 2 dates in.

WomanHere · 30/04/2022 21:05

What a prick. He wants to see other people, he wants a coffee to see if you would be interested in some sort of FB situation

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 00:35

Neverreturntoathread · 30/04/2022 20:48

The message he sent you was very rude and his immediate request to meetup shows you he’s deliberately messing with your head. I bet he knew even before the second (or first!) date that there wouldn’t be a third, he’s just a jerk getting a kick out of getting women interested then rejecting them.

Block and forget.

If you go fishing you’re going to catch a lot of rubbish but you only need one good one. Just might take a few attempts! Sorry you met this jerk.

I agree - so at it. Blocked and deleted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 00:36

OhLordyWhatNow · 30/04/2022 20:50

Dipping his toes... doesn't want to stop dating lots of different people.

On the 2nd date did you indicate that your expectation was exclusivity?

Not a single bit. Quite the opposite actually. I never mentioned a thing about anything like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 00:36

WomanHere · 30/04/2022 21:05

What a prick. He wants to see other people, he wants a coffee to see if you would be interested in some sort of FB situation

100% agree.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 00:43

He was going on and on about his family issues and reporting someone to the police, other family members feel he is ‘delusional’ but as as INFJ he must do the right thing.

narcissist. Think I dodged a total bullet.

ex - girlfriend said he was a ‘gaslighter’ blah blab

I am sure he would have loved me to keep texting him, meet up for a coffee and continue whatever pantomime he wanted to continue with….

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 00:47

‘I am dipping my toes into dating, but do not want to dip any more toes in with you right now’

Sounds like a foot-fetishist. Unless that's your thing, you are well-rid.

Moser85 · 01/05/2022 00:58

I hope you would have called time on it yourself if he hadn't sent you that message!

OhLordyWhatNow · 01/05/2022 01:14

😂 INFJ. Why do men think women want to know the outcome of a quiz they took on a work related team building course (probably in the 1990's-early 2000's).

If he's droning on about big issues affecting his family on a second date he's trying to gauge your tolerance for drama and to check if you can detect bullshit. The offer of coffee was a test of your resilience and self esteem.

ValerieCupcake · 01/05/2022 02:32

OhLordyWhatNow · 01/05/2022 01:14

😂 INFJ. Why do men think women want to know the outcome of a quiz they took on a work related team building course (probably in the 1990's-early 2000's).

If he's droning on about big issues affecting his family on a second date he's trying to gauge your tolerance for drama and to check if you can detect bullshit. The offer of coffee was a test of your resilience and self esteem.

I know. I am an ENFJ but I would never tell anyone :')

WildCoasts · 01/05/2022 02:38

He says you can meet over coffee to discuss it? Does he think you're so broken up that he's not interested you need to debrief or discuss the 'issue'?

ShandaLear · 01/05/2022 03:15

Well, he sounds like a dick, but at least he told you and didn’t just ghost you.

mycatisannoying · 01/05/2022 04:35

He sensed that you had accepted him ending it just fine, and the coffee idea was just so he could string you along a bit more, and have his ego massaged.
After all, in his head you were going to be devastated about it Confused
What an arse!

Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 06:43

WildCoasts · 01/05/2022 02:38

He says you can meet over coffee to discuss it? Does he think you're so broken up that he's not interested you need to debrief or discuss the 'issue'?

Heaven knows.

I should have sent him a £100 payment request for counselling listening to him drone on and on about his family and the therapy he goes to.

He says he was ‘building his empire’ 🥲 I have obviously missed out in the next big thing…

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 06:45

WildCoasts · 01/05/2022 02:38

He says you can meet over coffee to discuss it? Does he think you're so broken up that he's not interested you need to debrief or discuss the 'issue'?

I think its all projection or something. Not sure.
He probably just wanted to keep me around whilst he decides if he wants to dip his toe in again. 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 06:49

OhLordyWhatNow · 01/05/2022 01:14

😂 INFJ. Why do men think women want to know the outcome of a quiz they took on a work related team building course (probably in the 1990's-early 2000's).

If he's droning on about big issues affecting his family on a second date he's trying to gauge your tolerance for drama and to check if you can detect bullshit. The offer of coffee was a test of your resilience and self esteem.

Agree about the INFJ.

I think it was a blood shark test to see what I would / could tolerate too. I think half of it was made up. You know how these really weird guys always come up with a sob story early on - inappropriately tell the woman (like this). Totally inappropriate what he was telling me TBH.

of course his ex girlfriend was so bad she ‘traumatised him'ً

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdollkitten90 · 01/05/2022 06:52

Moser85 · 01/05/2022 00:58

I hope you would have called time on it yourself if he hadn't sent you that message!

Yes I was processing the 2nd date during the day - and would have probably called time on it this weekend to be fair.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 01/05/2022 06:55

I see the coffee meeting being his way to get a shag in on the basis that you will immediately jump at this offer in order to prove him wrong and sleep with him to keep him. Idiot