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Original poster

Tell me about your Friends with Benefits situationships

86 replies

Littlegreenfrogcake · 24/04/2022 15:25

I am 3 weeks into a new FWB situation, and I am REALLY enjoying it. I love that there's no pressure, expectations or emotional weight to it. I was really upfront I do not want or need a relationship and that I needed to connect with someone before the sex could happen.

Due to various reasons, much as i like the guy as a friend, and the sex is GREAT, I know I wouldn't consider him relationship material. So I'm not worried about that so far.

What are others' experiences? Anything I should look out for over the coming months?? Has it worked/not worked for you?

OP posts:
Maydaysoonenough · 24/04/2022 15:27

I had a fwb relationship with my bff's db. Fell for him in time and we even married but wasn't the right level of love and respect on reflection.. Bad mistake ime.

Redglitter · 24/04/2022 15:36

I've had a FWB for several years now. Its great. Suits us both down to the ground. Works because much as we like each other we don't want a relationship. It can definitely work very well & long term

KimCheese · 24/04/2022 15:51

I think it's really important to communicate around expectations of frequency of meeting and staying in touch. When things have been going well in my FWB I feel really happy with it - but there has been one occasion when he let me down and didn't handle it well, it then put us under a bit of pressure. I know that I don't want a relationship, but I do want to be treated respectfully. Have a think too about what the end looks like - is it a fizzle out? A frank chat? Or does someone get hurt?

Celynfour · 24/04/2022 16:04

I’m really interested to hear people’s views . I’ve been in this on and off for many years with a good friend . Sometimes the communication or expectations can be confusing and I often wonder how I should / could handle it better .

Jumpking · 24/04/2022 16:07

I found things were great with my FWBs for the first few months. Things then lost the heat with which they started, and became more mundane.

One went into a depression when lockdown Jan 21 hit, and I never saw him for 4 months. But somehow ended up being an emotional crutch for him by messaging. Was a really weird situation. We didn't see each other much after that lockdown lifted and I ended things when his head was in a better place.

With all of them, I felt very much on the backfoot, waiting for them to call me. Probably more to do with me than them.

No FWB now, as there's a good guy in my life. But I do miss that initial buzz of meeting a FWB the first few times.

sammylady37 · 24/04/2022 17:15

I love FWB situationships! I have 3 on the go and an cultivating a 4th. One has been going on for nearly 4 years, one for 3 years and the other two are more recent.

Clear expectations, communication and honesty are the keys to success.

Have fun!

KimCheese · 25/04/2022 07:00

Another thing to clarify is exclusivity, or just work on the assumption of it not being exclusive. I agree that having a few on the go helps avoiding getting too attached or focused - or at least having a couple of chats going.

HeDidWhattt · 25/04/2022 07:06

Mine is amazing!! I’ve literally hit the jackpot! He is so good looking he makes my toes curl! Amazing kisser, great body and has a big . This guy wasn’t made by god, a women definitely designed him and thankfully seemed to have me in mind 😂

However, and this is where it’s perfect!! He is not relationship material in the slightest, completely not my type in that area, so I have the best of both worlds, a guy whose great but I will never actually fall for!! Perfect!!!

Joystir59 · 25/04/2022 07:08

Can't stand the non word situationship

Sirzy · 25/04/2022 07:13

Just because he isn’t your type doesn’t mean your not his so their is still room for confusion and feelings.

there again thanks to a change in circumstances for us both my fwb became my partner 5 years ago happily!

ChampagneCommunist · 25/04/2022 07:33

I have a friend I am hoping to "upgrade" to a FWB,

Any tips?

HeDidWhattt · 25/04/2022 07:33

I understand that and he said I am his type but I’ve made it clear to him nothing is going to happen at all.
He is the perfect Fwb, but he would be the worst boyfriend/partner ever!! He can’t hold one down for 5 minutes so I won’t even bother going there!!

Original poster
Littlegreenfrogcake · 25/04/2022 19:07

Some amazing stories here ladies, thank you!!! Good to know it can work out sometimes.

To the poster with almost 4, I salute you, girl 👏

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlegreenfrogcake · 25/04/2022 19:10

@champagnecommunist I find the direct approach works best with men. If he is into you, he will grab that with both hands.

I explicitly went onto a site looking for a fwb, no upgrading required and no lost long time friend if it didn't work out. Keep us updated!

OP posts:
feministqueen · 25/04/2022 19:22

I had a FWB who I saw on and off for around 10 years. Sad to say that it got very messy at the end and in a blaze of glory it ended in a vile way. We haven't spoken or seen each other in over 10 years now.

At the time it was great. Neither of us were perfect and I'm sorry it ended the way it did. However I learnt a lot and tbh if it hadn't of ended the way it did I'd have not been in the situation I'm in now with a wonderful husband and children.

It can be very easy to forget how much time is passing when you have a FWB situ going on. No one will want to be with you when you're with someone else. Even if that "with" is not official.

Try not to get hurt. But if you do, learn from it and move forward x

Original poster
Littlegreenfrogcake · 25/04/2022 19:36

@champagnecommunist I find the direct approach works best with men. If he is into you, he will grab that with both hands.

I explicitly went onto a site looking for a fwb, no upgrading required and no lost long time friend if it didn't work out. Keep us updated!

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 26/04/2022 08:17

So, I was seeing someone but it devolved into a friendship as his health means sex isn't on the agenda. Discouraged by dating a friend and I decided to hook up at a social event, and had a really fun night. I mean, dear god, he's good and well um... You get the idea. I don't think he's done the fwb thing as when I said I wanted to meet up again he thought I meant for a relationship. However while he's 50, he's not relationship material at all, but I do enjoy his company
Have met up last week and somehow we have decided to go out for dinner this weekend, with him as dessert I hope LOL. We chat a fair bit.

I don't want to get attached, and taking him at his word about no relationship I went on a date yesterday and will see the guy again.

2catsandhappy · 26/04/2022 20:07

I had two rules. Ask no questions and don't overstay your welcome. He broke both rules but it was a fun 4 year run.

StarlightLady · 27/04/2022 09:27

Although it is not without risks, I prefer to "upgrade" from a friend to a special friendship. That way you are with someone you trust rather that just a random (often married) person who is seeking sex. It is easy to be exploited in this situation. It also makes a day out or going out for a meal easy. When I asked a friend way back he thought he had misheard me, but we soon got that sorted.

It's also important not to let emotions take over and for you to lay down (pun intended) exactly what you want and what you need in the bedroom.

I would also recommend "Friends with benefits" with emphasis on the plural. Two or more can be more fun, avoid complications and help you remain in control of the situation.

Finally, apply passion, discretion and keep your right to privacy, it is easy to be inappropriately an misogenisticly judged in these situations.

Good luck.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/04/2022 09:39

I had one for about 6 years. He was a decade younger than me. I was going through a horrific divorce and he was a bright spot every week or two. I loved that there were none of the relationship issues. I don't want another relationship. It was just fun, the most amazing sex, lovely food for lunch, the occasional long walk after. He was a lovely guy. However, he had always made it clear that he wanted marriage and children and he did eventually meet somebody and was immediately honest with me about it. Whilst I was gutted my fun Saturdays would end, I accepted it as we had always been clear on the basis of our relationship.

I think I did fall in love with him in a way although I would never have voiced that. However, because there was no baggage, it was easier to move on. I'd love to find another arrangement like that going forward. It works very well for me.

KimCheese · 27/04/2022 12:29

@TheFormidableMrsC I'm glad that's how you described it, as that's how it feels to me. My divorce isn't awful, but it's happening and my life is in limbo a bit. I was trying to pick through if it was okay that I was looking forward to it and enjoying it, then realised of course that's okay - it's great sex with a great person!

I agree though @StarlightLady , not everyone can cope with the idea of a woman enjoying sex without a relationship, so keep your cards close to your chest.

StarCourt · 27/04/2022 12:36

I've had a FWB for the last 4 years and am happily single because I have a sex life.
When I split from XH 10 yrs ago and got back into dating 12 months later I thought I wanted a relationship. But after years of trying to find just that with crap men and worse dates I gave up.
My FWB fills that gap

MincedMalbec · 27/04/2022 18:50

Guys how do you do it? I really really want the FWB. I don’t want a relationship BUT I am a romantic and the guy I found very quickly online is perfect, he has another one too though and I just can’t get my head around “being in some sort of competition”. I think I’ve got over invested too but I think that’s who I am. How can I have a connection and good sex without falling? Is the key simply to have more than one?

KimCheese · 27/04/2022 20:38

Either try having a couple on the go (or one actual, one or two for chatting/flirting) or it's not for you.

It isn't a competition. The sex I have with one is completely different to the sex I have with the other. They're poles apart, which I like.

Redglitter · 27/04/2022 20:50

I couldn't have several. Well I could if I wanted I have one friend who's made his thoughts on the idea very clear

The one I have has been for several years, the sex is amazing so is the friendship but it'll never be more

I know different people do it different ways but we don't go out together, we don't go out for dinner or have overnights. That (in our opinion) is taking it down a relationship route

Our usual time together involves him coming to mine. We have coffee & chat, then have sex & lie & chat together. I'll make lunch & more often than not there'll be something around the house/garden he's going to do 🤭 We have lunch & he goes & that's us til next time.

We both know & are happy with the boundaries

Long may it continue