People dropping out last minute, is this the norm now?

[Azure82]

I had a special birthday a while ago and I decided that I'd invite friends over and do some drinks and nibbles etc and have a party at mine, i thought it wpuld be nice to have a get together again after all this time of not being able to. I thought it would be more inclusive as I know money is tight for some friends so all they had to do is turn up and have fun. I put out a message and had lots of replies saying they can't wait etc etc.. On the day before I had a couple people drop out and on the day I had loads of msg to say that people couldn't come anymore for various reasons.

Is this the norm now, for people to say they're going to something and change their minds last minute? If I say I'm going to something then I go but I guess I'm in the minority now. I wasn't expecting them to do anything else for me but a lot said they'd make it up to me and can't wait to celebrate another time but I've never heard from them since. Again, why say something if they have no intention of it.

Sorry this happened to you, Azure, and on your birthday too.🤔 It's a horrible feeling, being let down like that. People are definitely getting flakier, as I had it happen to me several times last year. Not big events, but still -

Invited 3 friends round for pizza, prosecco & a catch-up. They said how much they were looking forward to it, then one cancelled the day before (Covid related), and the other 2 on the day, (one apparently was behind with prep for her dd's birthday party and the other, tired & headachey after work)! 🤔 This was AFTER I'd shopped and prepped, I was upset and embarrassed having them all cancel like that. ☹

Another friend cancelled a few hours before our theatre trip on my birthday weekend (tickets booked months before) and a couple dh & I were going out for dinner with, cancelled because they were 'tired'. It was rearranged, then they cancelled again because 'something else came up'. ☹ Said they'd be in touch to rearrange, but this was months ago and we've heard nothing.

I've lost confidence in planning social things now, I accept invites, but have stopped instigating because of the embarrassment of being let down. Shame, but there's only so much rejection I can take! I hope your friends were suitably apologetic. 🤔

😂

That's so awful @TitaniasAss. That's made me feel really sad.

Awful titanias god the poor girl. I stopped organising things. Texts too easy now as you dont have to ring them. Then non comittal for weeks. We met a couple in feb we both made the date work and night was lovely. But I find people dont the hassle now of meeting shame

urgh. HATE this. If I say I will be there I will be there special place in hell for those flakes. That poor party girl 😔. Dd is quite quiet and has a nice group of friends has made noises about having a larger party for her 16th but going to press for her to have a nice night out with her genuine friends. Too stressful - it’s shit enough as an adult when people flake let alone a teen.

Thanks for the bible quote shows this a problem through the ages!

That’s a real shame OP but don’t take it personally…I genuinely think people have become flakier over the last 10 years .
I have about 8 really solid close friends who actually don’t really know each other which is fab .
It means I can arrange to see them individually and have lots of occasions to have fun .Also I think people are less likely to cancel if they are letting one person down . Happy Belated Birthday 💐🍸

This happened to me last month for my 40th. I had 8 people cancel on me on the day. 3 didn’t even cancel, just didn’t turn up. I just had 3 people actually bother. I felt mortified and never want to bother organising anything again. All the people that said ‘sorry, we have to do something soon’ simply haven’t even tried to organise anything with me since.

Not one reason for cancelling was decent!

Sometimes you read a post and it just makes you feel so sad. I cant stop thinking about that poor girl and her parents

I hope they still had a good time. People are blooming awful arent they

I absolutely love this! Thank you for posting it.
I wanted a party for a big birthday in 2019, so pre-covid. Ended up cancelling it as no-one would commit to coming. I think the point about Netflicks and meal deliveries being easier is a valid one. It's a shame to miss out on socialising, though.

I've lost confidence in planning social things now, I accept invites, but have stopped instigating because of the embarrassment of being let down

I think that is a normal response, and we are all going to have less interesting and fun lives because of it.
I have lost confidence simply watching this happen to my friends, and now thinking I am not sure I can face the stress of it. I usually organise a bbq in the summer, but now I am reconsidering and xmas drinks, ditto.

I also think for what it is worth that we probably shouldn't take it personally. Many people have mh issues or dps that do, are having marriage problems or are suffering burn out after the pandemic. I would say 60% of my friends fall into one of those brackets. We are not back to normal in the sense that I think some people are finding life really hard, and socialising may feel like a bit of an indulgence when your back is against the wall. No excuse for poor manners but i do know lots of people are still struggling (if they can't share it with you)

Just to be clear they may come out with a flakey excuse rather than tell you the real reason they can't make it. For some it will be hard to admit MH issues.

Some of us have bounced back and back on to parties and fun times, but there are a huge chunk of people that have not. We should be glad, we are the lucky ones.

Don’t put out invites in SM, not sure if you did or not but everyone agrees to anything on SM if they see other people are. Send personal invites next time

I hope the flakes are not the same people that complain they are lonely in old age….

I wouldn’t bin someone for repeated flaking and letting me down but I wouldn’t put myself out for them much either.

A friend cancelled on me several months ago day before the 2 of us were supposed to meet up for a meal & drinks her excuse was that her daughter had fallen off a horse & was really shaken up but it was clearly a lie as months later I asked her daughter & she didn’t know what I was talking about!!

It's def been a thing for the last 5 or 6 years. We used to have a NY party for years and suddenly it became a thing that people just started texting at 6 at night making excuses .The year only 4 people showed out of 30 because it was a bit rainy was the last time. They all live within 1/2 mile. People just assumed the next year it would be on so I told them no and why. Lots of embarrassed people and apologies but too late I never had another party. The person who took it on the next year had exactly the same problem and only did it once.

Why accept the invitation, then? Better to decline and plead another engagement on the same day.

Ifitdoesn'tmakesense - That's rubbish of your friend, I hope she feels embarrassed at being caught lying! 😮 I'd invited a friend round, a few weeks after Lockdown ended, for coffee & catch-up. Each time bumped into each other in Lockdown she was full of 'I so miss our catch-up, we must sort something when this is all over!'. Then an hour before she was due round, she sent a rushed text saying her son wasn't well and she needed to food shop. 🤔 I'd even bought some nice cakes in, specially. Btw, her son was 14, and they live 3 doors away from us. 🤔 Next day, I saw him walking back from school with friends, so he can't have been THAT ill! Some people just couldn't give a toss these days, it seems. ☹

I don't think that is normal.

It is very rude.

I wouldn't put myself out for people who behave like that.

Flaky, disrespectful people are that way all the time tbh. I don't think it's related to COVID. They're selfish enough that they don't bother to think about the bigger picture and how it might make the host feel, that others might cancel too, they just cba or something better comes up so they drop it.

It would be the last time I made an effort with them tbh. I can't abide flakiness. You've gone to the trouble of buying food and drinks, set time aside, invited them and they've accepted. Short of a genuine emergency or being genuinely sick they need to attend!

I am constantly surprised by stuff I read on here about social events, and the justifications for flaky or weird behaviour.

A couple of years ago, a poster had moved to a new place and planned a garden party to meet her neighbours. Put invitations through their doors, lovely and friendly. Loads hadn’t RSVPd and she was wondering whether she was the unreasonable one for being irritated because she needed to plan food and seating.

loads of posters piled in to tell her off for being ‘entitled’ and in one memorable post, ‘appointing herself the social queen of the neighbourhood’. Poor bloody OP. In the event the neighbours came and the party was a success but the venom directed at the OP for asking - not telling, asking! - people to get off their arses and socialise was jaw dropping. Posters saying that they never wanted to get to know neighbours, ever, because ‘my home is my little sanctuary’.

There was another one in which somebody invited to a wedding was outraged at being invited and expected to ‘make small talk’. Proper offended. How dare the bride and groom presume to inconvenience her so. One person volunteered that she took her knitting to such events so that she didn’t have to talk or socialise.

So nothing surprises me when it comes to people’s mad behaviour around social events.

I felt like that to @WhyDidNoOneListenToRoger. It really upset me.

Me too 😔 Bastards.

I am fierce about this to my kids and am a regular host so they see the effort that goes in so hope have drilled into my teens the importance of being a basically decent person and turning up when you have said you will.