People dropping out last minute, is this the norm now?

[Azure82]

I had a special birthday a while ago and I decided that I'd invite friends over and do some drinks and nibbles etc and have a party at mine, i thought it wpuld be nice to have a get together again after all this time of not being able to. I thought it would be more inclusive as I know money is tight for some friends so all they had to do is turn up and have fun. I put out a message and had lots of replies saying they can't wait etc etc.. On the day before I had a couple people drop out and on the day I had loads of msg to say that people couldn't come anymore for various reasons.

Is this the norm now, for people to say they're going to something and change their minds last minute? If I say I'm going to something then I go but I guess I'm in the minority now. I wasn't expecting them to do anything else for me but a lot said they'd make it up to me and can't wait to celebrate another time but I've never heard from them since. Again, why say something if they have no intention of it.

:-(
Yeah the excuses I had....some genuine. I'd rather some just said I don't want to come anymore!

It's very easy to send a message isn't it. I did have one phonecall which I appreciated and actually I know she was genuine as I saw her at work that week and she sounded so poorly.

I think it’s been happening since we all have mobile phones. It’s much easier to cancel on people by text for example. I had a friend many years ago who would just text if he was doing something else i.e. got a better offer. In the old days if you were meeting someone in town you had to show up as you had no means of cancelling.

It was deflating on the day. However, my bestie had travelled over from another continent for my birthday, so nothing was dampening my mood as he was there. Another few had travelled 200miles+ to be there. Plus I have some fantastic memories from the evening made with those who did come.

Definitely made me decide to never do anything of that scale again.

Those who never came were a mix of good friends and acquaintances. I never cut anyone out because they didn't come to my party, however some of them are no longer in my life due to the passing of time.

I always think it's their loss. I love a party, me! And if I don't want to go to something, I always say no immediately.

I think FB inviting didn't help my cause. FB feels a bit of a throwaway invite rather than a targeted "I really would love you to be there" Did you FB invite OP?

That's very true!! With messaging you can lie and you can't tell! I highly doubt that 12 people that were coming to mine all had genuine reasons which happened to only happen a few hours before. But I'm sure some were genuine but I just won't ever know!

Sorry this happened to you. It's one of the reasons I decided not to have a party for my recent big birthday - couldn't face people dropping out at the last minute.

I think it's been this way for a while and it's just so rude. People don't give a shit anymore. DD went to an 18th last night and the girl's parents had gone to a huge effort as 60 ish people said they were going. DD came back and said that 15 people turned up. Absolutely fucking awful for that poor girl and her parents. Worse, DD saw photos on Instagram of about ten of the no-shows on a night out elsewhere. I don't understand accepting and invitation then not turning up, if you don't want to go, don't accept.

I do alot on my own now op. Got tired of being let down by people. Its just crap. Hate flaky people

I created a WhatsApp group and did have a very very intimate gathering and I need to be grateful for those who came. I'm not one to cut people off but it did sting a little.

I find it so so rude!! All my family are sticklers for being reliable and showing up when we say we will. I hate to let people down. Poor girl on her 18th too.

I know I'm flaky so now I just don't accept invitations to anything. Socialising is a big effort for me, I generally enjoy myself when I'm there, but more often than not I'm just tired and cba even getting ready to go out. It's nothing personal at all to any of my friends. I WFH, self-employed and with that and family I have very little downtime and the little I have I want to do absolutely nothing; attending events just seems like an extra job to me at the end of a long day. So now, I just don't accept invitations - it's pretty shitty to accept then decline on the day, but then I think birthday parties are something you feel like you should go to, so they may feel obligated to accept in the moment. People just don't like saying no until they absolutely have to. I agree that texts make this easier for the flakier amongst us.

I think we're all just too busy tbh, I've definitely got into the bad habit of living to work, rather than working to live - I need to address that...when I have time 🤦🏻‍♀️

I hope you had a lovely day anyway OP.

It's nothing new. I remember a work meal someone organised about 10 years ago - 15 accepted, 3 people actually turned up. V. embarrassing going into restaurant where a table for 15 had been set up.

In response to an invitation, 'yes' no longer means 'yes' - it means 'if I can be arsed on the day and don't get a better offer in the meantime.'

Yes I agree. It was because these people said "ill be there" and "woudnt miss it for the world" and then all the same people said they want to meet up to make it up or take me for coffee etc etc. Again not expecting it but it never happened. Wish people wouldn't say things if they have no intention of doing it!

It’s terrible and I’ve had it happen so many times to me that I’ve given up organising group activities now. I organise one on one coffees or trips to the cinema etc. I can’t be bothered with saving the date and planning and then to have an empty evening. It’s amazing how many seem to come down with covid like symptoms on the day!

I agree with pp who mentioned mobile phones as a contributor to this.

I wonder if, also, it's because the idea of staying at home is more attractive than it might have been, say, 25 years ago. Nowadays people can get their meal of choice delivered to their house, watch pretty much any film they want, access a wide range of games and so on in the internet.

Go back in time and to get food and entertainment at home you had to go out to pick up a takeaway and rent a video (with nothing else really on offer and nowhere near as wide a range of TV and films). You couldn't decide you'd rather cabbage on the sofa and have food and entertainment on tap without setting foot outside. So, you might as well go out even if it felt like a bit of an effort (and you knew you'd probably enjoy it when you got there).

Just a thought!

Yes maybe although this was for a big birthday celebration and also I put in message how it would be lovely to see everyone after it had been a very difficult few months after a tragic loss.

Anyway, you have all made me feel better. I felt like it was personal and I was too sensitive. Sounds like it happens alot xx

I’ve had this so many times

i used to do a big garden party every summer. People would start dropping out a day before and on the actual day. I stoppped hosting and people complained 🙄

@Azure82 Yep, I feel for you if people just couldn't be arsed but we're local. I stopped organising anything more than my own group of4 proper close friends. Too many experiences of 12 people down to 5 etc !!!

I couldn’t go to me friends 40th last night because I’m still positive for covid
i sat on the beach and cried instead that I was being denied fun thanks to a virus

The passage at church today was Luke 14: “Jesus replied: “A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. 17 At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, ‘Come, for everything is now ready.’
18 “But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, ‘I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me.’
19 “Another said, ‘I have just bought five yoke of oxen, and I’m on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.’
20 “Still another said, ‘I just got married, so I can’t come.’
21 “The servant came back and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.’(N)
22 “‘Sir,’ the servant said, ‘what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.’
23 “Then the master told his servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full.24 I tell you, not one of those who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.’”

Obviously people being totally flakey has been a thing for 2000 years, and you probably don’t need to take it too personally! 😝

I hate that this has become the norm. We got home earlier from a day out and I’d really like to put on my pyjamas and chill on the sofa but we made arrangements to see friends for dinner so I will put on a smile and make the effort. I wouldn’t dream of cancelling last minute unless something serious had happened.

Im organising a big birthday party for my mum in a couple of weeks and I’m quite nervous how many people will actually turn up as it’s a big venue and will look awful if it’s half empty.

Well they missed out on my banquet! 😅😅

Thats the first time in my life I have found a Bible passage to be relevant!

I’m so sorry that’s so rubbish. How many incited and how much actually showed up?
The people who were always a bit flakey have got worse with covid. I’ve stopped bothering and assuming with some, but those who I know are reliable still are.

How much do you get in touch with them generally? I feel like everything can feel like a lot of effort these days so if you don’t hear from someone between catch ups I can see people being more flakey and less bothered.