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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend Rejects My Kids

91 replies

Taylor79 · 18/04/2022 12:23

Hi all
I broke up with my boyfriend. He’s 62, I am 42. The age gap doesn’t bother me as we had a lot in common and he’s fit and healthy. However he had no interest in my kids age 11 and 19. He started off coming over but then changed to I must come to his house. Took my 11 year old daughter with initially. But then he started saying we had no alone time so if she was with a friend I’d visit him alone. He became more demanding that I leave her home - even alone for a couple hours to visit him. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone. I know couples need some time alone but he knew I was a mum with a younger child from the start. True, she didn’t like me dating as I’d been single 6 years so it was new. My son struggled with it too. However my kids are not out of control monsters. My boyfriend started telling me to send them to live with their father 7 hours away reasoning that it will be good for me to have a break from 90% responsibilities single parenting. Naturally, I’m not parting with my kids. He became nasty and told me they’re the worst children he’s ever met and he’s trying to help me have a better life. His children are all grown up and he seems to have a decent relationship with them. He has good points and we had special moments, but I broke it off as I couldn’t see it working if he won’t accept and include my daughter. One of my friends said I should remember my son is basically adult and my daughter will also grow up, so I need to think about my happiness and future. I believe I made the right choice because your kids come first especially when they’re still growing up.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 18/04/2022 12:25

You did the right thing

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/04/2022 12:25

He sounds like a right wanker and I suspect he was lining you up for a role as his future carer. Dodged a bullet there OP.

If course your DC won't always be at home but you can do better than this twat!

NewandNotImproved · 18/04/2022 12:26

Ok?

layladomino · 18/04/2022 12:27

You have done the right thing.

Yes your children will grow up, but when that happens - why would you want to be with a man so callous and selfish and unfeeling??

I can't believe he suggested you send your children to live with their dad! And then claimed he was doing it for your sake (despite the fact it clearly was all about what he wanted)!!

And if he's this manipulative / selfish / controlling / uncaring for your feelings and opinions / plain nasty, he's likely to be like that about life in general. Childcare issues aside, he is mean and selfish and you're better off without him.

autumnboys · 18/04/2022 12:27

You’ve definitely dodged a bullet, he sounds horrible.

DropYourSword · 18/04/2022 12:30

My boyfriend started telling me to send them to live with their father 7 hours away reasoning that it will be good for me to have a break from 90% responsibilities single parenting. Naturally, I’m not parting with my kids. He became nasty and told me they’re the worst children he’s ever met

Aaaand that's the point that I'd have broken up with someone too. Kids come first. And yeah, they'll grow up. But why would you ever want to be with a total dickhead like this anyway. You'll find someone better.

Furrbabymama87 · 18/04/2022 12:30

He's 62 and doesn't want to start over with kids which is understandable but he should never have got with you in the first place. When you get with someone with kids they come as part of the package. On top of that he sounds like a manipulative bully. Better off without him.

Itwasntmeright · 18/04/2022 12:33

You did the right thing. He sounds like a complete and utter twat and you’re well rid.

frogsbreath · 18/04/2022 12:37

You did the right thing. I can't believe he wanted you to send away your children for him. You will find a better partner, tbh it would be hard to find a worse man.

Be happy that you put yourself and your kids before that manipulative bully

tribpot · 18/04/2022 12:44

One of my friends said I should remember my son is basically adult and my daughter will also grow up, so I need to think about my happiness and future.
Is that really true? Or did he say that? If genuinely a friend said that, they need binning as well.

Laserbird16 · 18/04/2022 12:45

Good work on having your priorities right. Carry on safe in the knowledge you're now free to meet someone who loves all of you and the important people in your life. Your friend can date him if she thinks he's such a catch.

maddy68 · 18/04/2022 12:45

I definitely would not with a guy like that

merryhouse · 18/04/2022 12:52

Absolutely the right thing to do was break up with him.

However, I think it's worth mentioning that it's not much of a date if you're looking after an 11-year-old. If you can't leave her you can't date, really.

Mermaidwaves · 18/04/2022 12:53

A horrible, grumpy sounding bloke 20 years older than you who hates your kids despite him having his own wants you to send them to live 7 hours away from you? Who the hell does he think he is! Angry

Presumably he expects you to accept his children grown up or not? In another 10 years you might be wiping his arse so be glad you've dumped this absolute turd of a man.

GoodSoup · 18/04/2022 12:55

Definitely the right decision to break up with him.

But how soon were your kids meeting him?

AKASammyScrounge · 18/04/2022 12:55

He's not worth having.

BlusteryLake · 18/04/2022 12:58

It's understandable that someone his age might not want to be involved teenagers again, in which case he should find a partner with adult kids or none at all. He has shown his true colours with his attitude, and I don't think you can go back from there. Also, as a PP said, do you really want to be caring for an old man when you're in your fifties? Get rid.

WonderfulYou · 18/04/2022 12:59

He sounds vile and you definitely made the right decision.

Your friend doesn’t sound like a good friend either.

If you want to start dating then there are plenty of people available and your DCs are at an age where dating will get easier and easier.

Never be with someone who doesn’t want/like children because the relationship won’t last.

FlowerArranger · 18/04/2022 13:04

Sigh.
If you go on Match or Plenty of Fish you'll find that these sites are stacked to the rafters with men in their 50s and 60s who are looking for women much younger them...

Taylor79 · 18/04/2022 13:05

She didn’t mind being left home if it was during daylight. We did get time alone and quality time at that. But it’s not reasonable to date someone with a minor and expect to never have that child in your presence. It’s not reasonable to expect to leave them alone at dark - even for an hour.

OP posts:
Taylor79 · 18/04/2022 13:06

6 weeks after I started dating him. He came over for a coffee.

OP posts:
Taylor79 · 18/04/2022 13:08

He has been on Tinder 😞 although that’s not how I met him.

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 18/04/2022 13:09

@Taylor79

She didn’t mind being left home if it was during daylight. We did get time alone and quality time at that. But it’s not reasonable to date someone with a minor and expect to never have that child in your presence. It’s not reasonable to expect to leave them alone at dark - even for an hour.
In my views if I was to date a lady with kids, then they come as a package, and you make the effort to get to know them all, weather it's a casual relationship or if the relationship was to then become more permanent.

It seems rude to expect otherwise.

Taylor79 · 18/04/2022 13:09

My friend did say that. Tbh she’s never been a proper friend

OP posts:
britneyisfree · 18/04/2022 13:09

Wow. What a wanker.

You deffo did the right thing. Next time ditch quicker.

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