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Original poster

Boyfriend Rejects My Kids

91 replies

Taylor79 · 18/04/2022 12:23

Hi all
I broke up with my boyfriend. He’s 62, I am 42. The age gap doesn’t bother me as we had a lot in common and he’s fit and healthy. However he had no interest in my kids age 11 and 19. He started off coming over but then changed to I must come to his house. Took my 11 year old daughter with initially. But then he started saying we had no alone time so if she was with a friend I’d visit him alone. He became more demanding that I leave her home - even alone for a couple hours to visit him. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone. I know couples need some time alone but he knew I was a mum with a younger child from the start. True, she didn’t like me dating as I’d been single 6 years so it was new. My son struggled with it too. However my kids are not out of control monsters. My boyfriend started telling me to send them to live with their father 7 hours away reasoning that it will be good for me to have a break from 90% responsibilities single parenting. Naturally, I’m not parting with my kids. He became nasty and told me they’re the worst children he’s ever met and he’s trying to help me have a better life. His children are all grown up and he seems to have a decent relationship with them. He has good points and we had special moments, but I broke it off as I couldn’t see it working if he won’t accept and include my daughter. One of my friends said I should remember my son is basically adult and my daughter will also grow up, so I need to think about my happiness and future. I believe I made the right choice because your kids come first especially when they’re still growing up.

OP posts:
Onthedunes · 18/04/2022 13:12

Oh God, he wasn't even worth typing this thread out for, was he.

Have a party, you've got rid.

He's a twat and your friend is not too child friendly either, are they?

Set them up on a date they sound ideal for one another.

VodselForDinner · 18/04/2022 13:14

Oh OP, what are you playing at?

I’m delighted to hear you have him the heave-ho but surely you realise that bringing an 11 year old girl into the house of a strange man who is old enough to be her grandfather, isn’t wise?

Original poster
Taylor79 · 18/04/2022 13:19

He tried to say I’m a bad parent and my daughter will be better off with her father even though he moved far from his kids, only sees them twice a year, rarely phones them. I don’t think I’m a bad mother. My children are educated, healthy, never seen me drink, do drugs, bring home strange men. The worst thing I do is probably given into them too much but again, with small things, not in major areas

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 18/04/2022 13:20

@Taylor79

6 weeks after I started dating him. He came over for a coffee.
Ffs. Why do women do this?

Don’t introduce men to your children this early on.

Prioritise your children.

gamerchick · 18/04/2022 13:21

He's a prick and you're well rid. Onward.

LadyMacduff · 18/04/2022 13:22

I agree that it's probably best to keep your children as far away from any men you're dating as you can, however nice they seem. I wouldn't be interested in introducing them unless it was becoming serious. However, his attitude that you would choose him over your children is very odd, and you're right to have ended it.

MarshmallowSwede · 18/04/2022 13:23

This man could be dead by the time your kids are adults.

He’s 62.. in 20yrs if he’s still alive he will be 82. I get you have a lot in common but that’s now. Are you really thinking an 82 yr old will be up for nights?

And any man telling you to chose him over your children needs to be thrown in the rubbish bin.

ProudThrilledHappy · 18/04/2022 13:25

Sorry but introducing your kids to a man after only 6 weeks is too soon. You shouldn’t expect your kids to form a relationship with someone until you are certain the relationship has a solid future.

If he really wants to see you he will be flexible around your family needs but I agree it is too early for your DC to be seeing him with you this soon

NewandNotImproved · 18/04/2022 13:33

Did you want advice or anything, OP? Your first post was just a statement.
You need to have some safeguarding in place, bringing a bloke you’d been dating for a few weeks in to your child’s home was dreadful.

Original poster
Taylor79 · 18/04/2022 13:34

We all learn from experience. My ex husband left me for another woman and introduced our kids to her just 2 weeks after he moved out. Kids accepted her. He’s had 8 partners since her and my kids have met all of them and been fine with it. I probably assumed they would be ok with me seeing someone but I do realise I had been alone nearly 6 years and they got used to being just them and me. Definitely should have taken things slower

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 18/04/2022 13:35

@Taylor79

6 weeks after I started dating him. He came over for a coffee.
Way too soon.

Though that doesn't alter the fact that he's a total arse

Seraphinesupport · 18/04/2022 13:40

WOW the fact he thinks he would come priority over your kids is disgusting you did a good thing. those kids would have grown up knowing you abandoned them for some old man. Screw that. what a creep. I dont agree people have to love other peoples kids but you give them respect, you care for them anyhow

Sswhinesthebest · 18/04/2022 13:45

Fair enough that at his age he can’t be doing with kids. But you come as a package and the fact he would even try to get you to lesson contact with them, means he isn’t a good person.

Alightjacket · 18/04/2022 13:50

Your friend sounds stupid. You did the right thing. He's a wanker! Your kids come first!!!

DebtheSander · 18/04/2022 14:05

Well done for getting rid. You would be wise to make sure he stays gone.

He has every right to not want to be involved in your dc’s life as well as not want anymore children. He has no right to tell what to do or how to parent.

In 10 years time, your dd will be 21. Full of independence but probably not living life fully independent. You will be just 52. In a great place. He will be 72. Fast forward another 10 years…

chisanunian · 18/04/2022 14:12

He tried to say I'm a bad parent and my daughter will be better off with her father

What???!!!

There are only two words you need to say to him, and the second one is 'off'.

FabFitFifties · 18/04/2022 14:57

Stop analysing your parenting skills and be more judgemental re your future partners. I'm sure you are a lovely mum. Congratulations on getting rid of what sounds like vile man.

jimmyjammy001 · 18/04/2022 15:48

Sounds like your both at different stages in life, most blokes don't want to be dealing with kids if they haven't got any themselves zyou did the right thing for both your sakes, he shouldn't of got in a relationship with someone he knew has got children if he dosent want to accept the package deal.

mrziggycoco · 18/04/2022 16:33

Yes you need to think about your happiness and future but how can you be happy with someone who does not respect your children? Children are the most precious thing in our lives and only a partner who values them as an extension of yourself is worth any of your time.

Your baby is very young. You probably don't want to be away from your baby for long and nor does the baby want to be away from their mother, the baby doesn't understand where you've gone, they have no object permanence. It's not to be taken lightly; if you get with someone they should hold your children in the highest regard. No exceptions.

pointythings · 18/04/2022 16:43

You had a lucky escape there. He never intended to respect you and your priorities.

iknowthismuchis · 18/04/2022 16:52

This man was clearly going to end up abusive. Honestly 6 weeks is far too soon for your children to meet a new man and a new man never gets to dictate what you do with your children. This was a very very lucky escape- you can do so much better

Butterfly44 · 18/04/2022 17:00

He doesn't sound great - Horrid things to say - I would get rid and move on.
But also I would not go and visit bf and take my kid with me. I'd visit when they were not at home, at dad's or get a sitter.
In a new relationship you shouldn't be introducing kids to a new partner straight in anyway.

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 18/04/2022 17:11

You’ve done the right thing by your kids ending it.

But you’ve primarily done the right thing by you. Even if you didn’t have any kids, we’d all be screaming at you to break it off as he is a controlling, manipulative man with red flags everywhere.

Well done, your life will be happier for this decision.

JanglyBeads · 18/04/2022 17:14

@mrziggycoco her youngest is 11 years not 11 months....

stripeyflowers · 18/04/2022 17:21

He's a selfish git - good riddance.