Boyfriend Rejects My Kids

[Taylor79]

Hi all
I broke up with my boyfriend. He’s 62, I am 42. The age gap doesn’t bother me as we had a lot in common and he’s fit and healthy. However he had no interest in my kids age 11 and 19. He started off coming over but then changed to I must come to his house. Took my 11 year old daughter with initially. But then he started saying we had no alone time so if she was with a friend I’d visit him alone. He became more demanding that I leave her home - even alone for a couple hours to visit him. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone. I know couples need some time alone but he knew I was a mum with a younger child from the start. True, she didn’t like me dating as I’d been single 6 years so it was new. My son struggled with it too. However my kids are not out of control monsters. My boyfriend started telling me to send them to live with their father 7 hours away reasoning that it will be good for me to have a break from 90% responsibilities single parenting. Naturally, I’m not parting with my kids. He became nasty and told me they’re the worst children he’s ever met and he’s trying to help me have a better life. His children are all grown up and he seems to have a decent relationship with them. He has good points and we had special moments, but I broke it off as I couldn’t see it working if he won’t accept and include my daughter. One of my friends said I should remember my son is basically adult and my daughter will also grow up, so I need to think about my happiness and future. I believe I made the right choice because your kids come first especially when they’re still growing up.

He sounds sleazy and manipulative. Raise your bar OP

No absolutely not worth a second thought. Who the hell does he think he is too call your children's behaviour and expect you to pack them off miles away so you can dance to his tune
As pp have stated he is looking for a carer in the years to come. You are better off without him

I was with him 9 months but being a single mother, and him being a truck driver, we didn’t spend much time together. I saw the signs of impatience with me, raised voice, swearing etc almost straight away. The dislike of my kids took longer. He would trivialise my complaints and blame me because I have less relationship experience or I’m immature or I have mental health issues

One of my friends is with a man who still resents her DC. She works like a dog, he does not. He does spend lots of money and her DC couldnt wait to leave home.

He knew you had DC so he needed to accept them. It sounds like he was lining you up to look after him.

I will look into the freedom program

www.northyorkshirewaterpark.co.uk/

Newly set up and amazing

His children may be alright, decent adults - but you can guarantee he probably wasn’t the one doing the majority of the child raising and that their behaviour is down to his ex wife.

His attitude is disgusting and controlling and he’s trying to alienate you from your own children.

Run.

Don’t look back.

His daughters were 4 and 13 when his wife left him and moved interstate. He saw them school holidays. His ex wife would have had the lions share raising them. I asked how can he expect me to send my daughter away when he hated his being so far away. He simply said because his kids are decent and mine are awful.

@Taylor79

His daughters were 4 and 13 when his wife left him and moved interstate. He saw them school holidays. His ex wife would have had the lions share raising them. I asked how can he expect me to send my daughter away when he hated his being so far away. He simply said because his kids are decent and mine are awful.

If anyone said that to me about my kids, they would be out the door clutching their nuts in both hands.

Maybe this is why he hasn’t had a long term relationship in 18 years!

OP, in the nicest possible way, you need to raise the bar on the men and friends you choose. You say your BF has a good relationship with his grown up kids, but you won't if you put an ageing, entitled dickhead before your children and allow them to feel pushed away.

I broke it off and don’t intend going back.

I broke it off and don’t intend going back

Good move, you've dodged a right bullet there.

He does sound very manipulative and controlling though, so be prepared for him to not let you go without a battle. Could you go completely no contact with him? Is the only way to get away from people like that IME

You're still young though and have years ahead to meet someone. Why not wait until your kids are adults to meet someone, because unfortunately a lot of us single Mums are an easy target of twats such as this one.

Don't waste precious mental energy on people like him, devote it to your kids instead, it'll pay off massively in the long run.

I had been single for 6 years when I met him. After this experience I plan to just focus on my kids especially my 11 year old. And work on myself and self esteem. It’s hard at times being single mum, but it’s easier than being with the wrong person

I think that's a really wise move OP and I really wish you and your DC's all the best.

I did exactly the same when my youngest was about the same age, and yes it's tough as a LP, but as you say - better than being with the wrong person, especially one that could cause a rift in your future relationships with your DC's, or affect the rest of their childhood in a negative way, as they'd carry that for life.

Could you maybe do some training or something that interests you? That'll help your self esteem, and give you a different focus.

Thank you for your encouragement.
Studying something plus joining a group for outdoor activities such as hiking is in my plans.