Page 3 | Not all men are bad!.. wanted to share!

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/04/2022 08:07

I’d pick my dh up after a night out, I’d expect the same from him.

Baffling responses upthread and I’m glad you can see through them @chipchops

OrlandointheWilderness · 17/04/2022 08:08

Eh?! I'd offer to pick my bf up from an night out at midnight, just as he would me! Mn is a strange and scary place sometimes.
You enjoy OP, I know what it's like to dread making phone calls and then get the complete opposite of the reaction you were expecting. It's bloody lovely isn't it!

TheBigDilemma · 17/04/2022 08:09

@AubadeIsIt

If you don't live together, kudos to this gentleman for actually convincing his booty call to come pick him up. Making yourself available for this kind of shitty favour sends the wrong message, as does the profuse apologising. Please be careful, because the 'come get me first thing' is NOT on. It was a night out with friends, his choice, not a double shift at the hospital. Take a f*cking bus if you can't afford a car or a taxi.

Jesus, aren’t you nice??? Booty call? Just because she offered to collect him after a night out?

Some women…

Gladioli23 · 17/04/2022 08:09

I am quite happy to pick people up in ways that inconvenience me - I have gone out and collected my dad from a night out, dropped a friend off at a mechanic 25 mins drive away before work and picked up friends from weddings who are staying with me.

They are equal relationships where the other person also does nice stuff for me.

If that is the relationship OP has with her partner then offering to pick up at midnight is a totally reasonable (and nice) thing to offer and not a specific issue.

I can easily imagine offering thinking I'll easily be awake, getting sleepy and setting an alarm just in case and then sleeping through it.

MarryMeTomHardy · 17/04/2022 08:12

@chipchops

I spent 3 years in a toxic relationship, full of guilt tripping, manipulation and always being made to feel small. I honestly thought I’d never get out, or find anyone half decent.

Fast forward and I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 7 months. It’s all been so foreign to me and I do sometimes self sabotage as I half expect it to go wrong.

I was due to pick him up late tonight as he went out with his friends but somehow I ended up falling asleep and not hearing any alarm I set. I woke up at 2am to 5 missed calls and 5 texts. This set my panic mode off as I instantly thought he would be livid.

Instead the texts said “I’ll stay at Xs (his friend), don’t worry” “I hope you’re okay, let me know that you’re okay” and “night I love you”.

I called him at 2am in a panic, apologising over and over. He kept saying “it’s okay beautiful it’s not the end of the world”, “just come get me first thing, get some rest”, “I love you don’t beat yourself up, I’m just glad you’re okay”

It honestly actually feels so SO strange to me not being made to feel small, had a go at, anything. It’s almost as if I don’t believe a relationship could be so good or healthy. I don’t understand how he’s not livid at me.

Anyone who thinks it can’t get better or there’s no decent men out there I promise they’re out there!!

I get it OP!

ASDorNO · 17/04/2022 08:23

Jeez!! This site can really suck the joy out of someone else's small win. The OP is talking about being spoken to kindly and with love. The offer to pick him up from a night out is a red herring that all the vultures have jumped on.

Well done OP and I hope you haven't come back to read this (because it'll mean you've also read the other shitty posts).

LauriePartridge4Eva · 17/04/2022 08:38

I think he sounds decent OP...soon i hope this becomes the behaviour you expect. Living in fear is not living. Good luck to both of you for your future.

Diddlysquat13 · 17/04/2022 08:39

@chipchops

Didnt realise offering to pick up my boyfriend every now and then was troubling behaviour that means I need to be in therapy. This website baffles me sometimes. I’m going to stop posting/reading now but I hope this at least made someone feel hope

It’s the fact he accepted that gets me

No way would I want someone on a Saturday night to pick me up late after a night out with friends

And there’s not a chance a man like my father, brother or any precious boyfriends or my ex husband would ever have accepted

namechangeranonymouse · 17/04/2022 08:49

Ignore the stupid posters whinging on about a taxi. You love someone and offer to pick them up, you oversleep and rearrange for the following day. What's the big deal?

FWIW I entirely get what you are saying having been in a similar situation. Expecting a load of shit dumped on your head and then realising nice people actually don't mind you making mistakes.

namechangeranonymouse · 17/04/2022 08:52

I would offer to pick my husband up at midnight or later, just as I would me oldest child. It's because I love them, want them to be safe and not wandering around looking for taxis when they've had a few drinks, and because it would give me peace of mind.

needmorethanthis · 17/04/2022 09:02

It’s the fact her response was to prostrate herself with the sorrys and then immediately his response is come and pick me up in the morning. No. He doesn’t get to tell you to do that. Offering to pick up a husband when there are firm boundaries and respect in place is different to someone who has come out of the relationship this poster has and bending over backwards like she is and it being bad enough she needs to post on here.

I stand by my opinion you need to be in therapy and not in a relationship

MissMaple82 · 17/04/2022 09:15

Sorry but you don't actually know a person's true colours in 7 months, you're still in that wooing, honey moon period. Although I do agree not all men are bad but its too soon to be raving about the ark angel you have found

TheBigDilemma · 17/04/2022 09:40

@MissMaple82

Sorry but you don't actually know a person's true colours in 7 months, you're still in that wooing, honey moon period. Although I do agree not all men are bad but its too soon to be raving about the ark angel you have found

I disagree with that, you don’t really know a person until you divorce them

…so let op enjoy the change a bit.

U2HasTheEdge · 17/04/2022 12:04

@needmorethanthis

Why would you be picking him up? The fact that’s even a thing is troubling. That’s not good, normal or healthy. I think it’s good you’ve posted. You need to be in therapy. I’m saying this kindly. Go to therapy with someone who is skilled in domestic violence and boundary setting. You shouldn’t be in a relationship right now. You are very vulnerable and disregulated.

My husband picked me up last night from a friend's house because I had been drinking. I asked him if he minded picking me up and he was happy to.

I have picked him up before too as a favour. I can assure you my marriage is good and healthy.

layladomino · 17/04/2022 12:55

I think he sounds normal and decent, which is what the Op is celebrating.

She isn't pretening he's a saint or Mr Wonderful. But he's a regular, decent person who doesn't abuse her when she makes a mistake.

She offered to pick him up at midnight (I'm amazed how many people on here think you shouldn't ever pick someone up late at night), and slept through it. He made other arrangements and texted to check she was OK. An ordinary, decent , non-abusive person.

Enjoy celebrating the ordinariness of it Op.

DropYourSword · 17/04/2022 12:59

Honestly OP this place is a miserable bloody swamp at times. You were sharing something that made you happy. Don't let the miserable comments and negativity being you down.

AubadeIsIt · 17/04/2022 16:02

@needmorethanthis

It’s the fact her response was to prostrate herself with the sorrys and then immediately his response is come and pick me up in the morning. No. He doesn’t get to tell you to do that. Offering to pick up a husband when there are firm boundaries and respect in place is different to someone who has come out of the relationship this poster has and bending over backwards like she is and it being bad enough she needs to post on here.

I stand by my opinion you need to be in therapy and not in a relationship

Totally agree, this is not comparable to picking up a wife or teenage child, and other people who would do the same as OP while in the same situation are as vulnerable (or are keen to keep tabs on their partners by being there at the end of their night out). Setting an alarm at 2 am for a seven-month old relationship with someone you don't live with? The truth sucks, sorry.

AubadeIsIt · 17/04/2022 16:04

Also, he did not call last minute because he was drunk and couldn't get home. It was planned.

SamMil · 17/04/2022 16:12

My husband and I have picked each other up late from nights out loads of times (pre-kids!).

Does that mean we are both "setting the bar too low"?

Mumsnet really makes me laugh sometimes - so uptight!

Simonjt · 17/04/2022 16:14

@SamMil

My husband and I have picked each other up late from nights out loads of times (pre-kids!).

Does that mean we are both "setting the bar too low"?

Mumsnet really makes me laugh sometimes - so uptight!

I once mentioned that I was picking my then boyfriend now husband up from the airport, you would have thought I was treking to the fires of Mount Doom from the replies!

Original poster

chipchops · 17/04/2022 16:15

I don’t know how many times I/others have to say, I didn’t set an alarm for 2am. I arranged to pick him up around midnight, as a nice favour, and fell asleep and accidentally woke up at 2.
My instinct panicked when I saw missed calls and messages and the old relationship would’ve seen a barrage of abuse. I was just celebrating that it was calm and normal, and giving hope to those who may be stuck.

Thanks to all those who had lovely things to say. Have a great Easter all

OP posts:

PonyPatter44 · 17/04/2022 16:20

I totally get what you're saying,OP. I was with an unpleasant, selfish, aggressive man for 20+ years, and I walked on eggshells. Now I am with someone who is his complete opposite, but when we first got together I spent a lot of time worrying that he would get angry or lise his shit over small things, because that was what I had been conditioned to expect.

I am glad you have found someone who treats you well. Long may it last!

Perfect28 · 17/04/2022 16:23

I think you have only been together a few months.

Original poster

chipchops · 17/04/2022 16:33

Why does that matter?

OP posts:

Kanaloa · 17/04/2022 16:41

@chipchops

I’m baffled that offering to pick up my boyfriend from a night out (which I don’t always do, by the way) in itself means I need to be in therapy? What on Earth

I didn’t say offering to pick someone up means you need to be in therapy. I think anyone who’s escaped abuse should seek therapy for their own good. And the worrying thing wasn’t offering to pick him up, it was profusely apologising and panicking followed by putting a man you’ve known 7 months on a pedestal because he allowed you to pick him up first thing instead and didn’t scream and shout at you.