@DFOD I have not heard of RTM therapy but will look into it. I will use the links you have sent as part of my research.
Thank you for your kind help. I found toxic parents helpful and will try to encourage him to read it. He read a good chunk of ' The body keeps the score' but struggled with it triggering him.
He does not know much about his father's family. They lived in Pakistan and America. They visited a few times and one of them, an aunt or female cousin touched him inappropriately. He has said that his father was abused as a child but I don't know how. He has no contact with them. After his cousin was turned down for marriage he abused the sister.
His mother started telling him as a teen that her sister was horrible and he last saw her aged 17. His mother told him not to speak to his aunt. His mother told his aunt he disliked her. We think this was so he could not disclose the abuse. He met his gran 3 times, and one of those was a funeral. His aunt could not have kids but had a nice husband. He was injured in a burglary and died later on of a brain aneurysm linked to being hit on the head. My partner liked his uncle and his uncle's family but they all died, his uncle's brother died in a car accident and their mother of natural causes. The aunt remarried a wealthy widower and his mother was very jealous of her lifestyle. His maternal grandfather and great grandfather died shortly before he was born and were reportedly ok despite his grandad drinking. Sadly all the decent people in his life died.
His mother has one cousin who she only met a few times and who my partner never met. He only knows she exists because the cousin was left a family portrait in the grans will. His mum took it and bitched about the cousin to him when told to give it back. She deliberately caused 4000 pounds of damage to the painting because she was forced to give it back. It didn't even belong to her mother, it was the cousins father's property and had been borrowed. She was lucky the cousin did not go to the police. She stopped having contact with the cousins parents decades before because they would not help her financially as they had sometimes helped her mother.
I downloaded the will because I suspected my partner was a beneficiary because his mother would not let him see the will. This was correct.
I contacted the cousin who is named in the will, I found her on Facebook. I asked her to have a relationship with my partner. She is best friends with the estranged aunt. They have been working on an email relationship and will hopefully meet over the summer.
What my partner's uncle with downs syndrome dies the grans house gets sold. It was his mother's idea for her to live there, but when gran died she rented it out. He is in the will, and the aunt and a solicitor can give the money from the house to any descendent or descendents of the gran that they feel are deserving of money. His mother gets no say as she refused to help with probate and so could not become a trustee.
My partner has OCD, depression and complex post traumatic stress disorder. He had relationship s of only a year or two until he met his ex. He stayed 3 and a half years because she had a child and was obviously an inadequate parent and he wanted to protect the child but the kid was witnessing her hit him.
He has a film degree and has done some acting with various odd jobs but we hope if he can get better he could do some drama teaching. I teach art. He is kind, creative and outgoing.
We have been together five years and he has been working very hard on processing trauma but we have only known he had complex PTSD for just over a year. He had lots of treatment for OCD. I found out about complex PTSD from Mumsnet and you tube and a psychiatrist confirmed it.
Hence why I am using Mumsnet to help now as the internet has been a fantastic tool in working out how to best deal with his trauma.
We want to end the intergenerational trauma. So we are trying to get him as well as possible before having a baby.