Please can you all tell me what you do with your evenings being single?

[Cupcake00]

Also weekends?
I need some inspiration.
My dcs are teens and like to do their own thing most of the time.
I would love to hear what you do that makes you happy to be single.

Lots of us quite liked being a mum @aurynne so will take what you just said to heart. Some of us really prided ourselves on being good mums and quite a few will have made this their identity for so long that when it's not needed anymore they're quite lost without it.

When your identity is made up of caring for others for 16 plus years like mine is, it's quite hard to even know what you really like outside of that. I liked being a mum, I complained about it a lot during the time but I look back now and I had so much fun doing things with my dc. It's quite a scary change for some people. I also wasn't one of those mums who didn't do things outside of dc, I was more than happy to palm them off to family and go out with my friends, I didn't self sacrifice to a massive amount and it's still hard to find myself outside of being a mum. If you're very sure in who you are and what you like and you've never lost yourself in motherhood and marriage then fair play. Please write a blog or a book about it as I'm sure lots of people will little dc would find it useful.

@aurynne

Anything I feel like doing! Possibilities are endless. Honestly I find it baffling that people don't know what to do with their free time, especially after a lifetime of caring for children, which I consider the most boring and time-consuming activity in the entire world.

Do tell us @aurynne

So you can do anything you feel like?

Is it bog standard Netflix binges/cooking/chatting to friends...or do you have more "niche" hobbies that require skill and expertise?

@DragonOverTheMoon

Lots of us quite liked being a mum *@aurynne* so will take what you just said to heart. Some of us really prided ourselves on being good mums and quite a few will have made this their identity for so long that when it's not needed anymore they're quite lost without it.

When your identity is made up of caring for others for 16 plus years like mine is, it's quite hard to even know what you really like outside of that. I liked being a mum, I complained about it a lot during the time but I look back now and I had so much fun doing things with my dc. It's quite a scary change for some people. I also wasn't one of those mums who didn't do things outside of dc, I was more than happy to palm them off to family and go out with my friends, I didn't self sacrifice to a massive amount and it's still hard to find myself outside of being a mum. If you're very sure in who you are and what you like and you've never lost yourself in motherhood and marriage then fair play. Please write a blog or a book about it as I'm sure lots of people will little dc would find it useful.

But you never stop being a mum, surely? It’s not an identity to shrug off like a coat that’s gone out of fashion, it endures for your lifetime. I felt sorry for the poster who found it boring, but she was expressing her own personal experience, not denigrating that if others.

The trick I think is to add things to that identity when you have the time and freedom to do so. This certainly takes time as child-rearing to 18 is full on. But there’s no rush.

It's completely different being a mum to little ones then a mum to teenagers. I have never been SAHM and have always had my own life going on, but I can see how some women make being a mum their identity and I wouldn't ridicule them for it.

To be fair several people, including myself, have responded with ‘anything I want to’ or similar

I’m a mum, I love being a mum, but I can’t say at times its not been incredibly boring and tedious.

For most of us ‘anything I want’ will have restrictions of time, money and other responsibilities.

I still have to go to work the next day, feed the cat and the fish. And my son is 17, has ASD so I still have stuff to do with and for him.
But within certain parameters I can do what I want. I don’t have any ‘niche’ hobbies but I could if I wanted to.
But as I dont - If I want to laze around on the sofa watching TV I can, if I want to go the allotment I can, if I want to go out - cinema, theatre, gigs etc etc I can. And I do.

Absolutely anything I fucking want to including indulging in what was described in Sex and the City as "Secret Single Behaviour". I also praise the universe every day that I don't have to share my bed or my remote with anyone.

Blimey, some people took my words to heart! I do find it boring to think about raising children, that's why I chose not to. That doesn't mean it is boring for the ones who chose to do it. Each to their own.

And actually yes, I have heaps of interests and things I like doing in my free time, apart from having a job I love. For the ones who wanted to know, I am just back from a campervan trip, I love hiking (I live in New Zealand in a town close to 3 national parks), I kayak, I play piano, I go to dancing lessons, I read, I've started building miniature models, I have a great group of friends with which I socialise and share some of the aforementioned hobbies. I've just booked tockets for the Banff Festival... Honestly I cannot imagine NOT to know what to do with my time!

Not every person with no children spends her nights eating chips and watching Netflix. I don't even have Netflix!

Not every person with no children spends her nights eating chips and watching Netflix. I don't even have Netflix!

Even if they (we ) do, there’s nothing wrong with that. Each to their own.

So why would you come on to a thread with an OP specifically asking for advice about her circumstances, when she has teenage dc and you don't, to berate her and others for not being like you, who is child free? Bit tone deaf really..

"especially after a lifetime of caring for children, which I consider the most boring and time-consuming activity in the entire world."

So you don't actually have children

So you imagine child-rearing must be the most boring activity in the 'entire world'. How old are you? 12? 😂. It is, of course, dull at times, but I wonder you decided to comment at all, especially given the OP, and that we're still parenting teens and adult children.

At home : watch whatever I like streaming/tv wise or have the music I like on, mn, play on phone, have a pamper session of some kind, do my nails, do puzzle books, cross stitch, occasionally colouring or knitting

Out of home : eat out, go to the cinema, go shopping, go to museums and art galleries, go to public lectures in subjects that interest me, go to the theatre or comedy shows...

I love being able to suit myself!

These are the things I do alone sometimes I meet up with family or friends to do stuff, sometimes I have a nice long phone chat with someone.

@Bouledeneige I'm also thinking of joining a choir again it's been a while but I really enjoy doing that

@DDIJ is also right you don't NEED to do anything! It's good to have down time too which I do. I have a disability plus Mh issues so I'll alternate busy days with quieter ones. If I don't I can get stressed out and very sore.

I've also just moved and while family are nearby I don't know anyone else around here yet I've only met one neighbour briefly! People tend to keep to themselves these days. My closest/oldest friends are other side of country somewhere too expensive for me to move to now.

Local pub has a quiz night I'd like to try but it's a team thing so dunno how to resolve that. I've not been here long though I'm sure I'll gradually get to know people.

I’M 53 but not feeling ready for crochet, knitting etc.

What an odd attitude to such hobbies! I've been doing stuff like this all my life they can be enjoyed at any age why not do them if you might enjoy them just because you think you're not the "right age" Just because you're physically fit doesn't mean it's not good to do non physical activities too.

@thousandrealms every time I have dinner with friends with children I thank my lucky stars that's not my life . I don't need to imagine it, I am surrounded by friends and family with children, I spend time with them, I actually work with women through pregnancy, birth and the first 6 weeks of their babies' life. And yes, I consider it the most mind-numbingly boring way to spend 18 years of my life, no matter how outraged you seem to be about it. That doesn't take anything fromother women's experience who consider it the most worthwhile, fascinating and fulfilling thing to do with their lives. It's just a different opinion.

I don't know how old YOU are (if you really are that curious, I'll be 46 next month), but at 12 I was already aware that different people had different things they liked and didn't like in life, I'm surprised you find it such a shock.

...and to answer your question of why I would dare to reply to this thread when I haven't even had the wonderful experience of having children myself, I was simply answering the question on the title: "Please can you all tell me what you do with your evenings being single?". I am single. And the OP will be childless soon. So completely relevant. More than the comments from women who spend their evenings doing child-related stuff, whose experience is unrelated to what the OP wants to know. Get over it.

@aurynne

...and to answer your question of why I would dare to reply to this thread when I haven't even had the wonderful experience of having children myself, I was simply answering the question on the title: "Please can you all tell me what you do with your evenings being single?". I am single. And the OP will be childless soon. So completely relevant. More than the comments from women who spend their evenings doing child-related stuff, whose experience is unrelated to what the OP wants to know. Get over it.

@aurynne

Op will never be childless - her daughter will have left home that's all - no longer living together. You need to be mindful of your language - what capacity do you work with with women? because your language is quite insensitive.

A bit convoluted response from you there, but essentially you have no experience of child-rearing, as I said. @aurynne 😀

And I apologise for picking up on your 'most boring in the entire world' comment. Not all 12 year olds, or younger, sound like that!

And as a op says, the OP is not childless (nor, fingers crossed, is she likely to ever be), she's living with teens.

pp not op

"but essentially you have no experience of child-rearing"

So? I don't desire any experience of child-rearing. It is also not necessary to answer to the OP. Is there any reason you feel the need to derail her thread by trying to turn my reply to her into a personal crusade of yours?

No crusade whatsoever. I think you've missed the the point. Read all the posts and posters who have issue with your posts.

"So?" How old are you again 🤣

Old enough to have a great life doing whatever I want while not giving a flying fig who considers me childish on an internet forum😛

😵‍💫

Sitting alone in front of the TV with a glass of wine is a wonderful time, otherwise why are you doing it?

I love doing this.

Whatever makes you feel wonderful, is a wonderful time. There's no rule that says you have to be outside do be spending your time wisely, because it's your time.

On your death bed when you look back at your life, say it's all you did for leisure, and you had a good time, who is going to say 'but you didn't enjoy yourself enough' when you did?

Live for you, no one else.

I go to the gym, run, read, go to dance classes, walk (alone, in a group or with friends), foster rescue dogs, go for lunch or dinner with friends, wild swim, burlesque classes - I honestly never stop. Got divorced about 5 years ago and have been single ever since.

@Notadramallama
That sounds fabulous! I’m slowly slowly building my life back up after separation. Did you find it difficult at first?

Gym (mixture of classes, strength training, spin and yoga) probably five times a week.

I walk loads. Probably 8k a day. There’s lots of tracks and paths where I live.

I love to read and listen to podcasts. Tonight I just had all my living room candles on and was under my blanket with my kindle for most of the evening 😊

I potter around my small garden, usually with a podcast on.

I go to pubs, bars, restaurants, gigs, the cinema, shows and festivals with friends but also alone (which I find really rejuvenating for some reason. I think because there’s no pressure to socialise and you just please yourself)

I’ve got book club once a month.

I sit outside a lot of evenings, bundled up if needs be, and BBQ for myself! I’ve got a mini bbq and sometimes I’ll just put something really simple on it like some salmon and have that with salad and a glass of wine.

It’s a good life 😊 Hope you get loads of ideas here and enjoy your down time!

I’ve got a couple of physical outdoor hobbies too I forgot to mention. Cycling, swimming, some water sports. Usually more for weekends but in the summer time I can go out in the light evenings too 🙂