Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

After 10 years together, last night I packed his bags

111 replies

Banjjoo3 · 13/04/2022 08:30

I finally got my big girl pants on yesterday and decided to let him go. A bit of background, he proposed just before the first lockdown, huge lavish wedding planned but had to be postponed due to covid restrictions. Second date put in place, he was very involved with all the finer details, it was his dream wedding not mine. In Nov last year (4 months before the wedding) he broke down saying it didn’t feel right. He has an extremely stressful job and suffers with severe depressive episodes, this is his 3rd in 10 years. He wanted to move the wedding in order to deal with his past traumas and be in a better headspace. Things have been tense between us as I was hurting from him not being sure about the wedding. We had a big fallout about the puppy we got last year, he wanted to leave. Spent the next couple of weeks going back and forth with him saying he thinks he should leave, to breaking down in hysterics saying he’s just so broken and doesn’t want to go. He’s struggled to be affectionate during this time and yesterday said that he now doesn’t want more children (which we’ve been trying for a second for quite some time now). Yesterday I came to the realisation that he doesn’t want to marry me, he doesn’t want to have more children with me, he doesn’t want to be here at the moment. So I packed him a suitcase and told him he either takes the suitcase and goes for good, or stays because he wants to work through his issues…he took the suitcase. He was messaging me at the early hours of the morning saying that he loves me truly, his heart is breaking, but I can find someone who will not drag me down and give me what I want now. He slept in his car (despite having family and friends all around).

I feel sad this morning and wonder if I’ve done the right thing. We have such a bright future ahead of us and I honestly can’t imagine my life being with anyone else. But I need to know it was the right decision? I didn’t want ti do the pick me dance or try to convince him to stay, surely that’s just kicking the problem further down the line?

Now how to stay strong and move forward. I’ve read a lot you need to let someone go fully to see if they love you, perhaps I need to realise I just wasn’t the one? Do people honestly leave the one?

Feeling sad 😢

OP posts:

Gamezup · 13/04/2022 23:19

He doesn't sound like 'the one' you've lost to me. He sounds gutless. You're well rid of him.

Lineofconcepcion · 13/04/2022 23:29

Your decisiveness is surely better than spending the next 6 months with someone who doesn't appear to value you or know what he wants. Your intuitive suspicions about 'Dakota' will in all probability be right.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 14/04/2022 07:48

I am so totally in awe of you. You're handling this brilliantly!

2DogsOnMySofa · 14/04/2022 07:52

Another man who was expecting his partner to crumble and beg him back. Well done op, you're doing brilliantly and you'll be so much better off without the selfish wankbadger

Original poster

Banjjoo3 · 14/04/2022 08:04

He now states that he just wanted some time to think. He seems to think I’ll be sitting around waiting for him?! The more I ignore and get on with my life, the more he tries to reach out. I can see now, it’s just his games, he wants to be chased….well sorry matey, this lady doesn’t run to anyone!

OP posts:

Juniper68 · 14/04/2022 08:09

Thank goodness for that. Your blinkers sound to be well and truly off. Watch out for him to start getting nasty.

2DogsOnMySofa · 14/04/2022 08:12

He was expecting you to be destroyed by his behaviour, you'd beg him to come back and agree to anything he asked. The reality was he's pissed on his chips and he's seeing his lovely life, that the you have provided for him flash before his eyes. I'll give him until the end of the day to agree to getting married and having more children. (I bet he's kicking himself that he didn't get married because he's not now entitled to half of everything)

Op I think he's right when he said it's time you find someone who can give you the life you want - because it's not him!

Original poster

Banjjoo3 · 14/04/2022 08:13

I’d agreed before that our puppy would not be allowed outside of our kitchen…he’s currently in my bed, under the covers 😂😂

OP posts:

FlipFlops4Me · 14/04/2022 08:14

@Banjjoo3

I’d agreed before that our puppy would not be allowed outside of our kitchen…he’s currently in my bed, under the covers 😂😂

Got to say you'll get a lot more joy and love from the puppy than from the pillock that previously shared your bed!

Purplecatshopaholic · 14/04/2022 08:17

I am sorry you are going through this - been there - but he’s clearly working through the Script ( I was going to say Cherchez La Femme, but she’s clearly already emerging!) You totally got this op. And I am glad to hear about the puppy!

Original poster

Banjjoo3 · 14/04/2022 08:18

Definitely nothing to be in awe of, deep down I feel horrid, but, I will not let him dictate my life.

OP posts:

userxx · 14/04/2022 08:30

The fact it appears you don't give a fuck will have him shitting himself. He's lost the control. It sounds like life would be easier without him.

Original poster

Banjjoo3 · 14/04/2022 08:35

I think you’re right, I honestly don’t give a shit what he’s doing!! He asked me if it was too late to have some time to think, and come back…err yes, it is too late! It’s no longer his decision.

OP posts:

Wiredforsound · 14/04/2022 08:53

You sound kick ass. And you’re definitely doing the right thing. Next, pack up his stuff and leave it at the end of the drive. He already knows he’s shot himself in the foot. He’ll realise he’s shot himself in the nuts as well!

Juniper68 · 14/04/2022 09:04

@Banjjoo3

I’d agreed before that our puppy would not be allowed outside of our kitchen…he’s currently in my bed, under the covers 😂😂

Poor puppy why wasn't he allowed outside of the kitchen?

Original poster

Banjjoo3 · 14/04/2022 09:05

My fiancé didn’t like dog hair in the rest of the home. He was allowed outside of course, just not in the furnished areas

OP posts:

Juniper68 · 14/04/2022 09:08

Why get a dog?

RandomMess · 14/04/2022 09:13

Did you post him wanting a huge lavish wedding etc a few years ago?

IncompleteSenten · 14/04/2022 09:16

He's probably realised he'd really like to continue benefitting from your successful company that gives him a good life.

Thewheelsfalloffthebus · 14/04/2022 09:18

Juniper, did you miss that they live on a farm? Even an dog that isn’t allowed inside at all can have a good life with plenty of interaction and mental stimulation on a farm.

Libertybear80 · 14/04/2022 09:23

He is quite manipulative op. You are well out of it. Dakota. Why try pretend it's a man's name? That's weird!

MMMarmite · 14/04/2022 09:31

If there's an OW then you've definitely done the right thing. If it's mental health, then this might be push he needs to sort it out. It's hard to tell from your post but it sounds like there is potentially a lot of good in the relationship too. Take some space, work out your own boundaries, and what would need to change if you were to continue the relationship, or whether you are done either way.

TerrifiedandWorried · 14/04/2022 09:43

OP I would like to apply to be your friend. You sound amazing.

Juniper68 · 14/04/2022 09:43

@Thewheelsfalloffthebus

Juniper, did you miss that they live on a farm? Even an dog that isn’t allowed inside at all can have a good life with plenty of interaction and mental stimulation on a farm.

I don't like the idea of it. I think working dogs should even be able to have some comfort.

billy1966 · 14/04/2022 10:41

I think you have just realised that you have been given the run around by a game playing waster.

Do not low him back.

Take a long hard look at him.

He sounds like a drama queen.

They make shit husbands.

You sound far too good for him.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5