I was going to post about this a little while ago, but convinced myself to ‘get over it’. However, I encountered another hurtful rejection last night, so, here am I, looking for opinions!
DH and I have been together for 7 and a half years, 3 DC’s.
Our sex life has never been wild. We go through phases of having it fairly regularly, to lulls where I can’t remember the last time we had it. I’d say we average anywhere between 1-4 times a month.
DH - like most men, I assume - likes getting bj’s and up until the last six months, has never once refused one when I’ve offered. However, since December last year I’ve tried giving him a bj on 4 separate occasions, and each time I’ve been rejected. Two of those times, he physically pushed my face away while I was under the duvet claiming the next day that he ‘didn’t realise he’d done that’ 🤔
Last night, he was sat playing a game and I thought ‘it’s been a few weeks since we’ve had sex, it’s been a month or so since I last tried offering a bj, he’s been all over me like a rash today, let’s make the evening a bit more exciting’. I got down in front of him and tried to do undo his jeans, and his face visibly changed from content to annoyed and huffy. I tried to clearly show him for another few seconds what I was about to do, and was met with a rather forceful “what are you doing!?! I’m JUST about to go to bed!!”. He then immediately got up, turned the tv off and went straight to bed leaving me there feeling like an absolute idiot. I’d like to point out, that before I attempted to give him a bj, he’d not mentioned being tired or wanting to go bed, he was sat there quite happily.
I struggle a lot with self confidence and sexual rejections do hurt me. My ex before DH, used to refuse sex all the time, only to sit in bed next to me and watch porn instead once I’d fallen asleep. DH knows about what my ex used to do, and he’s even said to me in the past ‘your ex was an idiot. How could he ever reject you? You wouldn’t ever catch me doing that. In fact, you could wake me up in the middle of the night for sex and I’d be happy!’.
How has he gone from having the mentality that I could physically wake him up and offer sex or foreplay and he’d jump at it, to him rejecting every single bj offer over the last 5 months?
It’s not just the rejection that upsets me, but the way in which I’m rejected. There’s no ‘I’m sorry babe, I’m just feeling really tired this evening. We can have some fun tomorrow!’, instead I’m met with a pissy attitude or physically being pushed away, then watching him turn his back on me and rolling away in bed.
He’s big on physical touch - constantly hugging me, touching my bum, ‘admiring’ my body when I’m getting changed, he always wants kisses etc so I know it’s not a case of him having completely gone off of me, but I don’t know what’s going on. All I know is that if I keep being rejected, I’m going to end up stopping initiating sex and foreplay entirely because the embarrassment, confusion and hurt is horrible!
Opinions and insights needed! Thank you.