To text or not to text?

[StringBeans0002]

Hi everyone,
Long time lurker here…

So I few summers ago (2018) a few of my family members and I were visiting my aunt and uncle in North America. My Aunt arranged for me to go out with her sons friend and his friends for the evening!

She gave me his number and we arranged it and he took me out with a group of his friends.

Really lovely guy, slightly shy and nervous though.

Anyway, I thought we were going home two days later, so when he asked me to do something before I went home I said yes…he was very nervous asking! However, I got flight details mixed up, it was actually the next day I was going home, so couldn’t meet up with him.

He said he had been really looking forward to seeing me again, and we could definitely do something next time I was over there. ( we go over quite a lot and he seemed pleased when I told him this)

The following summer some of my family went, I couldn’t go! However he messaged me asking to take me out and said he thought I was there…I told him no I wasn’t.

For relevance he doesn’t have Instagram, doesn’t use Facebook anymore and I’ve noticed sometimes doesn’t use WhatsApp for days on end…so not much of a social media/phone person….so wasn’t much chat after I went home from my trip in 2018 but he is very chatty in person!

Anyway, he did tell me to let him know when I would be back in his city.

I actually have a visa to go live there, (very common for UK people to go live there on visas’) and I have been contacted by a few employers on LinkedIn about jobs there, so I have been interviewing this week.

I’ll be moving there in a few months! Should I let him know?

He seemed like a real old school gent/really lovely guy! But slightly shy/not that confident…some of his friends were a tad creepy and he wasn’t like that at all!

So do I reach out or not?’ …he did tell me to tell him when I’m back over, so the ball is in my court!

Sorry for the long winded post but I’m useless at things like this!!

Thanks if you have made it this far…

Yes, nothing to lose!

Thanks 😊 that’s true! I just lack confidence and I am a little out of practice!

Bump 😊 lol

Have I missed some vital detail? Why ever would you not? Go ahead!

Lol no,

I just lack confidence I think! You are right…I need to just go ahead, I’m an overthinker

Obviously you should !!

Thanks 😊 can’t believe I wrote a thread about such a non-event…but yup….I’m embarrassingly out of practice 🙈

You say that he's shy and nervous, but it seems like you are at least as much the same! Not that there's anything wrong with that. He sounds nice from what little you know, and you're only going to find out for sure by letting him know that you're back on the continent and would like to say hello. What people seem to universally regret in life are the missed opportunities, not the seized opportunities that didn't turn out to be as good as we'd thought.

I mean it's possible that he might have met someone in the meantime. So you need to be prepared for that. But at least then you have an answer instead of always wondering and posting on Mumsnet in the middle of the night

Text!

Definitely! He could be dating someone else now but he may still be available .Either way it will make him feel good to know that he wasn't forgotten by you. And if it does work out for you both all the better! Good luck on your new adventure.

And it sounds like he's sensitive and gentle, so even if circumstances aren't right for him now he'd let you know kindly?

@AuntyBumBum and @Courtjobby - I think he is single, that’s the impression my aunt gets from his mother (but obv she hasn’t asked outright as I wouldn’t want her to!)

And you are very right, I guess we do regret chances we don’t take in life!!

And yep I am quite nervous, I’ve been out of practice and really need to get the big girl pants on! I’m overthinking even simple things like this at the moment lol

Of course you should. Regardless of whether it's anything, it would be nice to know someone.

Youre emigrating. So much to do, considee and prioritise. A random bloke and romance isnt on my list. I don't think you're bothered about him. You're scared, and he's a possible source of comfort and it's natural (yes I've emigrated) to want a protector time figure there in the background. Natural but not a good idea.

I'm horrified by the teen girl like responses on here....this is a time to focus on your career, the huge bureaucratic, emotional and social upheaval and truly owning your independence.

@Bagpusssays -

Thanks for your message. It is food for thought.

I know there is a lot to get used to with emigrating and it’s a chance for me to be truly independent.

BUT, I’m not opposed to the idea of romance/dating. I’ve been single for a long time and don’t want to be anymore! Everyone I know is in a relationship…

I thought he was a lovely guy so I thought I would maybe see if there was something there.

Do you think emigrating somewhere new is a bad time to date?

Get on that keypad and text him.
Just casually like. You're gonna be there such n such date. You don't have to get him too excited 😃
keep us posted
Good luck 🤞

I meant to add thank you for the well wishes @Courtjobby

And thanks @Monty27 , though maybe I’m being a little silly, and sound like I’m fawning over this guy ‘will I text him or not’ etc etc 🤪

Does anyone else think this is too ‘teen girl like’ , before I go ahead and text? Haha

I think you'd be crazy not to.

And you don't have to jump straight in to dating. You could frame it as needing a friend, someone to show you round while you are new to the area and see how it progresses. That way there is no pressure but you have potentially made a friend even if it isn't romantic.

Thank you!

@Monr0e …should I say something along the lines of ‘just thought I would let you know’ etc

God, I am embarrassingly out of practice!!

You don't have to ask him on a date just give him the date you'll be there and say it would be great to catch up and you could show me around .
I can't believe you haven't done it yet.
He'll probably do a happy dance when he gets it 💕

@Monty27 - I know, I truly am embarrassing! I’m just so out of practice…

I thought saying it was great to catch up would be a bit forward …but maybe not haha!

I need to just press send!

I would definitely send him a message. Of course you don't know if he is seeing anyone but you could say it would be good to catch up with him and his friends. Best of luck!

Thanks for the well wishes @HollowTalk . I don’t think I could say it would be great to see him and his mates! One of them is a bit creepy and slapped my bum lol 😡…so yea would just have to be it would be great to meet up with him!

Text him. If he's American it won't seem odd to him at all. He clearly likes you.

If it makes you too nervous PM me his number and I'll text him for you. 😁