To text or not to text?

[StringBeans0002]

Hi everyone,
Long time lurker here…

So I few summers ago (2018) a few of my family members and I were visiting my aunt and uncle in North America. My Aunt arranged for me to go out with her sons friend and his friends for the evening!

She gave me his number and we arranged it and he took me out with a group of his friends.

Really lovely guy, slightly shy and nervous though.

Anyway, I thought we were going home two days later, so when he asked me to do something before I went home I said yes…he was very nervous asking! However, I got flight details mixed up, it was actually the next day I was going home, so couldn’t meet up with him.

He said he had been really looking forward to seeing me again, and we could definitely do something next time I was over there. ( we go over quite a lot and he seemed pleased when I told him this)

The following summer some of my family went, I couldn’t go! However he messaged me asking to take me out and said he thought I was there…I told him no I wasn’t.

For relevance he doesn’t have Instagram, doesn’t use Facebook anymore and I’ve noticed sometimes doesn’t use WhatsApp for days on end…so not much of a social media/phone person….so wasn’t much chat after I went home from my trip in 2018 but he is very chatty in person!

Anyway, he did tell me to let him know when I would be back in his city.

I actually have a visa to go live there, (very common for UK people to go live there on visas’) and I have been contacted by a few employers on LinkedIn about jobs there, so I have been interviewing this week.

I’ll be moving there in a few months! Should I let him know?

He seemed like a real old school gent/really lovely guy! But slightly shy/not that confident…some of his friends were a tad creepy and he wasn’t like that at all!

So do I reach out or not?’ …he did tell me to tell him when I’m back over, so the ball is in my court!

Sorry for the long winded post but I’m useless at things like this!!

Thanks if you have made it this far…

I’d honestly concentrate on emigrating and moving over there and then see if he wants to meet up and take it from there.

He might not be single but might not know how to say this to you. He also might not do chit chat and he might also think on your interactions before, is she actually coming over here or not? Does she like me?

For what it’s worth one of my close friends is American and I’ve spent a bit of time over there and love the more forward approach eg if a guy likes you he’ll say it, especially just out and about, in a bar etc. My ex fiancé years ago was Canadian and their attitude is similar.

@Gonnagetgoing - yes that’s a good idea…emigrating is stressful enough on it’s own I guess.

Yea he is Canadian and very chatty/friendly in person…very, very gentleman like…. But there was definitely a nervousness/shyness to him also. We went out as a group, then he asked me to do something just us, and he was sort of stuttering a bit/couldn’t get the words out/voice a bit nervous/shaky…

So he in particular as a Canadian wasn’t overly forward, but his friends were. A few of his friends were very complimentary about how I looked and said it right to my face…and then one of them was an ass slapper 😕

So yea, maybe not suitable for me if I’m always second guessing/over analysing.

@StringBeans0002 - he seems like a nice young man, just shy and nervous!

I’ve noticed with my ex fiancé and his friends that they seemed to be more gentlemanly towards women compared eg to American men.

I’d honestly just emigrate, have fun, get to know people. For me, I’m not sure i’d have the patience to date a man who stutters a lot, is very nervous etc but you might be fine with that!

Second guessing or over analysing - we’ve all done that, I’ve done it! If you think you do do that and want to change then work on it.

Best of luck with Canada!

For what it’s worth one of my close friends is American and I’ve spent a bit of time over there and love the more forward approach eg if a guy likes you he’ll say it, especially just out and about, in a bar etc. My ex fiancé years ago was Canadian and their attitude is similar.

I'm an American and I'd say this is true, but I have no experience of how men in the UK do the mating dance. I expect that flirtation is similar but the verbal part is cultural. Some men here are just shy or lack confidence, same as anywhere else.

You dont really need to keep up back and forth banter. Just say you might reach out if have some questions and look forward to meeting up again someday.

@MissConductUS - he definitely seemed shy so that’s not good if Americans usually aren’t like that (though he is Canadian) …and could just be his personality.

I think now in the UK men rely more on dating apps so can sometimes make a bit less of an effort in bars etc.

@Midlifemusings - yes no point in back and forth. I think I’ll either not reply or just say see you when I get there at some point.

@Gonnagetgoing - thank you for the well wishes.

I also intend on tackling the dating apps over in canadaand trying them again.

Although like I said, the men on there are expects at pretending to want a relationship it would seem…

That problem is probably the same the world over 🤦‍♀️😬

@Didimum

My advice is to keep busy and focus on yourself. Have your standards and boundaries and cut someone loose when they don’t meet them.

Honestly print this out and stick it everywhere for every situation.

Advice to live by.

Deffo sounds advice to live by.

But if anyone has advice on how to sniff out f**k boys, then please do share lol

And @Monty27…..I didn’t let you down!!

But I think I’ll probably leave on read until I get there as I am already overthinking!

But at least he came back very quickly and said he is looking forward to catching up!

OP you haven't so far but you need to acknowledge his reply and just say I'll be in touch when I've settled in.

@Monty27 - I wasnt sure whether to or not.

I feel if I do that it’s nothing for him to reply to, so he won’t reply and I’ll be left on read, so I can’t exactly text again and say I’m over there!

Arghh massive overthinking!

@StringBeans0002

Hi everyone, Long time lurker here…

So I few summers ago (2018) a few of my family members and I were visiting my aunt and uncle in North America. My Aunt arranged for me to go out with her sons friend and his friends for the evening!

She gave me his number and we arranged it and he took me out with a group of his friends.

Really lovely guy, slightly shy and nervous though.

Anyway, I thought we were going home two days later, so when he asked me to do something before I went home I said yes…he was very nervous asking! However, I got flight details mixed up, it was actually the next day I was going home, so couldn’t meet up with him.

He said he had been really looking forward to seeing me again, and we could definitely do something next time I was over there. ( we go over quite a lot and he seemed pleased when I told him this)

The following summer some of my family went, I couldn’t go! However he messaged me asking to take me out and said he thought I was there…I told him no I wasn’t.

For relevance he doesn’t have Instagram, doesn’t use Facebook anymore and I’ve noticed sometimes doesn’t use WhatsApp for days on end…so not much of a social media/phone person….so wasn’t much chat after I went home from my trip in 2018 but he is very chatty in person!

Anyway, he did tell me to let him know when I would be back in his city.

I actually have a visa to go live there, (very common for UK people to go live there on visas’) and I have been contacted by a few employers on LinkedIn about jobs there, so I have been interviewing this week.

I’ll be moving there in a few months! Should I let him know?

He seemed like a real old school gent/really lovely guy! But slightly shy/not that confident…some of his friends were a tad creepy and he wasn’t like that at all!

So do I reach out or not?’ …he did tell me to tell him when I’m back over, so the ball is in my court!

Sorry for the long winded post but I’m useless at things like this!!

Thanks if you have made it this far…

All the best, but bottom line, no trying = certainly, no result.

@Hawkins001 - yes that’s very true! I did reach out to him in the End to tell him I would be moving there.

You both sound lovely. Go for it OP! Faint heart never won fair gentleman!

[quote StringBeans0002]@Hawkins001 - yes that’s very true! I did reach out to him in the End to tell him I would be moving there.[/quote]
Most excellent, all the best and positivity

@Lalliella

@Hawkins001

Thank you both. However I didn’t reply to his latest message…as I feel it then leaves things open for me to tell him when I actually arrive there!

Hell yeah !

@Thisisworsethananticpated -lol….I did message him, said I’m moving and would be good to catch up…

He messaged back very quickly to say great, looking forward to catching up, is it a work visa.

Then I said yes, got interviews etc.

Then he said about labour shortage over there, I’ll get loads of offers etc..

I said I don’t want to lowball myself though with salary.

Then he responded with good advice and information on salaries and what to do to get more money etc…

I haven’t responded , as I feel it leaves me open to message again when I actually arrive there/am settled in.

You didn't want to be left on read, why leave him on read.

Maybe, thank him for the sound advice and that you will message him nearer the time of moving/when you have moved.

Closes the conversation without leaving him on read.

@Electriq - yes that’s very true. I don’t like to be left on read at all. I felt it would just give me a few more options in terms of contacting him when I’m over there!

It does, but I think a nice closing message like - Thanks for the advice, I'll message you when I'm over and we can arrange a catch up, is nicer than leaving on read.

I'm not fussed if I'm left on read because I leave people on read all the time ha! But some do.

I agree:

"see you in real life soon"
"I'll text when I'm settled"
"I'll get in touch when the jet lag wears off"

Something light and conversation-ending.

@MrsTerryPratchett - yes those are good short and sweet responses…

But as they are conversation ending, he won’t reply.

Then I’ll freak and not want to message when I actually get there.

Arghh I’m a nightmare haha

Arghh I’m a nightmare haha

Yes, quite so.

What's the approximate timeframe for you to get over there?