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Original poster

At this age would you carry on with pregnancy?

97 replies

Uncannyie · 03/04/2022 23:55

Wanted a family my whole life. I’m nearly 35 and found out I’m pregnant after seeing a man for only a year. I never wanted to do it alone but when I met this man I had already decided if kids didn’t happen with him then I’d be pretty much at the point of ivf alone.

He’s not responded brilliantly to the news, despite having told me from day one he very much wanted kids at some point. He currently has none. His response has actually made me feel defensive in that I can’t believe I’ve been with someone who is a fully fledged grown up, yet this is his reaction, after having told me for over a year how great he thought having kids would be.

It wasn’t planned, I’m in shock and don’t know what to do. I didn’t want anything less than a healthy relationship, home and family combined. So far he’s been totally panic striken about it all and it’s making me want to run away from him and be alone. At nearly 35 I don’t want to not carry on.

OP posts:
RoundGlass · 03/04/2022 23:58

Keep it. But understand you will be doing it alone.

Chestnutpony · 04/04/2022 00:00

At 35, if you were going to go IVF anyway, I would keep it. Yes, you hear stories about women getting pregnant in their 40s but there are a lot of people who have trouble.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/04/2022 00:00

I'm 35 and want children.

I would absolutely keep the baby but plan to be a single parent.

I know it's not the circumstances you'd have chosen but congratulations Thanks

Stellamar · 04/04/2022 00:02

Absolutely, I would keep the baby.

Peachtoiletpaper · 04/04/2022 00:02

I'm the same age, want a family and have just split up.from someone who I thought might be the right bloke at last. If I found out I was pregnant I think I'd carry on with it, personally. I would be asking could I raise a baby myself reasonably comfortably, and also is your relationship with this man alright other than him not reacting well, I.e. would you regret being tied to him for any reason? If no real concerns about either, I would probably keep the pregnancy.

In what way did he not respond brilliantly? Is there any way he might come round and embrace this?

user1480097724 · 04/04/2022 00:02

Congratulations Flowers. I would 100% go ahead. If he chooses to run away, that's a terrible loss to him. I hope you have a safe and healthy pregnancy.

Neverreturntoathread · 04/04/2022 00:03

Keep it. My eggs worked in my early thirties but I couldn’t get pregnant after 35, even with ivf. Every woman I know in her late thirties wasn’t able to have as many children as she wanted. This may be your last shot and if you terminate and are unable to have another - well I don’t know how you would get over that.

Sorry your bf is being a dick ☹️

BookShark · 04/04/2022 00:03

Agreed with PPs. If it's something you want, go for it, but know you'll be on your own. Which may be absolutely fine, but go into it with eyes open and don't expect anything else.

Moretodo · 04/04/2022 00:04

Sorry he is not supportive.

You say you want nothing less than full family life, and also you don't want to end the pregnancy, is that right?

Do you live together?

Contact bpas or similar quick and speak to a counsellor/advisor there.
Listen to yourself, make the decision that's right for you.
Get away from him for a bit so you can clear your head?

In amswer to your OP, I think I would continue the pregnancy with or without him.

Grammarmum · 04/04/2022 00:07

Definitely keep your little bean …work as a team together! My daughter is doing it alone and is absolutely loving every second of being a Mummy .Financially it might be a struggle but you and your teammate will survive and flourish. Do you have a supportive family?

theschitt · 04/04/2022 00:35

Or course keep it, and congratulations 🎉

Geppili · 04/04/2022 02:39

Keep and cherish your beautiful baby! Congratulations.

alexdgr8 · 04/04/2022 03:01

ditto.
keep the child; not the man.
it'll be ok.
good luck.

Suzi888 · 04/04/2022 03:17

I’d keep the baby and let the man-child go. Your body, your choice.

altmember · 04/04/2022 03:20

He's in shock just the same as you are. Maybe he'll come round to it (quickly hopefully) and everything will work out fine, or maybe he won't. Don't write him off on the basis of a bunch of randomers on the internet who've never met the bloke and are just judging him from a couple of sentences that you've posted.

Monty27 · 04/04/2022 03:21

You know you want this and you know you can do this. Leave the man child out of it if necessary. And congratulations 💐💐

HandlebarLadyTash · 04/04/2022 03:26

Do you want a child?
Can you afford a child? Could you cope if the child has additional needs? Do you have other support? What if it is twins?
In your situation I would ask myself questions like this. I know the broody / hormones are strong but is there a possibility you are going to put yourself into poverty, relying on the state just existing rather than living.

Coyoacan · 04/04/2022 03:29

Keep it. The older you, the less energy you'll have for the toddler years

jessyjo2 · 04/04/2022 03:30

Definitely keep your baby. Give your child an opportunity to be loved and cared for.

navydear · 04/04/2022 03:37

Keep this baby, you can do this alone. You are just scared, it's perfectly normal. I've been there. From what you have told us, I really feel it will be your biggest regret if you don't keep this baby. You are just doubting your self capabilities. Show yourself just how strong you can be, you can do this.

Original poster
Uncannyie · 04/04/2022 03:52

Thank you.

I can’t sleep for worrying. I also feel worried about money, I have a decent job and a small home and family has some spare money but my job is not as secure as it once was. I would dread childcare costs and could only just afford them now, if my job went wrong then I don’t know what I would do in that regard.

I’ve wanted a family all my life. I gave things a go with this man because I had fallen in love, I wanted a future with him. But he’s very very very difficult with change in general, even moving in together was hugely stressful for him, though when we did it, he’s said since he’s very happy. I absolutely don’t have it in me to give him that level of patience and support about this, I need him there for me and I just don’t have the energy to be calming him down or helping him with a change like this.

It’s all feeling too much but realistically I know if I didn’t go ahead, I’d be single, online dating, hoping again to meet someone quickly with a hope to have a family. I’d probably find it but the process is draining and as I say, I thought this man was a good man, yet he’s retreated and gone silent rather than fought for us to work.

OP posts:
Chestnutpony · 04/04/2022 04:50

If you weren't pregnant and were considering IVF on your own, I would tell you to start now. You don't have time to go looking for another relationship, meet someone, get to know them etc.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 04/04/2022 05:44

35 is not old. Why wouldn’t you carry On if you want the baby?

alexdgr8 · 04/04/2022 05:52

i think you are being dragged down by this man's negativity, esp as he had led you to believe that he wanted children too.
you know what you want.
and you can do it.
alone if need be.
all the best.

BorderlineHappy · 04/04/2022 06:07

I would, especially if IVF was something that you would have done.

There's never a perfect time for a baby.
Something always comes up.
Congratulations and good luck.