NC & I need to write this without being outted.
Friends for 20 years. Over the years the friendship has evolved and has finally reached the state it is now: namely a hell of a lot of asks and favours of me from her. This has come between me and DH who has previously said there are 3 of us in the marriage and says she is a user. Friend is cheeky beyond all limits with her asks and favours; these have grown over the years and are all for her own needs. She is my only close friend. Without her I would have no else to go out with, no one else for girlie nights in and out etc. only through her am I part of a wider group of girls. She can demand a lot of my time, due to her own home set up.
On the other hand, friend is a laugh and we have a great time together and with our group. This can be more on her terms (i.e. where she wants to go etc) but I usually like most of the places she wants to go to. I wouldn't want to not be friends as we have a good time when out. I guess the question I am asking is how do I manage the asks/requests/favours but still be friends ? she doesn't seem to ask other people the same of what she asks me.
She has put me in some really difficult positions with regards to requests/favours/asks of me; at times, my DH has been fuming with me over the amount I do for her and this has on occasions caused friction in our marriage.
I cannot sustain what she asks of me and the awkward positions she unknowingly puts me in (by admitting to her they are awkward positions, it would mean telling her that my DH actually detests her, as a result of her selfishness (his words)).
She is unaware of how awkward she makes things for me. She is unaware of the stress she puts me under. She is unaware of the amount of my time she demands and how much pressure this puts me under. She is unaware of anyone, except herself.
Any advice (other than ditch her) ?