Why is it that there are plenty of beautiful women with great personalities but so few good-looking men who aren't jerks?

[MECC]

Obviously, attractiveness is subjective, but there are plenty of people we can all agree are conventionally attractive (even if we are not personally attracted to them). I have always noticed that there are plenty of conventionally attractive women who are intelligent, educated, sensitive, and kind but men who are conventionally attractive are almost unanimously obnoxious jerks. No man with a six-pack or wide chest is reading in his spare time!

I think it is because women face a lot of pressure to conform to appearances, even if they have succeeded in other areas. As for men, they don't need to look a certain way to be taken seriously if they already have accomplishments.

This is why plenty of men who go to the gym do so to impress women, but virtually no woman does so to impress men. Men want to be noticed by women but no woman wants men to notice her bum or cleavage. In fact, it disgusts them to think that men are checking them out. I think it is just that women face so much in terms of beauty pressure they feel they do have to look a certain way. In turn, women never feel as if they look good enough. How often have you heard a woman express pride in her appearance? Even the most fit and beautiful 25 y/o thinks she looks mediocre at best. Conventionally attractive men on the other hand, can't stop bragging about their looks.

Does anybody else have thoughts on this?

Why are there lots of conventionally attractive men who are into fitness, personal development, have a wide variety of interests yet women are all narcissistic loons only interested in social media.

This is an equally stupid statement.

This is such a weird post. Why write such stupid generalising statements which quite clearly aren’t true?

@EssexLioness

This is such a weird post. Why write such stupid generalising statements which quite clearly aren’t true?

What part do you think is untrue?

I should have included some studies.(www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna47961620)
This next study shows women do not want to date muscular men in spite of finding them attractive because they know such men are jerks: journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167207303022

As for men trying to attract women, think of it this way; If I were to convince a bunch of men that wearing green would attract women, they would all start wearing green. If I were to convince a bunch of women that wearing green would attract men, they would throw out all of their green clothes.

As for women never thinking they are attractive, I have never heard a woman say anything about her own body that was not self-deprecating. Even Michelle Keegan does not think she is attractive: www.thesun.ie/fabulous/8092287/science-behind-why-michelle-keegan-sexiest-celeb-perfect-pout-dewy-skin-gym-honed-body/

@Lpc3

Why are there lots of conventionally attractive men who are into fitness, personal development, have a wide variety of interests yet women are all narcissistic loons only interested in social media.

This is an equally stupid statement.

I should have included some studies.(www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna47961620) This next study shows women do not want to date muscular men in spite of finding them attractive because they know such men are jerks: journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167207303022

Online influence has skewed both male and female perceptions of what they themselves need to look like and act to be socially successful and desirable. And also what they expect a partner to look, act like to be desirable.

Reality is usually very disappointing verses the unrealistic perceptions online.

It's insanity.

Some men have so over done the leg muscle building in the gym they can't walk properly!

I know lots of people of either sex who are both good looking and nice. I also know people of both sexes who are good looking and not very nice. And less attractive people who are nice and who are not nice. I’m not sure what your sample is.

I know I’m pretty hot and I refuse to be self deprecating, so I’ll be the first to bounce your theory. I suspect many women don’t say it much not because they don’t think it but because often it’s other women who are quick to knock them down for being too boastful: there’s a thread running about women and men being friends where several posters have - actually quite modestly - acknowledged that they know they’re good looking and have been piled on by other posters jeering and calling them arrogant and vain.

No man with a six-pack or wide chest is reading in his spare time!

I should introduce you to my brother and his husband, who are both exactly this.

Generalisations help no one.

Good looking men are very, very rare.
Men aren’t conditioned to take good care of themselves.

Men who go to the gym try to impress other men.
Everything me d is to get valitadatio from other men (see men having to have good looking enough woman to show of to men).

Society doesn’t ask anything from men, everyone panders to them.

I know loads of guys who are good looking and have good personalities. They aren’t in the limelight though. I think the limelight attracts particular types of people to idolise and generally they have more dominant characteristics (alpha male) in men and more submissive demur traits in women.

I know a few nice looking men and women who are both nice and horrible in equal measure.

Last time I properly checked, a couple of years ago, I was with a friend at her new flat, it had communal gardens and we were just doing relaxed drinks in them. Some men (one had recently moved in) asked us to join them inside, which we did. They were younger than us but not hugely. There was a very good looking man there - always one - but he seemed really down to earth, embarrassed about where he came from (nearby and not the nicest part of town) but said he didn't like going into local area bars (which had very glam girls there). I could kick myself now as I was a bit unconfident so we spent time with them and then I literally ran away and didn't get his number. It was one of those occasions where he (and his friends) were talking normally and he seemed really relaxed. I think he got lots of attention from very pretty glam girls but he seemed like he wasn't into that.

I also know a male model - brother's friend from when they worked together, lovely man, he asked me out but I couldn't face it - he's now got older, less modelling work and works part time in a factory but the modelling was just his day job. When he was discovered he couldn't believe it - from Bristol and is very down to earth!

I equally know another male model (brother's friend) who runs a charitable business but he's the biggest tart around and quite cocky with it too. Knows he's goodlooking and plays on it. I like the idea of his charity but I know he does this to partly self-publicise himself and the 'look at what a great thing I'm doing for these unfortunates'.

@ComtesseDeSpair

I know lots of people of either sex who are both good looking and nice. I also know people of both sexes who are good looking and not very nice. And less attractive people who are nice and who are not nice. I’m not sure what your sample is.

I know I’m pretty hot and I refuse to be self deprecating, so I’ll be the first to bounce your theory. I suspect many women don’t say it much not because they don’t think it but because often it’s other women who are quick to knock them down for being too boastful: there’s a thread running about women and men being friends where several posters have - actually quite modestly - acknowledged that they know they’re good looking and have been piled on by other posters jeering and calling them arrogant and vain.

@ComtesseDeSpair - when I was younger I was hot - along with my best friend - we were known as the glam girls! But I wasn't always hot (confidence issues) and I had self doubt about this especially in my teens.

Whereas another best friend who was stunningly beautiful and dated lots of good looking men plus my brother - she knows and knew she was attractive but she's aged badly!

Some of the worst men I have met in my life (and been involved with, for my sins) were not conventionally attractive, quite the opposite. In fact, them not being conventionally attractive was a factor in why they were awful people: they were very bitter about not having "good looks privilege" or whatnot, and the outlet for their bitterness was cruelty towards women. So the OP statement is definitely not true to my experience.

“No man with a six-pack or wide chest is reading in his spare time!”

Errrr what? My husband is incredibly handsome, has a six-pack, a Masters degree and reads in his spare time. Of course he’s not the only one. Good looking people of any sex can be well-read, educated and interesting.

This has always been the most fascinating an aspect of sociology for me.

My understanding is that the difference you described is fundamentally caused by the fact women have babies. Women inevitably take a hit on earning ability (possibly earning potential) when we have babies. We depend on our partner, at least for a short while, for shelter protection food etc. men do not suffer from the same. *Only women who choose to never have children are free from this constraint, but suffer in retirement from loneliness and possibly financial hardship like all childless people.

Ideally women prefer beautiful and rich men who has high social status either from his profession or his contribution to society (Red cross doctors, international charity president, scientist etc). Women value ability, integrity, morals, social status over beauty. And money of course. Some women choose money over looks, while other choose ability over looks. But overall beauty is the first thing to be sacrificed, making it the least important of the desirable aspect when searching for a mate (husband, partner or father of the children) to settle down with.

Men, on the other hand, do not have to contemplate the inevitable hit in earning potential from child bearing years. Out of all the desirable attributes of a potential mate, Men value beauty above all else. It’s sad but it’s true. Men prefer beauty over great personality, successful career, fantastically inquisitive mind.

Consequently, a fantastically successful woman is not considered “good” unless she is also physically attractive. A male version of her do not have to be physically attractive to find quality mates.

As for why beautiful men are jerks, i think that’s because beauty is all they have got. Bear in mind had they been able to achieve success in other fields (finance, science, charity, medicine etc) they would most definitely concentrate their effort in those more rewarding sectors with longevity than focusing on the fleeting beauty.
Such beautiful but rude men are doing what they can to attractive mates before their beauty fades and they will have nothing left. Keeping body fat percentage low enough to have visible six pack takes tremendous time and discipline, it is highly plausible they aren’t reading because they don’t have the time to read.

I’ve met few ‘very ‘ good looking guys who didn’t turn into tossers in long term relationships , not always that way at the beginning and are still ok guys as friends— however let’s be honest here how many times in TAke a Break dies some women talk about her partner as ‘met this exceptionally gorgeous man’ and they show a pic of them together and he’s some very very ordinary looking, fat , badly dressed guy you would never look twice at— si it’s an extremely subjective thing

No man with a six-pack or wide chest is reading in his spare time!

Thanks for that vote of confidence, so maybe my degree was a waste of time after all, perhaps I’m nothing more than a knuckle-dragging cave dweller.

• By money I mean the earning ability. A medical consultant making £250k a year is infinitely more attractive than a 100 million lottery winner without earning potential in terms of attractiveness.

I haven’t noticed that. What I’ve noticed is that I like far more women than men - because so many men are sexist fools. I’m sure some women can be sexist fools too, but apparently in much smaller numbers. So, from my perspective, more men than women are jerks regardless of what they look like.

The generalisations are overwhelming but here's my leading contender for "WTAF" prize today.

"My understanding is that the difference you described is fundamentally caused by the fact women have babies. Women inevitably take a hit on earning ability (possibly earning potential) when we have babies. We depend on our partner, at least for a short while, for shelter protection food etc. men do not suffer from the same. *Only women who choose to never have children are free from this constraint, but suffer in retirement from loneliness and possibly financial hardship like all childless people. "

@roastedsaltedpeanut

* By money I mean the earning ability. A medical consultant making £250k a year is infinitely more attractive than a 100 million lottery winner without earning potential in terms of attractiveness.

Also this..

£100million in the bank is way more attractive than £250k a year dependent on career.

Because men who are attractive usually have lots of women hanging off them, so they develop big egos.

Men are motivated by sex and want to spread the seed as far as possible. Unattractive men have the same instinct, but don't don't get the same opportunity, so are more grateful for the woman in their life.

What I've noticed is that women who date very attractive men often end up feeling insecure and a bit desperate. They put up with poor behaviour to make him stay, and this makes the behaviour worse.

Because men who are attractive usually have lots of women hanging off them, so they develop big egos

Men are motivated by sex

This, at least at a primal level. Not all fit, good-looking men of course, as otherwise Henry Cavill wouldn’t exist. But it’s true, especially if your young - it’s spoilt kid syndrome.

Also the reason why do many men are stoic/aren’t open with their emotions - they learn from society this is what women find attractive. Even if it’s more a Mr Darcy type of “allowed to be emotional - but I’m the only woman who can unlock this” thing, the point is he has to appear unemotional in the first place to be “unlocked”.

I rarely find a man who I think is super attractive, but that is just me.
I've only dated one guy who was unattractive. Worst abuser and made me most insecure.
The 2 super attractive guys I married, never made me feel insecure.

The most jerk behaviour comes from the incel types. Unattractive with a big chip on their shoulder.

I can't imagine dating anyone around my age as they're so gross. Haven't taken care of themselves.