Why is it that there are plenty of beautiful women with great personalities but so few good-looking men who aren't jerks?

[MECC]

Obviously, attractiveness is subjective, but there are plenty of people we can all agree are conventionally attractive (even if we are not personally attracted to them). I have always noticed that there are plenty of conventionally attractive women who are intelligent, educated, sensitive, and kind but men who are conventionally attractive are almost unanimously obnoxious jerks. No man with a six-pack or wide chest is reading in his spare time!

I think it is because women face a lot of pressure to conform to appearances, even if they have succeeded in other areas. As for men, they don't need to look a certain way to be taken seriously if they already have accomplishments.

This is why plenty of men who go to the gym do so to impress women, but virtually no woman does so to impress men. Men want to be noticed by women but no woman wants men to notice her bum or cleavage. In fact, it disgusts them to think that men are checking them out. I think it is just that women face so much in terms of beauty pressure they feel they do have to look a certain way. In turn, women never feel as if they look good enough. How often have you heard a woman express pride in her appearance? Even the most fit and beautiful 25 y/o thinks she looks mediocre at best. Conventionally attractive men on the other hand, can't stop bragging about their looks.

Does anybody else have thoughts on this?

I can't imagine dating anyone around my age as they're so gross. Haven't taken care of themselves.

I have the same issues, lots of overweight women in my age group ( but even more men, so I have nothing to shout about really)

I think that social media had destroyed confidence, relationships and egos. But I don't think all men are bad. Men age differently. They loose hair. They get bellies. They can't wear makeup and fake stuff to the extent women can. Women have always been the prettier sex and expected to shave, pamper and be feminine.

There are cocky Men that are not attractive. I dated a scrawny lad loosing his hair at 23 and he was always after women and lying. He didn't appreciate a good woman when he had one and he's just cheated on the wife he had after me.

I just think in general now people have lost old fashioned respect and it's a new world now. Social media makes Men message women and like pictures of women they They don't know.my boyfriends easily sucked in my women.

He's 48 and I'm 33. I'm slim. Average looking. I get Men interested in me but they are not particularly striking. I get on average a friend request a week. I know occasionally Men look at me when I'm with Mt boyfriend and he will notice and say oh he went out of his way to check you out. But despite me being younger and niceish looking. I put effort in. Makeup. Hair. I try wear nice clothes. He still is a sucker for anything that pays him attention.

@NightmareSlashDelightful

No man with a six-pack or wide chest is reading in his spare time!

I should introduce you to my brother and his husband, who are both exactly this.

Generalisations help no one.

I was speaking about heterosexual men.

Not sure why people are being so rude to OP. The personal touchiness and sarcasm about gym “6 packs” is so low, and also kinda proves her point 😜, a point i would generally concur with btw. She’s just sharing her opinion with some humour and opening a discussion. But she won’t be back, who would? Toodlepip myself.

I think the narrative that attractive men are jerks is very damaging and encourages women to settle.

The least attractive of my exes also turned out to be the most abusive. The most attractive of my exes were the ones who treated me with the most respect.

That's because the good looking ones didn't feel like they needed to break me and destroy my confidence to keep the relationship.

As a mother of a teen boy I can tell you there certainly is loads of pressure for males to look a certain way and conform to some deal.
And of course women work out/ groom themselves etc to be attractive! And to attract a partner! You have really generalised both sides of this.
I do agree about one thing - I know far more single attractive women than I do single attractive (or otherwise) men.

I'm not really sure this is true, but anyway to the extent there is truth in the OP I think you need to consider the way society operates.

Hypergamy being a good example.

There must be truth in it as all the OLD research suggests 80% of women are drawn to the 'top' 20% of men.

OLD seems to primarily benefit this group of men. Maybe that explains the arrogance of some good lookng men.

@NightmareSlashDelightful

No man with a six-pack or wide chest is reading in his spare time!

I should introduce you to my brother and his husband, who are both exactly this.

Generalisations help no one.

Sorry, I meant to say I think the OP is talking about straight men.

My husband has a beautiful six-pack and a gorgeous wide chest. He's a physics lecturer with a first from Cambridge. He's also one of the kindest people I know.

As for the rest, I've always thought of myself as attractive and certainly did when I was on my twenties. I've also never disliked attention from men and still don't. It's flattering, actually.

I know what you mean. maybe its an ego thing? They get attention so they can pick and choose - which likely emphasises the jerk element.

Pretty much all the good looking men I know are actually jerks. Its not always instantly apparant, and then wham, they'll say or do something so incredibly sexist, selfish or horrible. Its quite depressing.

Mind you, probably 90% of the not attractive ones are the same.

Maybe just most men are jerks? And the attractive ones just draw more attention to it.

@Pantofine

Not sure why people are being so rude to OP. The personal touchiness and sarcasm about gym “6 packs” is so low, and also kinda proves her point 😜, a point i would generally concur with btw. She’s just sharing her opinion with some humour and opening a discussion. But she won’t be back, who would? Toodlepip myself.

I missed the humour...all seemed very serious and research papers were presented.

What I find fascinating is that you hold these two thoughts simultaneously:

women are pressured to be attractive
women actively don't want men to be attracted to them

Wait...you have to go to the gym to be good-looking?

I rarely find a man who I think is super attractive, but that is just me.

Same here, so not just you.

I can't imagine dating anyone around my age as they're so gross

LOL And I agree with this as well.

I worked at a large corporation for many years, thousands of people onsite and rarely found any of the men super attractive. Even being out and about at different stores/locations I rarely run into anyone that makes me do a double take. Lots of very pretty women however.

I"ve dated lots and my very first BF was very attractive, yet everyone else after him that I dated were either average or just a little above that. I"ve done most of my dating online and most of the men are just average. And I'm fine with that since I'm just average. but I've peeked at some of the women and most of them are average too so I guess it makes sense that most of the population is just average.

I think make up helps to make a lot of women stand out. Also for some reason in my opinion it's easier for a woman to be pretty/beautiful than a man to be sexy/handsome for some reason. Maybe because their features are softer or something.

@MECC I've read some nonsense on here before, but your post is the most garbled heap of shite I've ever seen 😂😂😂

@ComtesseDeSpair

I know lots of people of either sex who are both good looking and nice. I also know people of both sexes who are good looking and not very nice. And less attractive people who are nice and who are not nice. I’m not sure what your sample is.

I know I’m pretty hot and I refuse to be self deprecating, so I’ll be the first to bounce your theory. I suspect many women don’t say it much not because they don’t think it but because often it’s other women who are quick to knock them down for being too boastful: there’s a thread running about women and men being friends where several posters have - actually quite modestly - acknowledged that they know they’re good looking and have been piled on by other posters jeering and calling them arrogant and vain.

Hi ComtesseDeSpair, I am glad you are confident about your appearance now, but I doubt you would call yourself hot back in your twenties, not to mention very few women feel that way about themselves. www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/more-than-75-percent-of-women-dont-like-their-bodies-134605253.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZWNvc2lhLm9yZy8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAIfNDYiBjOxnBuQKNX8bn6CpuTgzPR2pkHydlmf1wRBwi0u4Jm-zrb1rfi2pMFrleEAui0MWK5uc3m5d_xeLvRF0f943eLoIZWnADpV5w6lcC5QYoDrNvgxTCt6qUuklPYtpTW1c_QvcLaBUuzwXrSDJAoOW7ApR835Mt82ZEKv8 heartofleadership.org/statistics/

Furthermore, most women do not want to be noticed by men whilst men want to be noticed by women. For instance, men find large breasts attractive, but any woman with large breasts will tell you they hate it because of the back issues they cause and the difficulty of finding a decent bra. Men with abs on the other hand are more than happy to show them off.

@ukborn

As a mother of a teen boy I can tell you there certainly is loads of pressure for males to look a certain way and conform to some deal. And of course women work out/ groom themselves etc to be attractive! And to attract a partner! You have really generalised both sides of this. I do agree about one thing - I know far more single attractive women than I do single attractive (or otherwise) men.

I cannot think of any woman who would go to the gym to be more attractive to men. What woman wants to be noticed by men?

For instance, men find large breasts attractive, but any woman with large breasts will tell you they hate it because of the back issues they cause and the difficulty of finding a decent bra. Men with abs on the other hand are more than happy to show them off.

@merryhouse
Society pressures women to look a certain way, and so they feel they need to conform. However, how many women do you know who actually want to be checked out by men? How would you feel if some bloke was glancing at your bum in the underground?

For instance, men find large breasts attractive, but any woman with large breasts will tell you they hate it because of the back issues they cause and the difficulty of finding a decent bra. Men with abs on the other hand are more than happy to show them off.

@Gonnagetgoing

I understand you are looking ack with hindsight, but I doubt you would have thought of yourself as hot when you were younger.
Also, think back to the men you dated as a "glam girl". How many of the good-look men had good personalities?

[quote SauceGirl]@MECC I've read some nonsense on here before, but your post is the most garbled heap of shite I've ever seen 😂😂😂[/quote]
What do you not like about it @SauceGirl?

@Lpc3 and @EssexLioness
I don't know if you got the chance to take a look at the studies I linked.

Such random generalisations here. Of course having a six pack or a wide chest does not stop plenty of men from reading or enjoying other pursuits than going to the gym. And it’s bizarre to suggest a man can be sporting a six pack and intellectual if they’re gay but not if they’re straight. Equally, plenty of women enjoy being attractive to men. Not all women with large boobs want to hide them away and pretend they don’t exist. There’s lots of good looking, intellectual, nice men and there’s lots of good looking male arseholes. Same goes for women.

This is a weird thread!

It’s years and years since I’ve dated.

Has dating completely changed more to focus entirely on what people look like?

When I was dating, I was looking for someone who looked after themselves, was fit and healthy, had a great smile and a twinkle in their eye, was close to family and friends, did interesting things and had some hopes for the future.

Surely OLD is just a way of initially meeting people, don’t these things matter anymore?

I can’t help feeling that OP is a rather ‘average’ sort of man who has faced a lot of rejection!! Otherwise this analysis of attractiveness on a societal level just wouldn’t matter to them?!

Virtually everything you’ve posted seemed to be based purely on what you believe to be the case, with little actual knowledge of real people. Of course there are women who go to the gym so they can be attractive. Wanting to look good so that people will want to have sex with me is pretty much the top reason I go to the gym as much as I do.

Yes, it’s probably true that some very attractive men have big egos as a result of being very attractive, and that they’re not very nice people as a result. How on earth you extrapolate that to everything you’ve decided is the case, I’ve no idea.

You've thought about this a lot haven't you OP. Maybe get a hobby?