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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I deleted a woman from his Facebook

125 replies

Dollyandflower · 27/03/2022 08:57

My boyfriend and me met 18 months ago. We talked and got close for 4 months and to be honest neither of us was in the best place for a new relationship. We had a little row and he over reacted and deleted me march 2021. He spoke to me 2 weeks later and then when we tried to discuss why we had clashed he tensed up and went off again for 6 weeks. I went onto his Facebook spying as we sometimes do. I noticed he had added a new woman. She was hearting his pictures and I clicked her page. She lived an hour away and there was absolutely no obvious connection.

He came back to talk to me 6 weeks later. We started getting close again and then one particular day she wrote something on his status that made me decide I needed to know. I asked her nicely how she knew him as we had been off and on for a while. She told me they met on tinder and had met and had sex a few times. He had told her he didn't want a relationship though and she told me there was no love or anything. When I told her about me she called him a nob and apologised as she had no idea about me. I deleted him that night and started moving on.

8 weeks later he's had therapy and really sorted himself out. It showed. I asked him if he had met anyone over the summer. He said no but he needed some time to figure out if he wanted a relationship and he said he tried to fight the feelings for me because he's scared but I'm the only woman he's felt love and closeness for since his ex. We've been together ever since and we are building up q future. But this woman has remained on his Facebook and she's now engaged to another man. The last few weeks she's started liking the odd thing and put a comment on his status the other day. So last night when he was asleep I deleted her off his Facebook.

He's never ever told me about her and I think they are both being really shitty towards me.

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 27/03/2022 08:59

Come on love get a grip and dump the loser.

PAFMO · 27/03/2022 08:59

Neither of you are mature enough for any form of relationship.

Dollyandflower · 27/03/2022 09:00

That's the thing though I am mature. But he's never budged about what happened and if he had told me the truth it would never have been an issue. But hiding it from me and keeping her on his friends list when he thinks I won't ever know is just so disrespectful.

OP posts:
maisydaisycrazy · 27/03/2022 09:00

@PAFMO

Neither of you are mature enough for any form of relationship.
Agreed
Wiredforsound · 27/03/2022 09:02

Sort yourself out - block him on everything and move in. Who has the time or energy for this crap?

PonyPatter44 · 27/03/2022 09:03

Honestly, the problem lies with both of you. He is a cheat, you are jealous and controlling. There are 7 billion people on this planet, both of you can find other people who don't spark all this drama.

Wiredforsound · 27/03/2022 09:03

On - not in. Definitely do not move in.

Dollyandflower · 27/03/2022 09:05

Jealous and controlling because I don't like being lied too?

OP posts:
Mycatisfabulous · 27/03/2022 09:05

Do you really want to relationship like this??

NashvilleQueen · 27/03/2022 09:05

Then don't be lied to. He's not worth your time or effort.

GrazingSheep · 27/03/2022 09:06

For both your sakes just end it.

RonSwansonsChair · 27/03/2022 09:07

There's way too much drama in this relationship! Dump him.

MorningSicknessIsHell · 27/03/2022 09:08

Op, how old are you?

Honestly, the right man won't make you feel this way.

It's true.

Whiskersonkittens21 · 27/03/2022 09:11

He's shown you how much respect he has for you in his actions. LTB.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 27/03/2022 09:11

No one's coming off mature here but you shouldn't have gone into his Facebook and deleted her, that wasn't your place. For all you know, he'll request her again.

ShowOfHands · 27/03/2022 09:13

tried to fight the feelings for me because he's scared

Do people say this horse shit beyond the age of 15?

Lubeyboobyalt · 27/03/2022 09:14

If you have no trust you have no relationship - end of.

PersephonePomegranate · 27/03/2022 09:14

That's the thing though I am mature.

I'm sorry, but you're really not.

Walk away.

CrushedPistachios · 27/03/2022 09:15

I think there’s too much water under the bridge for this relationship to be a productive, healthy, success for either of you.

Time to walk away.

SpicePumpkin · 27/03/2022 09:15

I don't think he's a cheat. From your timeline you weren't together when he met this woman. You can't be someone's girlfriend if you don't speak for 6 weeks. And another 8 weeks on top of that. That's an on/off relationship. He sounds flaky and may have not been fully truthful but you don't come off great either. Spying on his Facebook and deleting people off it. It's incredibly odd to message someone on your on/off boyfriends Facebook and ask how they know them and if the sexes were reversed you'd have a very different reaction here.

Neither of you are mature, despite claiming to be so.

Iamkmackered1979 · 27/03/2022 09:16

You need to move on, he’s had therapy and it’s worked in 8 weeks? Pull the other one?

Lying little cheats like him do NOT magically change in 2 months. You need to aim higher, stop taking people back who treat you like shit.
Know your worth and it’s not this man. He will just cause more hurt and drama. I couldn’t be bothered with it. You want someone who really wants you and vice Versa and someone who shows it, be happy alone so any man who comes into your life is a bonus not your whole world.

Mumoblue · 27/03/2022 09:17

If you don’t like being lied to, don’t accept it. Don’t date guys who lie to you.

FTEngineerM · 27/03/2022 09:17

Yes, I’m definitely reading a teenagers diary here..

Fizzgigg · 27/03/2022 09:18

I went onto his Facebook spying as we sometimes do.

'we' really don't.

Fizzgigg · 27/03/2022 09:21

You asked if he'd met someone. That's really open to interpretation - met someone as in had a relationship or met someone as in had no strings sex. He may think he wasn't in a relationship so said no. Not necessarily a lie.

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