Did grief ruined my relationship?

[JohnRingo]

I've taken my SO for granted.
But not exactly in the way you think. Hello, my name is John (34 now) and in the 2015 started this amazing relationship with his amazing woman (32 now). We've built something that comes once in a lifetime, that it's incredible, to say the least. Everything was just super in every department, but in late 2020 everything changed.
My grandmother had an accident and developed dementia, while something happened with my dad, he became ill and suffered for close to an year and finally went into a coma and died this january. It was heartbreaking.
During this period, of course, we stopped going out, on holidays, etc. Not because I did not want to, but because I had no light at the end of the tunnel, I had no idea how the situation with dad was going. But this does not mean I was not there for my OH. I tried my best to do good for everyone.
We've had an argument near NYE and since then she became distant and we spoke finally and she told me that not going in holidays and not doing our usual stuff took a toll on her, that she needs time for herself and that we need a break and wants me out of the house for some time to clear her head.
It's hard to explain what I feel now. I am heartbroken, sad, angry, disappointed because, sadly, this was not the "script".

What can I do?
She does not want therapy, she wants space. I don't want space, space = relationship over for me.

Thank you for your kind answers.

Hello everyone.
A small update here:

Today is my second day in my new flat. Spent a while because I've prioritized a work project that was more important than moving out, and to be honest, I think I've deserved that.

Nothing changed with us, we acted like silent roommates and when I've left yesterday, she hugged me and said again: It's just a break, you need to think also and please don't be so not open to getting back together.
I think she still doesn't get it.

I am currently searching to buy a home/flat. Moving out at 35 and not actually having my real own place opened something into my soul, a frustration. It's not something I want to rush, but I really need it.

Also, a question, I know it depends from person to person, but when is it's ok to have some rebound sex with other people? I want to spend a lot of time myself, but at the end we are humans and we need that.
I am afraid if I do it any time soon I will burst into tears.

Thank you for your whole input. You helped me a lot.

hey. Glad to hear that you found a way forward, even if it's not the one you wanted.

I think if she's not hearing what you have been saying clearly, then there is nothing more you can do and it will have to play out. You said how you feel clearly, beyond that it's for her to deal with. (tbh I understand her position - but if it's not what you can do, it's not what you can do. You have to look after your own reasonable needs).

Completely get you on needing your own place!! I think everyone needs that after a certain point and it's a rite of passage, and makes you feel like you are grounded, to some degree.

About sex, if you are likely to burst into tears then possibly give it a miss for now =) My own view is that anything goes between two genuinely consenting adults. (some things look like consent but pressure has been used). I saw a guy for a time who was very much in your shoes. It was clear that he really wanted to be with her but was trying, and I hold no grudges. Others might. One night stands seem the way to go, until you have really had some time. It could be a year, it could be 18 months, it could be longer. Be honest with yourself about how you are feeling and the healing will go faster.

You don't need to wait to look for fling but it sounds to me that you need to tell her it's over. Otherwise there'll be all sorts of drama when she finds out you slept around when she believes you're on a break.

@Kat1953

But do I? I've told her non stop that If I go it's the end.
She ignore me.

You don't have to tell her, no. I don't think it will hurt though, will it? Best for both of you to be clear that this is a clean break. God knows people don't like drama.