My mum decided a week before Christmas, to up and leave the family, and spend 3 months abroad. It was a shock as we as a family always spend Christmas together, and I have two young children who missed out on spending Christmas with their grandparents, at such an impressionable age (2 and 9) .I wanted to accept the situation but I became angry and cut her off and haven’t spoken to her probably since. I tried to resolve but requested an apology which she refused to give, as she says she didn't do anything wrong.
We are both strong mind stubborn women, which doesn’t help. But I wanted and I thought I deserved and apology for the upset caused.
Since we haven’t spoken I have time to reflect on the relationship we had and I can’t help but continue to feel angry. Not just for Christmas but my upbringing. It’s funny how you reflect on other events from your past when things start to go wrong.
My step dad was an abusive bully, and made my life from the age of around 12 years old a living hell. He made me uncomfortable to live at home, said inappropriate things to me and friends and made it very clear I wasn’t wanted and tried to take money from me and route through my belonging and private bins . My mum, who should have been my protector through my adolescent years, chose to ignore it (turn a blind eye) as such I became that disgruntled and disruptive teenager. It was a cry for help!! I left at 16 years of age, a young girl in the big wide world and somehow landed on my feet . Mainly through graft and determination.
He is now 80 and I’m 40 and there was a 17 year ago difference between my mum and her new husband. He didn’t want a 2nd family and he made it know to be on a daily basis, but was a jeckle and hyde character.
The memories of my childhood had been buried as I became a parent and at times I even questioned my judgement as no one saw the nasty bully and pervy step dad just me!
I am annoyed at mum for disappointing my children at Christmas and thought it was a really selfish thing to do. She should as a parent have protect me in my home and she didn’t and I can’t help but continue to be annoyed.
I can’t speak to her, she’s been really incredibly dismissive in the past. She’s made no contact with me and I am limited access to her grandkids as I don’t trust or respect her anymore.
You may ask why has one issue brought up the past? I don’t know. I was always going to confront her on the issue, but once he’d died.
I don’t know what to do. I am being irrational?