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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Older women / younger guys

103 replies

jgr88 · 17/03/2022 17:00

Hi! I’ve recently come out of a LTR and want to explore dating with older women. Something I’ve wanted to do for years but have never had the opportunity to pursue. Some insight needed. Are older women generally interested in younger guys? Any advice before venturing in? 😊

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesaregoneffs · 17/03/2022 17:12

How old are you and what age are you looking for?

Besttobe8001 · 17/03/2022 17:17

I've dated younger men before, my advice is not to frame it that you're looking for 'an older woman', and be interested in her / her interests.

I've had an absolutely smashing time with some younger lovers so no reason why you shouldn't try if thats your thing. Be honest about your intentions and what you're looking for - but that should go for any relationship.

Gretchencre · 17/03/2022 17:18

I'd be interested in younger guys but to be brutally honest only for something casual. I would expect us to have quite different interests the older we both got so I don't think a LTR would work.

Sideorderofchips · 17/03/2022 17:24

There's 8.5 years between me and my boyfriend and it works as we have mutual interests

Redland12 · 17/03/2022 17:30

I have a few FWB’s who are younger. I much prefer a younger guy. I’m 63 and in great shape and younger in mind too. I’m having great fun with no strings, fuss or drama. We know where we stand as At 63 I’m not going to marry them and have their children. It’s pure fun. Couldn’t be happier.

jgr88 · 17/03/2022 17:30

I’m 33 and guess I’m looking for someone 45 plus.

OP posts:
layladomino · 17/03/2022 17:40

I think it's a bit of an odd way to come at a relationship.

Shouldn't your preference be for someone who you have things in common with / fancy / have fun with etc? Specifically looking for someone a particular age feels a bit weird. What is it that you think older women will provide that younger women won't? They won't all be the same you know.

jgr88 · 17/03/2022 17:44

Fair comment. I guess I just want to try something different. Hard to articulate. Trying something outside of the norm could be refreshing, I guess that’s my take.

OP posts:
onarollSloth · 17/03/2022 18:01

Are you just trying to avoid the age range who want to settle down and have kids? I think 45 should be ok, but could be borderline, unless they have grown up kids and asking if they have kids will sound a bit weird.

5128gap · 17/03/2022 18:03

If they're smart, funny, nice, make their own money and are very easy on the eye, I think some may have a chance, if they're lucky.Smile

IceColdlnAlice · 17/03/2022 18:10

As an older woman, I won't do anything unless I want to. I get the feeling there's so much pressure on young women these days to 'perform' certain activities. When dating an older woman, be prepared for her to know her own mind.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 17/03/2022 18:11

I was 41 when I met my now dh. He was 31!! Been together nearly 10 years..

Blushingm · 17/03/2022 18:46

I'm 43 and sleeping with someone who's 25, we get on like house on fire

onarollSloth · 17/03/2022 19:44

Is OP hoping to get lots of PM's ? 😂

wishywashy6 · 17/03/2022 20:51

My OH is 11 years younger than me (I'm 40 in a couple of weeks, he's 29)
Never set out to date a younger man, we just clicked but I wouldn't say we really notice the age difference and nobody ever points it out to us
I think setting out to date an older woman might just lead to disappointment as you obviously have some preconceived idea about what an older woman is when reality is, we're all very different and our age doesn't define us
Just try and find someone who fits well with you, if she happens to be older/ younger what does it really matter?

jgr88 · 17/03/2022 21:01

No particular reason for 45, guess it’s a hit arbitrary. But enough of a gap that there’s a refreshing change in perspective and some life experience. Something different to what I’ve been used to, and just a fresh perspective to life / having fun / relaxing. Which I think comes with age to a certain extent.

OP posts:
jgr88 · 17/03/2022 22:55

Advice and perspective. I can get PMs on Tinder! Halo

OP posts:
FreyaMaya · 17/03/2022 23:15

I'm 42 and my OH is 32 we are perfect for each other. He treats me like a princess

5128gap · 17/03/2022 23:22

My DP is many years younger than me. He isn't with me because I'm older, but because my being older is irrelevant. If my age had been the attraction I would have been very wary, as I'm not a fetish, a tick box or a novelty. I may have been having sex for more years but I don't have any special expertise, tricks or techniques that younger women don't have, and that I would want to teach. I don't have any old fashioned ideas that mean I would be prepared to 'look after' a man, and I don't see youth as a special prize that I would make concessions for, be more tolerant of, or think I was lucky to have. I'm not desperate for the attention to boost my flagging self esteem, so would not be 'grateful'. I might be a lot of fun and have good qualities, but I'm a human being, and sometimes life with me is relaxing, at other times not. Just like with younger women. So, my advice, forget all your preconceptions about older women. We're just women. If you meet one you like and she'll have you, go for it. But approach her as an individual person, not as a set of imaginary traits you want to 'experience'.

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 17/03/2022 23:44

Now I'm 36 I would love a younger man😜 but in all honesty I generally have always preferred older men.
I don't see any reason why not though..

Littlebylittlelittle · 18/03/2022 01:12

@jgr88

Fair comment. I guess I just want to try something different. Hard to articulate. Trying something outside of the norm could be refreshing, I guess that’s my take.
Yeah I think this is the whole problem a lot of older women. Have with guys looking for older women . They’ just want to try something different’ As if women are boxes of candy and you just try them all out How about approaching women as individuals rather than catagories like porn does If you happen to meet someone you give with and she happens to be older then great
Littlebylittlelittle · 18/03/2022 01:13

@jgr88

No particular reason for 45, guess it’s a hit arbitrary. But enough of a gap that there’s a refreshing change in perspective and some life experience. Something different to what I’ve been used to, and just a fresh perspective to life / having fun / relaxing. Which I think comes with age to a certain extent.
That sounds a bit better …. Do you want something long term or more casual
Littlebylittlelittle · 18/03/2022 01:15

5128 gives great advice … forget preconceptions about older women , we are all different . If you meet a woman who you get in with great but don’t base it in her being an ‘older woman ‘

jgr88 · 18/03/2022 06:20

Honest answer is I’m open minded. The quality of the company comes first - and if that clicks, anything that follows is great. So it depends. This is a totally fresh start so not necessarily in a rush to settle down again. Finding someone in the same situation would be ideal.

OP posts:
jgr88 · 18/03/2022 06:21

@Littlebylittlelittle

5128 gives great advice … forget preconceptions about older women , we are all different . If you meet a woman who you get in with great but don’t base it in her being an ‘older woman ‘
Great advice, thanks!
OP posts: