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Original poster

Older women / younger guys

103 replies

jgr88 · 17/03/2022 17:00

Hi! I’ve recently come out of a LTR and want to explore dating with older women. Something I’ve wanted to do for years but have never had the opportunity to pursue. Some insight needed. Are older women generally interested in younger guys? Any advice before venturing in? 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
jgr88 · 18/03/2022 06:23

@IceColdlnAlice

As an older woman, I won't do anything unless I want to. I get the feeling there's so much pressure on young women these days to 'perform' certain activities. When dating an older woman, be prepared for her to know her own mind.
Agree and I think that’s great. And I think it’s that maturity that appeals. Someone who knows themselves very well and what they want and don’t want.
OP posts:
Picklerickflag · 18/03/2022 06:27

I'm generally of the opinion that men look for women outside their age bracket because they have the misconception that the women of a different age will put up with their bullshit when ones their own age don't. Trust me, the younger/older ones won't put up with the bullshit either.

By the time you hit 30, I don't think there is that much in a change in perspective BTW. The only significant difference I can think of (as a woman in my early 40s) is that by mid 40s, most women either have kids already or the opportunity to have them has passed. I'm presuming from this that most women your own age are in a rush to settle down, marry, have kids etc. And this is not something you want.

Original poster
jgr88 · 18/03/2022 06:53

@Picklerickflag

I'm generally of the opinion that men look for women outside their age bracket because they have the misconception that the women of a different age will put up with their bullshit when ones their own age don't. Trust me, the younger/older ones won't put up with the bullshit either.

By the time you hit 30, I don't think there is that much in a change in perspective BTW. The only significant difference I can think of (as a woman in my early 40s) is that by mid 40s, most women either have kids already or the opportunity to have them has passed. I'm presuming from this that most women your own age are in a rush to settle down, marry, have kids etc. And this is not something you want.

Yeah possibly. Want to get out of the place where there’s a rush to have a family. That time will come, but for now - I’d like to try a fresher perspective with someone who has been through all that and wants to put their enjoyment first and give some life experience.

I’ve no doubt that older women don’t put up with bullshit. No reason why anyone would!

OP posts:
MsDataPotata · 18/03/2022 07:26

I'm early 50s, he's mid 30s. Started casual but is getting serious (planning a future). I look good for my age, kids are older, I'm financially sorted, I've got a good job, I'm well educated & well travelled. BUT he is the same, except for the kids (he's never wanted any). My point is. what you need to get straight in your head is that you'll not be doing an older woman a 'favour'. I get plenty of male attention, feel in no way invisible or unhappy with my life, my chosen partner just happens to be 15 years younger... Well, I suppose that's not strictly true... His age was somewhat of a bonus because men my own age often have erectile dysfunction, heart problems etc & that really isn't attractive. I'm not in the market to be a carer. But young & fit wouldn't have mattered if he didn't have the other attributes mentioned.

Original poster
jgr88 · 18/03/2022 07:53

@MsDataPotata

I'm early 50s, he's mid 30s. Started casual but is getting serious (planning a future). I look good for my age, kids are older, I'm financially sorted, I've got a good job, I'm well educated & well travelled. BUT he is the same, except for the kids (he's never wanted any). My point is. what you need to get straight in your head is that you'll not be doing an older woman a 'favour'. I get plenty of male attention, feel in no way invisible or unhappy with my life, my chosen partner just happens to be 15 years younger... Well, I suppose that's not strictly true... His age was somewhat of a bonus because men my own age often have erectile dysfunction, heart problems etc & that really isn't attractive. I'm not in the market to be a carer. But young & fit wouldn't have mattered if he didn't have the other attributes mentioned.
Appreciate the candid response. Also a good way of looking at it. I’m in the same situation as him / you. Everything sorted in terms of hygiene factors but just time to focus on something else for a while and see what happens. So I’m hoping I’m the complete package! Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
jgr88 · 18/03/2022 09:09

@Besttobe8001

I've dated younger men before, my advice is not to frame it that you're looking for 'an older woman', and be interested in her / her interests.

I've had an absolutely smashing time with some younger lovers so no reason why you shouldn't try if thats your thing. Be honest about your intentions and what you're looking for - but that should go for any relationship.

Good advice, thanks Smile
OP posts:
Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 09:16

I just came on here to make a post about this this morning!!! I have been speaking all week to a 29/M and I am 34/F
Not massive age difference and he seems fairly mature - loads of life expierence
Was not sure if anyone thought it sounded weird or not

Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 09:19

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

I was 41 when I met my now dh. He was 31!! Been together nearly 10 years..
I have heard of this more and more. I am going on a date this weekend with a 29 year old and I am 35. I have found single men in their late thirties And early forties have some baggage to work through such as divorce before wanting another relationship x. Xx
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 18/03/2022 09:30

My dh had no exw and no dc!! Not even a smelly ddog!!

Original poster
jgr88 · 18/03/2022 09:32

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

My dh had no exw and no dc!! Not even a smelly ddog!!
You’ll need to interpret this for me. Too much slang here!
OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 18/03/2022 09:34

No ex wife. No kids and no dog...
Get up with the mn lingo dude!!
Grin

Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 09:41

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

My dh had no exw and no dc!! Not even a smelly ddog!!
You were lucky i met one with an ‘ex’ wife (she wasnt an ex) and a smelly dog. It was just bad luck x x x
5128gap · 18/03/2022 09:56

If you're the full package now OP, you better get a move on. We get lots of offers and they seem to get younger. Best get cracking before you age out!Grin

Original poster
jgr88 · 18/03/2022 10:10

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

No ex wife. No kids and no dog... Get up with the mn lingo dude!! Grin
Haha OK. Thanks for explaining. This is all new to me Grin
OP posts:
Squeezyhug · 18/03/2022 11:02

Are you looking for FWB or a relationship ?

I think it’s important to know that life goals will be different.
Do you want kids in future for example ?

Original poster
jgr88 · 18/03/2022 11:56

@Squeezyhug

Are you looking for FWB or a relationship ?

I think it’s important to know that life goals will be different.
Do you want kids in future for example ?

Open minded. Ideally after someone who is in the same place and is just willing to see how it goes with a fresh perspective. So willing to take it as it comes.
OP posts:
Picklerickflag · 18/03/2022 12:03

See I'm reading all your responses as you don't want to get married and have kids. Just be totally open with a woman regardless of what age she is about what you want from a relationship.

There's nothing more unattractive than someone who dithers through life saying maybe to everything.

DoWhatYouLike · 18/03/2022 12:04

When my son was 23, he got with his boss, a lady of 50 (2 years older than me). She and her husband were leading separate lives, so they split up (her 2 kids had left home already and sold the house. She moved in with us (she and my son had mine and my husband's bedroom) for 3 months. They then got a house, lived together for 8 years. The age difference seemed to dawn on my son and eventually they split up. She's still in the house, he got his own place. He had a few girlfriends, all his own age, and he's now seeing a girl who is 9 years younger than him.

Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 12:11

@DoWhatYouLike

When my son was 23, he got with his boss, a lady of 50 (2 years older than me). She and her husband were leading separate lives, so they split up (her 2 kids had left home already and sold the house. She moved in with us (she and my son had mine and my husband's bedroom) for 3 months. They then got a house, lived together for 8 years. The age difference seemed to dawn on my son and eventually they split up. She's still in the house, he got his own place. He had a few girlfriends, all his own age, and he's now seeing a girl who is 9 years younger than him.
Wow thats an Amazing story!! Xx
Original poster
jgr88 · 18/03/2022 12:37

@Picklerickflag

See I'm reading all your responses as you don't want to get married and have kids. Just be totally open with a woman regardless of what age she is about what you want from a relationship.

There's nothing more unattractive than someone who dithers through life saying maybe to everything.

Or possibly I’m in a place where I’m re-assessing and can enjoy some freedom for a bit whilst I re-group. If I find a like-minded person who is in the same place and I’m open about it, then we are good.
OP posts:
Original poster
jgr88 · 18/03/2022 18:01

@5128gap

If you're the full package now OP, you better get a move on. We get lots of offers and they seem to get younger. Best get cracking before you age out!Grin
Haha. Lots of offers? So I’m not alone in my thinking! How can I make myself stand out?
OP posts:
ravenmum · 18/03/2022 19:03

You're not alone by any means, no. Some men are just pleased not to have any pressure re. children. But some do seem to think they will have a better chance of getting a girlfriend if they are younger than their competitors. Low self-esteem maybe? In any case, a friend of mine decided to only go for younger men when she was in her 40s (partly to keep it casual), and she got plenty of propositions.

dumdumduuuummmmm · 18/03/2022 19:28

@MsDataPotata

I'm early 50s, he's mid 30s. Started casual but is getting serious (planning a future). I look good for my age, kids are older, I'm financially sorted, I've got a good job, I'm well educated & well travelled. BUT he is the same, except for the kids (he's never wanted any). My point is. what you need to get straight in your head is that you'll not be doing an older woman a 'favour'. I get plenty of male attention, feel in no way invisible or unhappy with my life, my chosen partner just happens to be 15 years younger... Well, I suppose that's not strictly true... His age was somewhat of a bonus because men my own age often have erectile dysfunction, heart problems etc & that really isn't attractive. I'm not in the market to be a carer. But young & fit wouldn't have mattered if he didn't have the other attributes mentioned.
Do you worry that your younger man might fret that you may get vaginal atrophy and that he will end up as a carer for you in your dotage?
ewwwwwwdaviddddd · 18/03/2022 19:41

I'm 45,DP is 31, together 5 years and love each other to bits. It took me a long time to commit, the age gap was a huge deal for me but never for him. If it's right, it's right. Smile

5128gap · 18/03/2022 20:16

I think someone on this thread may be an older man feeling a little bit threatened. Grin