Page 3 | Older women / younger guys

jgr88 · 2022-03-17T17:00:44+00:00

Hi! I’ve recently come out of a LTR and want to explore dating with older women. Something I’ve wanted to do for years but have never had the opportunity to pursue. Some insight needed. Are older women generally interested in younger guys? Any advice before venturing in? 😊

H0Tcarrots · 18/03/2022 21:21

I’m in my late 40s and I occasionally date younger men. I would regard early thirties/late forties as a good match. 20s are for fun only. Late 30s are sliding into their mid life crisis. And while a man my age would be ideal, my experience is that they are generally low energy which isn’t that interesting to me.

The attraction of a younger man for me isn’t the promise of visible abs or a sense of pride in the fact that some young buck wants me. It’s more about finding someone who is curious and excited by life.

Having said that I don’t openly pursue younger men. My mainstream dating filters are set to 40+ although my presence on non traditional sites is a bit more open. So I would expect a young man to approach me and maintain that interest more so than I would someone my own age.

Being an older woman I do get approached a lot for people who are looking for some mommy stuff or are just trying to tick a box. So I would definitely be asking you why you are pursuing an older woman. And if all I got back was “a refreshing change” you would definitely go on the dick only list. Dick is cheap, so that list is long.

Maybe instead of thinking about what a older woman wants you could consider what YOU might have to offer? I’m sure there’s lots, but sometimes it’s hard to recognise it.

Original poster

jgr88 · 19/03/2022 12:00

@5128gap

I think someone on this thread may be an older man feeling a little bit threatened.

Haha who?

OP posts:

Original poster

jgr88 · 19/03/2022 12:07

@H0Tcarrots

I’m in my late 40s and I occasionally date younger men. I would regard early thirties/late forties as a good match. 20s are for fun only. Late 30s are sliding into their mid life crisis. And while a man my age would be ideal, my experience is that they are generally low energy which isn’t that interesting to me.

The attraction of a younger man for me isn’t the promise of visible abs or a sense of pride in the fact that some young buck wants me. It’s more about finding someone who is curious and excited by life.

Having said that I don’t openly pursue younger men. My mainstream dating filters are set to 40+ although my presence on non traditional sites is a bit more open. So I would expect a young man to approach me and maintain that interest more so than I would someone my own age.

Being an older woman I do get approached a lot for people who are looking for some mommy stuff or are just trying to tick a box. So I would definitely be asking you why you are pursuing an older woman. And if all I got back was “a refreshing change” you would definitely go on the dick only list. Dick is cheap, so that list is long.

Maybe instead of thinking about what a older woman wants you could consider what YOU might have to offer? I’m sure there’s lots, but sometimes it’s hard to recognise it.

Very insightful and a helpful perspective. Thanks for sharing. This gives me some tips / pointers. I’m definitely not looking to tick a box or have mommy issues. Rather, I’m after the experience / sassiness / independence of thought that comes with age and maturity, along with the physical beauty of course. And the mindset of just letting go and enjoying the moment. Someone who doesn’t care what people think.

Good point re: articulating what I can offer. I like to think I’m a special case. Have lived and worked in three different countries before 30 so have a sense of adventure / views on life that others my age don’t have, perhaps. Besides all the other basic factors that most people value

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5128gap · 19/03/2022 18:02

You always get negativity on the age gap threads, with some charmer directing misogynist, ageist comments towards women who date younger. I suspect the posters to be older men trying to protect their territory by shaming women into sticking to their age group.

Original poster

jgr88 · 19/03/2022 18:41

@5128gap

You always get negativity on the age gap threads, with some charmer directing misogynist, ageist comments towards women who date younger. I suspect the posters to be older men trying to protect their territory by shaming women into sticking to their age group.

Such a shame. But I can say it doesn’t put me off in the slightest. It actually encourages me. And these people are too late as I’ve already got a few matches on Tinder

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menomother · 19/03/2022 19:03

I'm 59, DP is 38.

Re a previous poster asking another 'Do you worry that your younger man might fret that you may get vaginal atrophy and that he will end up as a carer for you in your dotage?'

No VA here. He might be my carer in time to come. Then again, I might be his. I'm fitter than him. Men my own age are typically all 'pipe and slippers'. That would really age me, actually. He doesn't want children and mine are now adults. We talk about all sorts of things.

Original poster

jgr88 · 20/03/2022 17:17

@menomother

I'm 59, DP is 38.

Re a previous poster asking another 'Do you worry that your younger man might fret that you may get vaginal atrophy and that he will end up as a carer for you in your dotage?'

No VA here. He might be my carer in time to come. Then again, I might be his. I'm fitter than him. Men my own age are typically all 'pipe and slippers'. That would really age me, actually. He doesn't want children and mine are now adults. We talk about all sorts of things.

Well said and thanks for sharing 🙏🏻

OP posts:

5128gap · 20/03/2022 17:44

@menomother

I'm 59, DP is 38.

Re a previous poster asking another 'Do you worry that your younger man might fret that you may get vaginal atrophy and that he will end up as a carer for you in your dotage?'

No VA here. He might be my carer in time to come. Then again, I might be his. I'm fitter than him. Men my own age are typically all 'pipe and slippers'. That would really age me, actually. He doesn't want children and mine are now adults. We talk about all sorts of things.

I wouldn't take much notice of the poster asking that. I doubt it was a serious question. Its one of the stock responses aimed at putting down women who have the audacity to be dating younger men, when they should be sitting at home watching their same age partner snore in front of the TV at 8pm every evening. (When he's not out eyeing up young women that is, because strangely it's all good that way round) Like I said earlier, I'm convinced these poster are actually older men. Or older women who've drunk their Kool aid.

ravenmum · 21/03/2022 08:48

The poster asking that was mirroring MsDataPotato's own comment: "men my own age often have erectile dysfunction, heart problems etc & that really isn't attractive. I'm not in the market to be a carer" - just turning the sexes around to show how brutal it is.

5128gap · 21/03/2022 10:06

@ravenmum

The poster asking that was mirroring MsDataPotato's own comment: "men my own age often have erectile dysfunction, heart problems etc & that really isn't attractive. I'm not in the market to be a carer" - just turning the sexes around to show how brutal it is.

Yeah I get what they were trying to do. Whenever a woman makes a comment to suggest a man is less than attractive there's always someone rushing to their defence by trying to pull the woman down. No one needs showing how brutal men, and sadly some other women, can be as women age. Its everywhere. Its far less frequent to see it directed at men, as many people still labour under the erroneous belief (perpetuated by...guess who?) that men 'age better'. MsDataPotato was speaking about what she found unattractive in theory. It was not aimed at a specific person on the thread. The poster responding was referencing MsD's own relationship, and it was personal and spiteful.

ravenmum · 21/03/2022 12:46

Maybe I see it differently as I grew up in a family where men were constantly criticised and belittled, so have heard enough nasty comments about men to last me a lifetime.

SooopDragon · 21/03/2022 13:10

Well, there are 20 years between me and Timothee Chalamet but I’m sure we will find some common ground when he meets me and falls for me

Original poster

jgr88 · 21/03/2022 13:15

@SooopDragon

Well, there are 20 years between me and Timothee Chalamet but I’m sure we will find some common ground when he meets me and falls for me

Haha. My point exactly.

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Bouledeneige · 21/03/2022 13:16

I've been out with younger guys as I've met them in real life and we got on. But I wouldn't want to go for one who was particularly looking for an older woman as Id think it's more a sexual fantasy or fetish/fuck buddy scenario and I'm more interested in the meeting of minds/experience and humour.

Lookingoutside · 21/03/2022 13:18

I’m 45 and my youngest FB is 28.

So the answer is yes, we do like younger guys. Hi

AbsintheDreams · 21/03/2022 23:02

There are plenty out there into younger guys. Plenty. You'll have no trouble. Not something I get or would ever do myself but plenty do I think it makes them feel younger or still desired if they can hook someone their kids age. Not for me at all. And I'd be completely embarrassed if one of my parents had a partner my age or younger too...
But again you'll have no trouble there is plenty of older people that get a thrill from it. You'll find someone easy.

CoastalWave · 21/03/2022 23:07

@jgr88

I’m 33 and guess I’m looking for someone 45 plus.

I'm 47 and my husband is 34. We've been happily married for 11 years.

Redland12 · 22/03/2022 07:08

@Absinthedrrams. You’ve totally got it wrong for me. It’s not about making me feel young or desired. I love sex, what’s wrong with that? As I said in previous post, I am a fit 63 year old and look after myself, men my age tend not to. Going to be honest the younger guys have great bodies and much more stamina.. and the sex is out of this world. They are up for anything. Never boring. We have a laugh. As for my children knowing why on earth would they? I’m not dating any of them it’s just amazing sex! I’m having a blast! Getting a thrill from it! Hell yes and long may it continue. I can thoroughly recommend it.

Lookingoutside · 22/03/2022 07:25

@Redland12

Amen Sister ❤️

Ducksareruiningmypatio · 22/03/2022 07:37

My younger guys were purely fun and casual, there was no intention of ever taking things further or more seriously.
I've settled down it someone my age now.
Bloody hell it was fun though

Lunar27 · 22/03/2022 07:40

OP, I think you run the risk of coming across like you're fetishizing older women but think I know where you might be coming from.

I was 24 when I met my wife, she was 30. This was probably naivety on my side but I'd had a few relationships with women my age and they seemed like they weren't quite as comfortable with themselves as the older women I knew. I realise women are all different but my small sample size of 4 or so women led me to believe that 30 somethings were more self assured, comfortable with themselves etc. and I found this incredibly attractive. My wife was all of these things and more. Thankfully we hit it off and the rest seems to be history, although 6 years isn't a huge gap.

Original poster

jgr88 · 22/03/2022 07:59

[quote Redland12]@Absinthedrrams. You’ve totally got it wrong for me. It’s not about making me feel young or desired. I love sex, what’s wrong with that? As I said in previous post, I am a fit 63 year old and look after myself, men my age tend not to. Going to be honest the younger guys have great bodies and much more stamina.. and the sex is out of this world. They are up for anything. Never boring. We have a laugh. As for my children knowing why on earth would they? I’m not dating any of them it’s just amazing sex! I’m having a blast! Getting a thrill from it! Hell yes and long may it continue. I can thoroughly recommend it.[/quote]
Amen!

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5128gap · 22/03/2022 09:19

@AbsintheDreams

There are plenty out there into younger guys. Plenty. You'll have no trouble. Not something I get or would ever do myself but plenty do I think it makes them feel younger or still desired if they can hook someone their kids age. Not for me at all. And I'd be completely embarrassed if one of my parents had a partner my age or younger too... But again you'll have no trouble there is plenty of older people that get a thrill from it. You'll find someone easy.

What a strange way of looking at it. As if a woman's priority is to be desired when for most of us that starts in our early teens and continues for the next 4 or 5 decades. By middle age there's no novelty to that, and it becomes far about what we want than who wants us. As for feeling younger, no interest in that either. I'm having the time of my life. Independent, time and money for myself, no responsibilities , fit and healthy. I wouldn't go back to my youth if you paid me. And part of the fun of an age difference is bringing experiences and cultures together that are unfamiliar to both parties. Its sad you'd be embarrassed by your parents if they were with someone younger. Its seems very superficial. If they are decent people, making a positive contribution to the world, and have raised you well, you should be proud of them whoever they date.

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 09:52

You come across as, having exited a long, monogamous relationship you just want sex and "fun".

You've presumed, correctly in many cases, imagine that woman around your own age are looking to settle down & have kids and you don't want that (yet) so you've identified older women (45 plus as the age by which the vast majority have either already had kids or if they haven't, can't have kids without involved, expensive treatment). So they're the "fun, sex, no pressure" bracket.

No matter how you dress it up with words like "fresh perspective", experience etc. - that's how I comes across ("you can't get pregnant, you most likely don't want kids, you've probably already done the settling thing, you're already "set up", whether divorced, separated etc. ..... you'll do perfectly for a sex based, no pressure "relationship" and i'll settle later with a woman around my own age or younger when I feel like I've had my fun". Like older women have their use/function, until you feel.like having a traditional relationship

I find it fairly repulsive.

I've also read similar (though much more brutally phrased) stuff on a fitness forum I used to frequent where they think thry have an entirely male audience, I think you're like them but are flowering it up.

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 10:10

Shouldn't your preference be for someone who you have things in common with / fancy / have fun with etc? Specifically looking for someone a particular age feels a bit weird. What is it that you think older women will provide that younger women won't? They won't all be the same you know.

Their presumed inability to get pregnant.

Their presumed lack of desire to have (more) children.

Their already sorted accommodation etc. (general financial independence).

Their presumed lack of desire for engagement, marriage etc.

Their lack of desire/unavailability for fulltime relationship, often due to work and family commitments.

(Sometimes) the benefit of their lifestyle.

Nothing flattering to the older woman.

Going by the many young men, actually being honest, on male dominated forums, I've seen.