Page 4 | Older women / younger guys

jgr88 · 2022-03-17T17:00:44+00:00

Hi! I’ve recently come out of a LTR and want to explore dating with older women. Something I’ve wanted to do for years but have never had the opportunity to pursue. Some insight needed. Are older women generally interested in younger guys? Any advice before venturing in? 😊

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 10:11

But they don't phrase it as nicely as above.

Original poster

jgr88 · 22/03/2022 10:24

@Tamworth123

Shouldn't your preference be for someone who you have things in common with / fancy / have fun with etc? Specifically looking for someone a particular age feels a bit weird. What is it that you think older women will provide that younger women won't? They won't all be the same you know.

Their presumed inability to get pregnant.

Their presumed lack of desire to have (more) children.

Their already sorted accommodation etc. (general financial independence).

Their presumed lack of desire for engagement, marriage etc.

Their lack of desire/unavailability for fulltime relationship, often due to work and family commitments.

(Sometimes) the benefit of their lifestyle.

Nothing flattering to the older woman.

Going by the many young men, actually being honest, on male dominated forums, I've seen.

None of this. The only thing is the outlook and mindset that comes with age and maturity. Letting go and enjoying. Sure, a few of the factors you mention do help, but that’s not the driver at all. I could equally find younger types with those factors you mention.

OP posts:

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 10:27

How about approaching women as individuals rather than catagories like porn does

But ots obvious, in spite of him, dressing it up and being flowery, that he's looking for a fuck buddy til he feels like settling down work a (child bearing age) woman in a while; so thsts hos mindset.

He's just waffled, and adjusted whst he's saying in.line with the less sympathetic responses here.

Not sutecwhy he needs pointers either just go on the dating/sex sites and msg older women. Does he think he's got poor odds and is trying to gain an advantage by getting insiderbinfo from the home of "older" woman, MN?

Apparently.

(And he'd be right about the odds being against him (there is and had always been an over supply of men seeking no strings sex)).

Original poster

jgr88 · 22/03/2022 10:30

@Tamworth123

You come across as, having exited a long, monogamous relationship you just want sex and "fun".

You've presumed, correctly in many cases, imagine that woman around your own age are looking to settle down & have kids and you don't want that (yet) so you've identified older women (45 plus as the age by which the vast majority have either already had kids or if they haven't, can't have kids without involved, expensive treatment). So they're the "fun, sex, no pressure" bracket.

No matter how you dress it up with words like "fresh perspective", experience etc. - that's how I comes across ("you can't get pregnant, you most likely don't want kids, you've probably already done the settling thing, you're already "set up", whether divorced, separated etc. ..... you'll do perfectly for a sex based, no pressure "relationship" and i'll settle later with a woman around my own age or younger when I feel like I've had my fun". Like older women have their use/function, until you feel.like having a traditional relationship

I find it fairly repulsive.

I've also read similar (though much more brutally phrased) stuff on a fitness forum I used to frequent where they think thry have an entirely male audience, I think you're like them but are flowering it up.

OK, that’s absolutely not my intention. Do not mean it to come across that way.

OP posts:

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 10:31

I could equally find younger types with those factors you mention.

No, you couldn't; the vast majority of circa 30 something women who haven't already coupled up; are looking to couple up and have a family sooner or later. The numvetvofcwonen ive known who genuinelybdon't want kids are aren't focused on it from late 20s onwards is minute; in fact I can't name one. And I've known a shot tunnel of people from all backgrounds.

That's why you've picked 45 as your lower age limit.

JessUschrist · 22/03/2022 10:33

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Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 10:33

*shit tonne

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 10:39

None of this. The only thing is the outlook and mindset that comes with age and maturity. Letting go and enjoying.

Even if this really is your motivation , it's delusional.

People don't magically have different outlooks entirely depending on age.

Some young people are easygoing, chilled, dippy, fun focused, confident, happy etc. .... some older people are depressed, anxious, worn down, traumatised, needy etc etc.

People don't divide neatly into calm of attitude/zone by age.

Ridiculously simplistic thinking.

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 10:40

*divide neatly into realms of attitude/zone by age.

AbsintheDreams · 22/03/2022 10:50

As for my children knowing why on earth would they

Why would they not? Do you not see your kids? Or you don't see them with your partner because you're hiding that dirty little secret? Seems weird to be so proud you're dating someone that young yet your kids don't know as if it's something to hide... Seems a bit weird. I mean I personally can understand why you'd keep it all separate yet that would be contradictory of your post. And I know you're not dating your kids, never said that, but you kids ages or younger it's just creepy to me but as I said in my post there's plenty of equally creepy freaks out there who want to date people half their age.

I can thoroughly recommend it.

Couldn't pay me enough. I am happy with the person around my own age I have things in common with. But then I don't need to get my rocks off with someone half my age or less to enjoy sex... Each to their own. My opinion on it is just as valid as yours, you won't change my mind and I have no intention of changing yours. My point to the OP was plenty of freaks out there to choose from, case in point. Pretty sure I've come across your gross boasting before... Like the perfect advert for NOT doing it and why I'd be embarrassed if my parents were into...... Enjoy.

What a strange way of looking at it.

Not IMO.

Its sad you'd be embarrassed by your parents if they were with someone younger. Its seems very superficial

Don't care how it seems. Luckily I won't ever have to worry about it. Neither will my kids...

ravenmum · 22/03/2022 11:02

I've been with my dp for 5 years, but not living together. My children have met up with him twice. He's 4 years older than me. My children are adults and I don't live with them. We all have our own lives. There's no reason whatsoever to hang around with them and my dp together. No-one is ashamed of or hiding anything. To them this is a random man their mum is going out with, why would they want to sit chatting to him?

Redland12 · 22/03/2022 11:12

@Absinthedreams. Of course I see my children. They are married and have their own homes. I don’t have a partner nor do I want one. Why on earth is it a dirty little secret? I take offence in you calling me a creepy freak, not once did I disrespect you, just because you don’t like or agree does not make it wrong. I have no intention of changing you mind. As for gross boasting I can assure I was not. As for getting my rocks off with a younger guy BRING IT ON!

5128gap · 22/03/2022 11:18

@Tamworth123

Shouldn't your preference be for someone who you have things in common with / fancy / have fun with etc? Specifically looking for someone a particular age feels a bit weird. What is it that you think older women will provide that younger women won't? They won't all be the same you know.

Their presumed inability to get pregnant.

Their presumed lack of desire to have (more) children.

Their already sorted accommodation etc. (general financial independence).

Their presumed lack of desire for engagement, marriage etc.

Their lack of desire/unavailability for fulltime relationship, often due to work and family commitments.

(Sometimes) the benefit of their lifestyle.

Nothing flattering to the older woman.

Going by the many young men, actually being honest, on male dominated forums, I've seen.

While none of these things are flattering, they're not unflattering either. Unless you subscribe to the idea that all women want a man prepared to marry her and have a mortgage and children with her, they're just a list of neutral things a person may be seeking in a relationship. Women as well as men. Its objectively true that older women are less likely to want these things, so a man who doesn't either is a good match, surely? The only word of caution I'd address to the OP though, is that he may well want them in future and that may be more difficult than he thinks. People always think the older woman will be the one who suffers then when the man leaves her for a younger woman. However, I know, it is also possible for the younger man to fall deeply for the older woman and then face a very difficult and upsetting time when the relationship needs to end for him to progress his life. The older woman will often have the resilience to cope with this (she will have seen it coming) but the younger partner can be quite conflicted especially if the relationship is fantastic, as they often are. You're getting on a bit for a younger man though OP (no offence!

) so will hopefully have your eyes open and manage this.

Lookingoutside · 22/03/2022 11:23

‘I've also read similar (though much more brutally phrased) stuff on a fitness forum I used to frequent where they think they have an entirely male audience, I think you're like them but are flowering it up.’

Men who talk like that about women will always talk like that about women. Even younger women with whom they’re ‘having a traditional relationship’.

5128gap · 22/03/2022 11:42

@AbsintheDreams

As for my children knowing why on earth would they

Why would they not? Do you not see your kids? Or you don't see them with your partner because you're hiding that dirty little secret? Seems weird to be so proud you're dating someone that young yet your kids don't know as if it's something to hide... Seems a bit weird. I mean I personally can understand why you'd keep it all separate yet that would be contradictory of your post. And I know you're not dating your kids, never said that, but you kids ages or younger it's just creepy to me but as I said in my post there's plenty of equally creepy freaks out there who want to date people half their age.

I can thoroughly recommend it.

Couldn't pay me enough. I am happy with the person around my own age I have things in common with. But then I don't need to get my rocks off with someone half my age or less to enjoy sex... Each to their own. My opinion on it is just as valid as yours, you won't change my mind and I have no intention of changing yours. My point to the OP was plenty of freaks out there to choose from, case in point. Pretty sure I've come across your gross boasting before... Like the perfect advert for NOT doing it and why I'd be embarrassed if my parents were into...... Enjoy.

What a strange way of looking at it.

Not IMO.

Its sad you'd be embarrassed by your parents if they were with someone younger. Its seems very superficial

Don't care how it seems. Luckily I won't ever have to worry about it. Neither will my kids...

Its very strong language to call someone a creepy freak when you're referring to two consenting adults, and you sound very angry and scathing towards people who make different choices from you. Why do you have such strong feelings about something that doesn't impact on your life in any way?

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 11:54

@Lookingoutside

‘I've also read similar (though much more brutally phrased) stuff on a fitness forum I used to frequent where they think they have an entirely male audience, I think you're like them but are flowering it up.’

Men who talk like that about women will always talk like that about women. Even younger women with whom they’re ‘having a traditional relationship’.

As many other mn posters who are around men in male dominated environments or being indiscreet, or unaware unaware being being by females ..... there are a lot of men who talk about women like that.

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 11:55

And if you think mainstream porn culture has made younger men any more respectful ..... lol

Ducksareruiningmypatio · 22/03/2022 18:07

OP Did you inbox everyone that put something that fit your narrative?
Or just a select few?
That's not really how things are done around here...

Original poster

jgr88 · 22/03/2022 18:15

@Ducksareruiningmypatio

OP Did you inbox everyone that put something that fit your narrative? Or just a select few? That's not really how things are done around here...

Only those who have kindly defended a sentiment I was expressing. Nothing more, nothing less. But actually - coming on here was a bad idea. This isn’t a good place and I’m done with the fighting. I’m off.

OP posts:

Ducksareruiningmypatio · 22/03/2022 18:23

Bye then

KeepingAnOpenMind · 22/03/2022 19:39

See ya!

HeatherShiver · 23/03/2022 19:58

Hi, I'm 51 and in a ltr with a 31 year old man. We get on great and really love each other.
I'd avoid fetishising older women and don't act like you're a prize cos you're younger.
Be genuine and look for shared interests etc.
If you're not looking for serious or long term be honest about that.
If you do then think about how it would work if you want a family, marriage ect.

Renrute · 03/12/2022 16:21

You sound as though you have life sorted😊

Talon01 · 03/12/2022 18:06

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 09:52

You come across as, having exited a long, monogamous relationship you just want sex and "fun".

You've presumed, correctly in many cases, imagine that woman around your own age are looking to settle down & have kids and you don't want that (yet) so you've identified older women (45 plus as the age by which the vast majority have either already had kids or if they haven't, can't have kids without involved, expensive treatment). So they're the "fun, sex, no pressure" bracket.

No matter how you dress it up with words like "fresh perspective", experience etc. - that's how I comes across ("you can't get pregnant, you most likely don't want kids, you've probably already done the settling thing, you're already "set up", whether divorced, separated etc. ..... you'll do perfectly for a sex based, no pressure "relationship" and i'll settle later with a woman around my own age or younger when I feel like I've had my fun". Like older women have their use/function, until you feel.like having a traditional relationship

I find it fairly repulsive.

I've also read similar (though much more brutally phrased) stuff on a fitness forum I used to frequent where they think thry have an entirely male audience, I think you're like them but are flowering it up.

There's plenty of women in this thread with younger men. How do you view them?

WillhelmTim · 12/09/2023 21:41

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