To threesome or not to threesome?

[DontEatYellowSnow]

Hi, I’ve been seeing a guy for four months, met on FB dating. He lives about 1.5 hour drive away so we sext quite a bit. We both have kids but they haven’t met, we stay over at each others’ houses one night here and there in between work and shifts. We do hang out and get food, go for walks etc.
While texting we also talk about threesome fantasies, dogging, swinging etc. He likes the stag and vixen scenario and has really ramped up the chat about it. Or a threesome MMF. Even talking logistics.
Sometimes the chats I find hard to get my head around. My ex husband was more vanilla and never wanted to explore. I challenge him about them and we talk about boundaries and what we would accept or not.
I think I’m open minded sexually and after the break down of my marriage 2 years ago, I’ve explored more dating etc. Im not sure the reality of a threesome is my thing, I’d be grateful for any advice.
This new chap has been good to me, stable, own hobbies, treats me to dinner. We talk about other normal shit too.
The thing is I’m not even sure we are in a proper relationship! He went cold on me for a week over Valentine’s Day after he was busy at work and was feeling down about a few things, and (he said) annoyed at the distance between us. I told him I was going on another date as I thought he’d ghosted me! I told him we are better off as FBs or FWB or sexuationship..but he keeps laying it on thick about being with me, he was sorry he fucked up (I have brought it up a few times 🤦🏻‍♀️) we text a lot everyday. He says he cares about me.
He says he wants us to be a couple and likes me a lot etc but there’s a lot persuasion about threesome fantasy though too and saying things like “but it’s so hot with you” “you’re so open minded” and when I asked him about asking previous exes about threesomes and dogging he said no he didn’t ask them because he feels like he can talk with me about things he’d like to do. It’s always been in the back of his mind. But never talked about actually doing it. He was invited into a threesome once in the past when he was younger, he was the guy nobbing someone else’s wife while the husband watched. Now he would like to be the husband/stag as a couple.
Advice needed!!

If nothing else, please think about the danger element here. You're considering being alone and completely naked with a total stranger and a man you've only known for a few months. There's so much that could get out of hand here, and you'd have no chance of escaping.

I think actually, that he wants you to be a bit part in his little play, and that if you did do this, that he would ghost you shortly thereafter. He's shown you he's capable of that, with the whole Valentine's shenanigans. I agree with a PP as well, that he was spending Valentine's with another woman, hence his inability to pay you much attention (and if it was your first Valentine's, he ought to be going all out to impress you).

Well done. I wouldn’t even have a twosome with this guy.

Now Don'tEatYellowSnow has made her decision would it be too cheeky to ask if I was the only one confused by the whole stag and vixen thing? I didn't know what it meant so googled and got confused. Has whoever is in charge of sex slang (Urban Dictionary?) learnt nothing from all the years of rutting displays on Autumn Watch? Is it just me or would anyone else be unable to get over the zoological ignorance and metaphorical confusion enough to throw themselves into the roleplay with a whole heart and single mind?

@tomorrowalready I had to google it, too. I don't think an odd name would put someone off if they were really into the idea.

You are probably right , me4real, I googled some more as I wondered about the vixen part and it is not as random as I assumed. It seems vixen and male foxes (tods) do set up homes together but the vixen may well go off with other males so the cubs may not be the resident males but he doesn't seem to mind. I suppose it's one of the reasons foxes have a sexy image. Also female deer can also stray from the harem gathered by the dominant stag and mate with others and come back to the first one. So whoever came up with the terms knew a lot more than ignorant old me.

Well he ghosted you over valentine's but wants this vixen stag thing with you, so obviously his intentions are zero romance and other people watching you having sex (or you watching someone have sex? Not clear on this). If that's what you're looking for fine, but if you want a normal relationship I'd dump this guy immediately.

@tomorrowalready

Now Don'tEatYellowSnow has made her decision would it be too cheeky to ask if I was the only one confused by the whole stag and vixen thing? I didn't know what it meant so googled and got confused. Has whoever is in charge of sex slang (Urban Dictionary?) learnt nothing from all the years of rutting displays on Autumn Watch? Is it just me or would anyone else be unable to get over the zoological ignorance and metaphorical confusion enough to throw themselves into the roleplay with a whole heart and single mind?

Must admit I thought it had something to do with vicars and tarts wearing furry costumes at first.