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how to cheat without using a phone

72 replies

Rubypages · 14/03/2022 21:40

A couple of years ago I posted on here about concerns I'd had about DH possibly cheating. I had no evidence, just a feeling.

I had been through his phone and google account with a fine-toothed comb and found nothing other than a couple of selfies which I thought may have been taken by mistake (one of which had been taken in our bathroom). But I knew he had occasionally complained of having taken a selfie when he had been turning off his phone, so it was hardly suspicious, and the selfies were unflattering. As for having his phone in the bathroom, he would sometimes play music via it while having a bath so again not suspicious.

On Google locations there was a hotel location he had visited in a nearby town, but I thought this could have been explained by him meeting a work colleage who had stayed over for work. The hotel was a dive, not the sort of place DH would ever pay to stay in.

So, other than that, there was no 'evidence' as such of any cheating. E.g. No mysterious payments out of the bank account, no working late or going to the pub with his mates.

A couple of times on here I was berated by people telling me off for snooping especially as I had found nothing.

Fast forward and he had caught genital warts. So my gut had been right all along. He had cheated. Yet searching his phone had found nothing.

How did he do it? How did he keep all evidence off his phone?

OP posts:
PiperPosey · 14/03/2022 22:28

I couldn't live like this.

He's admitted to screwing a prostitute... That would do it for me. Angry

Itchylegs · 14/03/2022 22:36

I am all for snooping. Just did some satisfying snoopery myself. Satisfying and debilitating. I don't care about the idea that DP/DH who is screwing around with someone else deserves privacy. My DP is technically naive so it was so easy. This sounds more complex. But maybe it is someone close to home.

grapewines · 14/03/2022 22:38

Does it matter how? Point is he did it. With a prostitute no less. I'd be over it and not looking for the dirty details.

NewspaperTaxis · 14/03/2022 22:52

The whole pay as you go Nokia mobile thing isn't that radical or weird, the series Breaking Bad had its lead use a second phone, okay so he was a drug dealer but I mean it's not so 'out there'. I have one myself, partly because I am a commitment phone and didn''t want a contract, party because the hassle of a smart phone with all the bells and whistles didn't appeal, partly because I wanted something cheap, not a few hundred quid. O2 do pay as you go and don't take your details in terms of name and address. Actually, of course you can do this with a smart phone too.

Serendipity79 · 14/03/2022 22:53

My ex cheated twice (that I know about) and both times it was people who he worked with, and I know now that he used work email and the work mobile as both were secure and encrypted so only he could access them. The second time though, he had a warning from work about excessive mobile phone usage which he let slip to a mutual friend, and after he'd left I found a strange phone charger plugged in under his side of the bed, hidden under a load of books so am assuming there was a second mobile as well at some point.

If they want to find a way then they will unfortunately

greasyshoes · 14/03/2022 22:57

He has admitted to cheating now, after denying it for so long. He said it was with a prostitute whose number he got off a website, but the behaviour for that doesn't really fit his behaviour, IMO.

Well that's easy. Number came from a website, so he would have browsed the internet using a computer. In terms of phoning her, that would be done using a burner phone. You can buy a cheap pay as you go phone for £10.

Hawkins001 · 14/03/2022 23:00

@Rubypages

I considered a second phone. He had the hardware for a second phone - his previous handsets he kept. But he would have needed to have bought a new SIM with no contract and all topping-up with cash so no paper trail. Is that even possible?
That's easy to do, most supermarkets sell topups, specifically to answer about off line, build the affair details into your normal routine, discuss everything in person, plan schedules in advance when in person, basically if needed use coded notes in written form e.g. Business dairy ect, cover everything in cash, any withdrawals make sure it can be explained by x activities etc. It's all achievable, just need due diligence mainly on how to plan the affair.
Hawkins001 · 14/03/2022 23:02

There is even a book written on tips of how to have an affair.

NewspaperTaxis · 14/03/2022 23:05

To be kept at work, presumably.

Faevern · 14/03/2022 23:09

If you believe that he hid money to pay a prostitute without you knowing, then it follows that he could hide money for a cheap payg.

Barkingmadhouse · 14/03/2022 23:09

Does his phone hold 2 sim cards? Has he since removed the 2nd sim card?

FabricedeSauveterre · 14/03/2022 23:13

I would go with topping up a PAYG at a supermarket. Or very good at deleting. How can you possibly account for all supermarket shops? Did you check his receipts every time he came home?

FullBush · 14/03/2022 23:19

What more do you need to know really? You’re just torturing yourself now.

AddictedToOlives · 14/03/2022 23:27

Can be using his phone - deleting WApp and text msgs as he goes, or msging on dating sites, using sites like ‘Kik’ (famous for affairs) or Skype chat

Tiger401 · 14/03/2022 23:37

I get why you want to know OP. I’m also intrigued.

I’d say it was using his normal phone with some app. Or browser. Only detectable via usage on screentime if it’s an iphone? Also battery shows deleted apps, hed just delete and then log back in?

99pronouns · 14/03/2022 23:38

He managed to arrange to have sex with a prostitute online, he's tech savvy enough when he wants to get his dick wet.

Honestly why do you need more evidence? He's already hit rock bottom.

Tiger401 · 14/03/2022 23:38

Additionally, what were the signs OP? If it’s physical then it suggests he had to be out the house. Was there times that didn’t add up? Does he work shifts and lie about them?

I just always wonder this type of thing as I know my DH’s location as he goes to work set times and then straight home, I even know if he has gone to supermarket etc. so I’d only have a suspicion of a colleague because that’s the only place it could be. What was yours OP? Did he spend random time out of the house? Because he could use an app or Adultwork and use prostitutes?

justsatfloating · 14/03/2022 23:41

Linked in messaging, sales navigator, Skype, writing notes on a google doc, Pinterest chat, Instagram etc.. so many ways to hide when you need too.

Snd most cheaters switch channels daily and delete.

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 14/03/2022 23:47

Not even a second phone. It could be a second sim or apps that are hidden.

Abaababa · 14/03/2022 23:55

As PPS have said, a hundred ways to cheat without a phone that you know of. Given he had admitted to cheating, can you just ask him how he communicated? As at this point, after getting an STD check up, you really need to think about kick his ass to the curb. Best of luck.

Weatherwax13 · 14/03/2022 23:56

I know the almost obsessive need to know the full story when you've been horribly betrayed, OP.
I really get that's it's eating you up.
But the fact is you definitely know he's cheated.
Have you been able to put your energy into making decisions about what you want to do next?
I hope that you're prioritising taking care of yourself over this. Because that's the most important thing.
You'll likely never know the full truth.

AwayInMyMind · 14/03/2022 23:57

Just boot him out ?

Cantchangenow · 15/03/2022 07:19

You need to leave him as this will make you unwell.
It’s easy to cheat with no evidence, wasn’t long ago people didn’t even have mobile phones.
I cheated on an ex boyfriend once with someone from work, he was also with someone, I’m not proud but I was very young at the time as was he.
We didn’t even have each others phone numbers, we didn’t want them. It happened a few times at work, lunches and walks, in the cupboard. All very exciting and lasted about 3 months. We even went to the Xmas party with our partners. No one ever found out. However I left as wanted to distance myself from the toxic situation and would never do that again. Just saying if someone wanted to then there could be no evidence.
You either trust him or you don’t and based on his actions he’s admitted to them I would call it a day

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 15/03/2022 07:21

@Rubypages

I considered a second phone. He had the hardware for a second phone - his previous handsets he kept. But he would have needed to have bought a new SIM with no contract and all topping-up with cash so no paper trail. Is that even possible?
Of course you can get a sim with no paper trail Sorry
dworky · 15/03/2022 07:52

Just move on with your life x