how to cheat without using a phone

[Rubypages]

A couple of years ago I posted on here about concerns I'd had about DH possibly cheating. I had no evidence, just a feeling.

I had been through his phone and google account with a fine-toothed comb and found nothing other than a couple of selfies which I thought may have been taken by mistake (one of which had been taken in our bathroom). But I knew he had occasionally complained of having taken a selfie when he had been turning off his phone, so it was hardly suspicious, and the selfies were unflattering. As for having his phone in the bathroom, he would sometimes play music via it while having a bath so again not suspicious.

On Google locations there was a hotel location he had visited in a nearby town, but I thought this could have been explained by him meeting a work colleage who had stayed over for work. The hotel was a dive, not the sort of place DH would ever pay to stay in.

So, other than that, there was no 'evidence' as such of any cheating. E.g. No mysterious payments out of the bank account, no working late or going to the pub with his mates.

A couple of times on here I was berated by people telling me off for snooping especially as I had found nothing.

Fast forward and he had caught genital warts. So my gut had been right all along. He had cheated. Yet searching his phone had found nothing.

How did he do it? How did he keep all evidence off his phone?

I get that you want to know.
Knowing the details of just how devious he's been helps channel the anger and convert it to action. It also helps kill off any remaining affection you might have for the arse.

I use private / hidden embedded browsers and comms apps for several things. Somebody non-techs who didn’t know how to locate or access these within the structure of my phone or laptop would never find them.

Which is why driving yourself mad over trying to find detail and trails is pointless. You know he’s devious, you know he’s concealed things from you, you know he’s been unfaithful and was able to successfully hide it for a long time. You might find some evidence - you’ll never know whether you’ve found all the evidence, and what might still be out there to find, and so the pain and frustration will just continue rather than decrease.

Channel your anger into you and building the best future for yourself that you can.

As a PP said, he had managed to hide the multiple fees for the prostitute (it won't be just the once) so hiding a tenner here and a tenner there for a supermarket burner will be piddlin'.

I hope you are asking these questions as you are packing your bags OP because if not, this is your life now.

I've worked with men that are having affairs and seeing sex workers. Their ingenuity knows no bounds and the wives are oblivious and deliberately kept so.

Had he not caught the STD you would still be none the wiser.

The only woman that knows 100% that their husband is not cheating is called a widow.

Surely the point is that you now know after years of suspicion that he has cheated. You have the answer. How he managed to arrange his sordid activities you’ll never know as I very much doubt he’ll ever be honest.

What’s the next step? That should be your focus. And an STI test.

I cheated in the past. We used our normal phones, had strict rules about when we would contact each other (for example only during our working day) before leaving work, we would delete all evidence. Generally we used Facebook Messenger, no iMessage or WhatsApp. Had a separate gmail account only logged into through a browser. If you'd looked on my phone you wouldn't have known a thing.

Could he have a seperate bank account? So pays everything from that? I have accounts with 2 different banks and one of them I opted for paperless so literally nothing from them ever comes through the door now I'm thinking about it.

@ComtesseDeSpair

I use private / hidden embedded browsers and comms apps for several things. Somebody non-techs who didn’t know how to locate or access these within the structure of my phone or laptop would never find them.

Which is why driving yourself mad over trying to find detail and trails is pointless. You know he’s devious, you know he’s concealed things from you, you know he’s been unfaithful and was able to successfully hide it for a long time. You might find some evidence - you’ll never know whether you’ve found all the evidence, and what might still be out there to find, and so the pain and frustration will just continue rather than decrease.

Channel your anger into you and building the best future for yourself that you can.

this shows up in screentime on iOS!

You people are so deluded.

Telegram has a private message section.

But what is the situation now OP?

People cheated for centuries before phones were invented. Can’t be that difficult.

@duckiebrown

You people are so deluded.

Why ?

@Tlollj

People cheated for centuries before phones were invented. Can’t be that difficult.

Yeah. Before smartphones there were websites and email. Before that there were landlines. Before landlines there was the post and the classifieds. Before the post and the classifieds I guess people stood under windows and sang, or picked up at church or the public house.

In theory people can still use websites, email, the post, the classifieds (they still exist! Weird!), and pick up in person at work or the pub or church or....

He will have bought a cheap phone, costing less than £10 with a £1 SIM card most likely and used it to contact the sex worker. Then he may even have thrown the phone away and done the same if he saw another one. Then paid her cash. I have worked with men who have described this to me and how they hide it from their partners.

Also because they're terrified of the sex worker contacting them again so they buy a phone they can throw away.
I'm sorry this has happened. It must have been awful to find this out.

More than likely a second phone.

But even on his own phone, he could have deleted phone calls, downloaded and then deleted an app when not using it.
I’m pretty sure there are plenty apps where you can have hidden chats and have to enter a pin in the settings to even access the chat.
He could have had fake names in his contacts, eg Dave from work.
He could have asked for cash back when paying for groceries or petrol.

There are many ways to be very secretive.

So sorry

Came on to say Kik.
My friends ex used it for his 9 month affair.
And possibly my ex used this too.

Please kick him out! Hope you're OK op.

I mean……

Genital.
Warts.

What in the world do you need?

You probably have it as well. I hope to God not. Get tested but my poor dear you don’t need anything else to move on.

He could have used Google voice, WhatsApp, kik, we chat… Instagram…ANYTHING

How in the world are you going to not see

Genital Warts as the biggest red flag???

What in the world!!?.. he has put your own health a risk and honestly narrowed your prospected mates should you break up and have it.

Get mad.

A second phone - a completely different identity, number, icloud, gmail etc., for a completely different second life - either kept at place of work or very cleverly hidden at home.

There are all sorts of secret hiding places, like behind a removable kick board in the kitchen or behind the bath panelling. A second SIM could easily be hidden in a home - in a torn pocket in the underneath lining of a sofa for instance.

Those who have second, secret phones for cheating are accomplished planners. Maybe an initial betrayal happened by chance, but the existence of a second, secret phone screams a long-term and habitual cheater. It's possible these types get off on pulling the wool over their partner's eyes as much as they get off on the sex with the other person(s).

This is why I'm usually dismayed when people go to great lengths to explain on here how to examine the partner's phone. The chances are, nothing will be found, the suspicious partner thinks they are paranoid, the cheater gets away with it, because all the evidence is on another device.

You don't need to be a criminal mastermind to keep a secret phone, you just need to be disciplined enough to keep your two lives completely separate. The best hope the betrayed has of finding the truth is during those times in life which are out of the ordinary routine (holidays, periods of sickness) when the cheater might be missing their fix and become more sloppy in their discipline.

As for paying for it: cash, or get a mate who owes you a favour to arrange it for you in some way.

Some phones allow 2 SIMS (work and private )
SIM card me cost 99p and you can buy top ups with cash. If he used a messaging app like Snapchat then messages would disappear after they were read. Some apps use Wifi to call.

When my h cheated he used a second phone. Not a smart phone so there was no record of location and small enough to hide in his gym bag which he kept in his car. Hotels were paid for in cash - taking small amounts like £10/£20 isn't going to attract attention on our bank statement.

An email address that both people can access. Emails are only ever written as drafts and then deleted once read by the other person.