Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriends business isn't making money

96 replies

cm1010 · 13/03/2022 22:16

Me and my partner had our baby on December 22nd so I am currently on maternity leave, we have also moved into our new home. He runs his own business but it is not making money and he cannot afford to pay bills so my mum has been paying out mortgage etc. I have asked him to do something about it and he's just waiting for the business to 'pick up' and start making money soon. I told him we don't have time to wait we could lose our home and that we have a baby to think about and have told him he should get a part time job for the time being so he has some guaranteed income. He doesn't want to as working for someone else makes him 'unhappy'. Am I being unreasonable to ask this from him?

OP posts:
DenholmElliot · 13/03/2022 22:18

No YANBU.

He doesn't have a business if it's not making money. It's a hobby.

Where's his self respect? Pissing about on a hobby and refusing to get a job whilst his girfriend and her mum pay for him and his kid? I despair, I really do. What sort of man does that?

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/03/2022 22:19

Of course you’re not! Has he no shame? Partner on mat leave and he’d rather have her mum pay for the roof over his head than get a proper job? Pathetic. Embarrassing. Immature. So very unattractive.

If he’s not going to step up he needs to go.

newbiename · 13/03/2022 22:19

Of course you're not unreasonable. Can you claim any benefits?

whymewhyme · 13/03/2022 22:20

That wouldn't do for me, talk about hopeless!

RoyKentsChestHair · 13/03/2022 22:22

If his business doesn’t support you all then he needs to find other work while he builds it up, not rely on your mum.

If he’s working hard and the business has potential to grow could he look at claiming tax credits to top up his income in the meantime? Otherwise he needs to get another job and work on his business in his free time.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 13/03/2022 22:22

Are the title deeds and mortgage deeds in both your names?

You have to make some serious decisions here, sadly.

DenholmElliot · 13/03/2022 22:24

Do you know what - you could kick him out, get tax credits plus a lodger, and be better off.

HanSB · 13/03/2022 22:25

He’s unhappy about working for someone else but happy enough to let your mum pay for you all. He has responsibilities and too selfish to face them. I couldn’t stay with someone who refused to provide for his family.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/03/2022 22:28

This reminds me of a friend whose partner was made redundant, again, and refused to claim benefits while looking for another job because it was embarrassing, while asking her parents to pay their rent and other bills that she was struggling to cover from her salary.

The nerve of some people is baffling. But they do it because other people go along with it.

thefirstmrsrochester · 13/03/2022 23:06

Is the mortgage in your name OP?

FlowerArranger · 13/03/2022 23:11

Can you clarify who actually owns this property and whose names are on the mortgage?

You need to extricate yourself from this mess and move in with your mum until you can find a way of standing on your own two feet. Your boyfriend is a dead loss - don't spend any more time on this loser! Nor should your mum be paying the mortgage.

Original poster
cm1010 · 15/03/2022 11:13

The mortgage is in my name and my name only so unfortunately cannot move out of the property and back in with my mum.

OP posts:
DenholmElliot · 15/03/2022 11:16

Ask him to leave then, if he's not contributing to the house. You'll get tax credits and be better off

Kapsauss · 15/03/2022 11:17

Then he needs to move out and leech off of someone else.

pippinsleftleg · 15/03/2022 11:20

Tell him to leave and get back to work early or move in with your mum and rent out the house

BaronessBomburst · 15/03/2022 11:20

He moves out, you get a lodger.

caringcarer · 15/03/2022 11:41

YANBU. He needs to step up and go to work for someone else PT until he can build his self employed job up. What does he do? Could he diversify at all?

LemonTT · 15/03/2022 11:42

I’d say you need to establish if his business is really losing money or not.

It sounds like you own the property if the mortgage is in your name. He may have decided he isn’t going to benefit from paying it.

It doesn’t sound like a solid relationship and getting a paye job won’t change that.

I’d say he has one foot out the door or he never fully came through the door. Either way, I’d say you need to think like a single parent.

girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 11:44

Ask him to leave and put a UC claim in.
Your mortgage isn't his priority because it's your debt.

Hoppinggreen · 15/03/2022 11:44

Businesses fail all the time, there’s no shame in it.
However, he should be ashamed that he won’t try and get a job to support his family
I would be having a close look at my future with him if I were you

Crikeyalmighty · 15/03/2022 11:51

Tell him that having your mum paying the mortgage is making you unhappy OP— he either gets some income in or needs to move out— you need proof too that he doesn’t have income coming in —as if he hasn’t —then you can make a UC claim as unless you are on a terrific maternity package you will be below the levels of claiming UC

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/03/2022 11:58

Your mum needs to stop enabling him. She will have to say "I can't pay the mortgage any longer, you two need to pay it between you."

At this point I suspect he will do a quick fade and you'll be single. Thank fuck you have the deeds fully in your name. Gives you lots more options.

Don't rely on getting maintenance from him - if he stays self employed and he's not making a profit, you'll get fuck all. He can also hide income to avoid paying.

I'm assuming your job gives you enough income to pay the mortgage (otherwise you wouldn't have been approved) - can you return early from MAT leave, if you're not on full pay?

BlingLoving · 15/03/2022 12:04

I take it you're only receiving SMP, hence can't met normal costs? I'm guessing that pre-baby you just paid everything and didn't notice that you were living with a cocklodger.

I find it astonishing that he's not mortified. But also not astonishing because I know of a man just like this in real life. How these people look themselves in the mirror is beyond me.

I'd be asking him to leave then because at least you could get some additional benefits and/or your costs would go down.

PS what's the business and is he actually doing ANYTHING to build it up? I bet he's not.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 15/03/2022 12:08

No. You're not.

If his business isn't making money then he needs to take a job. When you have a child to take care of who the fuck cares if you don't want to be employed. Boo fucking hoo.

He should be unhappy and embarrassed that his mum in law is having to bail you guys out not bleating on about how having a boss would make his sad.

Not having a roof over your heads will make your baby sad. Priorities ffs. 🙄

Dontbeme · 15/03/2022 12:14

Just get rid of him OP, you will be no worse off financially and won't have to deal with him dragging you down as he plays business owner and boss as a hobby. His business is not making any money, you cannot afford to support his hobby and provide solely for your child while he flutters about.