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Original poster

Boyfriends business isn't making money

96 replies

cm1010 · 13/03/2022 22:16

Me and my partner had our baby on December 22nd so I am currently on maternity leave, we have also moved into our new home. He runs his own business but it is not making money and he cannot afford to pay bills so my mum has been paying out mortgage etc. I have asked him to do something about it and he's just waiting for the business to 'pick up' and start making money soon. I told him we don't have time to wait we could lose our home and that we have a baby to think about and have told him he should get a part time job for the time being so he has some guaranteed income. He doesn't want to as working for someone else makes him 'unhappy'. Am I being unreasonable to ask this from him?

OP posts:
Original poster
cm1010 · 15/03/2022 14:32

Sorry, a business partner who is no good

OP posts:
Original poster
cm1010 · 15/03/2022 14:33

He is very naive and believes that his business will pick it soon as he has gone into business with a new partner but doesn't understand that we don't have the time to wait for it, bills need to be covered now not in a couple of months time..

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 14:35

he loves his daughter and does a lot for us..

But doesn't keep a roof over your heads or food on the table

Crikeyalmighty · 15/03/2022 14:37

It doesn’t sound OP as if there’s an underlying issue relationship wise apart from his business being right down, itsall a big financial issue though — is it a tradesman type business? (in which case he needs to get out there leafleting or contact all local construction projects) or is it something else altogether— we don’t know him and it’s anonymous here so any clues might help as some of us may have ideas— however it’s not sustainable like this as it ‘may’ not be short term .

Original poster
cm1010 · 15/03/2022 14:41

@Crikeyalmighty

It doesn’t sound OP as if there’s an underlying issue relationship wise apart from his business being right down, itsall a big financial issue though — is it a tradesman type business? (in which case he needs to get out there leafleting or contact all local construction projects) or is it something else altogether— we don’t know him and it’s anonymous here so any clues might help as some of us may have ideas— however it’s not sustainable like this as it ‘may’ not be short term .
He details and wraps cars etc. He has started up a new business in the last few weeks with someone who has a very good business head on him and I know the business will make money in time but it's just the fact we don't have the time to wait, he needs a guaranteed income until his business makes enough to support his family, but his stubbornness and hate for working for somebody else is preventing him from getting a part time job for the time being.. he doesn't understand the serious consequences with money because his dad was just as bad but his dad was also lucky because he remarried a woman with plenty of money..
OP posts:
Loopytiles · 15/03/2022 14:42

What a mess.

Do you have a legal agreement as regards the house? If not, you (alone) should seek legal advice asap.

Loopytiles · 15/03/2022 14:43

The argument that becoming an employee would ‘make him unhappy’ is bollocks. It’s a preference.

Clarabe1 · 15/03/2022 14:46

He is a selfish arse. I don’t particularly like working for a company and I don’t particularly like being told what to do but you do it to give yourself and your family some sort of life. He needs to get his priorities sorted!

Theworldisfullofgs · 15/03/2022 14:46

To be honest that's business is based on a luxury rather than necessitiy. Given the current economic climate I think he needs to be realistic unless he already has a well established client group.

Hoppinggreen · 15/03/2022 14:51

You don’t “know this business will make money in time”
You hope so
If he has no income from his business he needs to get it from somewhere else

Amei · 15/03/2022 15:08

My boyfriend was refusing to get a job when he lost his, he would apply for one / two a week that were way out of his skill range and kept telling me 'something will come up eventually'. I was on SMP at the time and like you owned our house by myself, paid everything and my mum was helping me out.

I went a bit mad one day when I'd had enough of watching him sit on the sofa all day, told him he had two weeks to get a job, and if he didn't he would be moving out. Low and behold one week later he had a job. But I was so so close to ending it with him.

I feel for you OP xx

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 15/03/2022 15:10

So how did he propose to cover the bills that he had agreed to cover if he gave up employment to start a business? Did he seek your agreement?

Were these discussions about finances repeated as things changed? I can't understand him agreeing to cover the bills then jacking in his job, seems either dishonest or utterly reckless.

Does he have an issue with the house being in your name when you purchased it together? Did you make a legal cohabitation agreement when you bought a house jointly that was put in one person's name? I wouldn't be keen to pay a mortgage on a house I had no ownership interest in.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 15/03/2022 15:11

Ahh sounds as though he has learned a lot from his father.

Original poster
cm1010 · 15/03/2022 15:13

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon

So how did he propose to cover the bills that he had agreed to cover if he gave up employment to start a business? Did he seek your agreement?

Were these discussions about finances repeated as things changed? I can't understand him agreeing to cover the bills then jacking in his job, seems either dishonest or utterly reckless.

Does he have an issue with the house being in your name when you purchased it together? Did you make a legal cohabitation agreement when you bought a house jointly that was put in one person's name? I wouldn't be keen to pay a mortgage on a house I had no ownership interest in.

He saved a lot of money and put that towards the house. His dad even helped with the deposit and work on the house etc. He even says when he can get a mortgage he will go down on the deeds so he did want the house and obvs wants to live here, he just doesn't want to be employed and has this thing about wanting to run his own business as he hates working for other people because it stresses him out when they aren't run properly etc
OP posts:
RB68 · 15/03/2022 15:19

YOu might do better teaching him about marketing rather than sitting waiting for things to pick up

what business is it? Tradesman I would wonder why he has issues as they are so busy at the moment - but also it might just be he needs to understand his costs better and maybe charge more.

But yes your Mum is enabling at the moment and if he wants to stay self employed he needs to get a rocket and sit on it other wise he needs as you say to knuckle down and get alternative work

AgentProvocateur · 15/03/2022 15:19

Honestly, wrapping cars is a money maker when people have spare money. As fuel
Bills rise, and petrol etc, the first thing that people will cut back on is unnecessary expense like caf wrapping.

OohRahhMaki123 · 15/03/2022 15:25

OP, have you asked him how he thinks this month's bills are going to be paid for? What is his response?

I get he doesn't like working for others. But that is a preference, a luxury if you will. Right now he needs to understand he does not have that luxury.

Original poster
cm1010 · 15/03/2022 15:30

@OohRahhMaki123

OP, have you asked him how he thinks this month's bills are going to be paid for? What is his response?

I get he doesn't like working for others. But that is a preference, a luxury if you will. Right now he needs to understand he does not have that luxury.

He keeps saying 'don't worry, there will be money' at the end of the month but then there isn't so I say to him 'how are we going to pay, do you know what will happen if we don't' and he says there's nothing he can do if there's not enough money in the account and just says a marker will go against my name for a missed mortgage payment so this is when my mum has to give the money so this doesn't happen.. he says he's worried but if there's no money he can't do anything about it..
OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/03/2022 15:30

He has this thing about wanting to run his own business as he hates working for other people because it stresses him out when they aren't run properly etc

Tell him you "have this thing" about needing bills to be paid and needing adults to take responsibility.

And I would remind him that if it stresses him out when other people run their business properly, it should really have stressed him out when his business partner was fucking up their joint business.

He should have had a back up plan that involved saving a buffer or going back to work for other people part time while he built a business up again.

Running your own business is stressful. It requires sacrifices, determination and focus. Even then it doesn't work out for some people. I've done it for 10 years and I always say i could never work for someone else again. The difference is, if I had a child and a mortgage I was unable to pay and I was financially fucked then of course I would work for someone else again, at least until I was back on my feet financially.

He's being ridiculous.

Lillygolightly · 15/03/2022 15:30

If your not careful he is going to replicate what his dad did but with you, except you don’t have a boat load of cash. Not that the lack of cash seems to bother your boyfriend at all!! He’s trapped you and trapped you good, you mark my words he will watch you struggle and take on more debts, more responsibility, let you end your maternity leave early because if you don’t you’ll loose your house et etc and before you know it will be 5 years from now and you’ll wonder how time has gone so fast and it will all be because you’ve been so busy that you haven’t had chance to even look up!! All this while he has enjoyed not having a boss because it makes him ‘unhappy’ poor thing!

If he won’t step up for you now when you’ve had a baby, when your mum is having to make your mortgage payments he is NEVER going to step up!!! If you let this carry on in 5 years time your going to wake up and absolutely burn with resentment because he’s been doing his vanity project whilst you’ve been working your socks off holding everything and everyone together.

Asking him to get a part time job is not unreasonable, it’s not like your asking him to give up his business BUT I bet you my house that if the shoe were on the other foot that you would give up your business in a heartbeat and get a job to support and provide for your child!! Think about that!

DogInATent · 15/03/2022 15:32

He details and wraps cars etc. He has started up a new business in the last few weeks with someone who has a very good business head on him and I know the business will make money in time but it's just the fact we don't have the time to wait

Have he and his business partner got a business plan?

  • when does it predict profitability?

What's he doing to make the business work?

  • how much time does it take up?
  • how much time does that leave over, and what's he doing with that time?

Detailing and wrapping are two different, but related businesses. Are both down? How's he marketing them - they're both services that can make people feel better about running older cars for longer, which suits the current economy. They're also very popular businesses and side-hussles. Any detailer that's any good is usually booked out. It takes a good marketing strategy and a lot of work to break into the market.

Has he contacted his Local Enterprise Partnership to see what support is available? - it's unusual for micro-businesses and start-ups to be able to access much, but this has changed recently in some LEP areas.

All the above is about making it work. But it's all going to fail if he has no cash-flow. If that's not coming from the business he wants to run, it's going to have to come (at least temporarily) from doing something he's less keen on.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/03/2022 15:32

he says he's worried but if there's no money he can't do anything about it

Well he could swallow his pride and earn some fucking money working for someone else, that would be a good start.

If he's not willing to do that, does he have anything he can sell to cover the money needed? Or is he also the type happy for you to get a 'mark' against your name financially but keep his PS5 etc?

Manekinek0 · 15/03/2022 15:35

That type of business might not pick up anytime soon. Recent polls have shown people are concerned about money (not surprising with increased costs!) and they will be cutting back not spending.

I have a business, I started it in 2019 and it was doing well. When covid hit I was screwed, newly self employed so no help from the government. I took on any work I could get, which happened to be minimum wage (cleaning, supermarkets, cafe etc). I still do one of these jobs part time as my business hasn't recovered completely and I am concerned that the economic outlook isn't great.

My DH can afford all the bills on his own and I am in a very lucky position of not having to work. But I would rather work any job to contribute for my own self respect. Your boyfriend sound very selfish and needs to accept that if his business isn't making money then it is a hobby.

Loopytiles · 15/03/2022 15:36

Do you have a legal agreement?

MargosKaftan · 15/03/2022 15:45

Another serious talk- "my mum can't keep covering the mortgage until I go back to work. I know you dont want to work for someone else, but if your business is going to take 6 months to build up until it can support us, then those 6 months need to be 6 months I am able to work. Your timing doesn't work. Either you get another part time job while your business builds up, or a full time job elsewhere and try again with your own business next year, or I go back to work full time and you are the stay at home parent with dd. The bills need paying on x April. We need to have £y amount by that date. What's your solution that doesn't involve us losing the house for your dream?"

Go back to work full time when you do an keep savings.