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Original poster

Boyfriends business isn't making money

96 replies

cm1010 · 13/03/2022 22:16

Me and my partner had our baby on December 22nd so I am currently on maternity leave, we have also moved into our new home. He runs his own business but it is not making money and he cannot afford to pay bills so my mum has been paying out mortgage etc. I have asked him to do something about it and he's just waiting for the business to 'pick up' and start making money soon. I told him we don't have time to wait we could lose our home and that we have a baby to think about and have told him he should get a part time job for the time being so he has some guaranteed income. He doesn't want to as working for someone else makes him 'unhappy'. Am I being unreasonable to ask this from him?

OP posts:
Hellzbellz25 · 15/03/2022 12:14

Any decent man would die of shame before letting their partners mum pay their mortgage!

PinotPony · 15/03/2022 13:21

No, you're not BU. He needs to step up and take responsibility.

It's hard when a business doesn't take off but that's no excuse for not supporting his family. When I was on mat leave, my DH was attempting to be a property developer. We had a very limited income so he got a job delivering pizzas in the evening after a full day hanging wallpaper.

Tell your DP to sort his shit out.

Bananalanacake · 15/03/2022 13:25

You own the house, if he isn't paying anything towards the bills he has no claim on the property. Does he file taxes for his business?

Lubeyboobyalt · 15/03/2022 13:30

YANBU

Get a UC claim in - they will make it very clear to him in simple words that your business needs to actually make money

DoubleGauze · 15/03/2022 13:36

Ah , so he doesn't give a shit about the mortgage because it's in your name.

I don't think he's a keeper op.

BornIn78 · 15/03/2022 13:39

If he can’t afford to live in your house then he needs to move out and find someone else to scrounge off.

Then you can start claiming UC, you’ll hopefully be paying less for utilities and get a council tax reduction without another adult in the house. Food will definitely cost you less.

Lay it all out to him -“my maternity pay can’t keep us both, it’s going to cost you £xxx a month to live with me, first payment is due this Friday, otherwise you’ll need to make alternative arrangements and pick up your stuff Friday night after you’ve finished the hobby that you refer to as work”.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 15/03/2022 13:41

You may need to sell the property and move back in with your mum

billy1966 · 15/03/2022 13:42

Move back in with your mum and get this lazy waster out of your home asap.

You are being used.

Get him out.Flowers

lonelydad2021 · 15/03/2022 13:53

I cannot believe he can get away with the lame excuse. A lot of men are unhappy but we do whatever it takes to provide for our children. Kick him out and open a case with CMS.

UKRAINEwearewithyou · 15/03/2022 13:57

YANBU but perhaps the time for the talk was prior to having baby. However, now baby is here a job and run the business along side until it 'picks up'.

user1497207191 · 15/03/2022 13:59

Lots of people take second/part time jobs to pay the bills whilst they're waiting for their business to take off.

Lots of people like shops, cafes, guest houses, etc HAD TO take jobs in supermarkets, deliveries, etc to pay the bills whilst they had to close during the covid restrictions. I'm sure they would have preferred not to work for someone else, but they had no choice.

You and your Mum are facilitating his lazy/unreasonable behaviour and you really need to take a stand. Give him an ultimate to get a job or get out!

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 15/03/2022 14:04

YANBU but perhaps the time for the talk was prior to having baby. she knows and is trying to get out of her current situation. Why does someone always do this. Every single relationships post someone has to come along with a "you made your bed" slap down.

Jaxinthebox · 15/03/2022 14:07

I have to go to work each day to earn money - to pay for my house, heating, bills, fuel, animals, and listen to all sorts of nonsense each day. It does not make me happy.

Being at home with my partner, our dogs makes me happy. But I NEED to earn a living.

Tell him to suck it up, get a job, meanwhile GET OUT your house.

Ragwort · 15/03/2022 14:09

Putin it's sometimes worth pointing out because perhaps some other woman might read the comments and think about these issues before committing to have a child and sharing a home with someone who doesn't pull his weight. It's so depressing how many similar threads there are like this on Mumsnet.

Original poster
cm1010 · 15/03/2022 14:13

@UKRAINEwearewithyou

YANBU but perhaps the time for the talk was prior to having baby. However, now baby is here a job and run the business along side until it 'picks up'.
Before the baby arrived he earned plenty of money when he had a job, unfortunately it is only recently things have taken a turn for the worse in regards to his business..
OP posts:
diamondpony80 · 15/03/2022 14:16

What kind of business is it? I'm self employed and have had periods where income dried up for different reasons. I've had to diversify a number of times over the years. Sometime I've had to take freelance work and work for other people to make up the shortfall. There's no shame in it.

It's never a good idea to rely on one income stream alone when in business and waiting for business to "pick up" is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. When is that going to happen? What if it doesn't "pick up"? You can never wait around when you're in business, particularly if it means someone else has to pay your bills.

AnotherDelphinium · 15/03/2022 14:18

I can understand why he’s not prepared to pay your mortgage… was there some sort of agreement that you’re going to put him on the deeds?

If I was unmarried I wouldn’t be paying anything towards a boyfriends mortgage; half the bills, fair enough, but not the mortgage.

However, I think you’ve gotten yourself a cocklodger, who doesn’t see why he should work if you’re “chilling at home” and it’s time to put your cards on the table.

user1497207191 · 15/03/2022 14:21

@diamondpony80

What kind of business is it? I'm self employed and have had periods where income dried up for different reasons. I've had to diversify a number of times over the years. Sometime I've had to take freelance work and work for other people to make up the shortfall. There's no shame in it.

It's never a good idea to rely on one income stream alone when in business and waiting for business to "pick up" is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. When is that going to happen? What if it doesn't "pick up"? You can never wait around when you're in business, particularly if it means someone else has to pay your bills.

Yes, likewise here. I did a bit of part time teaching at the local college to help with the finances when I started my business. I didn't particularly enjoy it and certainly didn't want to do it long term, but it helped pay the bills.

Lots of people are "unhappy" working in jobs they don't enjoy or working for other people, but they have no choice!

irishfarmer · 15/03/2022 14:23

@AnotherDelphinium

I can understand why he’s not prepared to pay your mortgage… was there some sort of agreement that you’re going to put him on the deeds?

If I was unmarried I wouldn’t be paying anything towards a boyfriends mortgage; half the bills, fair enough, but not the mortgage.

However, I think you’ve gotten yourself a cocklodger, who doesn’t see why he should work if you’re “chilling at home” and it’s time to put your cards on the table.

I think some sort of rent would be appropriate. Which in a would be paying towards the mortgage. Two friends of mine have had bf's move in and split the mortgage cost, as it was cheaper than what they could rent so seemed fair. In one case by a lot! Not just bills, he'd have to pay them elsewhere too and without him there OP could potentially rent out a room.

What sort of business is he involved in? Is it just a lul or has it been on going? I think he needs to go and pick up some paid work and stop relying on his MIL

Original poster
cm1010 · 15/03/2022 14:24

The only reason the mortgage is in my name only is because he was unable to get a mortgage so the house is ours as we both paid the deposit and renovated etc. It wasn't my house before we got together and he's moved in, we actually purchased the house together and we even had the conversation before even trying to a baby that when I go on maternity leave he will be covering most of the bills.

OP posts:
JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 15/03/2022 14:27

So what did you agree about money when he moved in? What about when you got pregnant? And what about when he gave up his job to start his own business?

Presumably you had some sort of discussion?

Unless there's a drip feed he sounds like a lazy workshy cocklodger who didn't really want a baby.

girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 14:27

we actually purchased the house together and we even had the conversation before even trying to a baby that when I go on maternity leave he will be covering most of the bills.

But now he thinks it's ok to let your mom pay?

TabithaTittlemouse · 15/03/2022 14:28

What is he doing to increase business or is he just waiting for it to happen?

Original poster
cm1010 · 15/03/2022 14:29

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon

So what did you agree about money when he moved in? What about when you got pregnant? And what about when he gave up his job to start his own business?

Presumably you had some sort of discussion?

Unless there's a drip feed he sounds like a lazy workshy cocklodger who didn't really want a baby.

He wanted the baby, the baby was planned. We have been together for over six years and have purchased the house together. We have been living together for for five and a half years this is just the first house that we have purchased (in my name) we discussed many times that when we have a baby that he would cover the bills whilst I was on maternity leave.
OP posts:
Original poster
cm1010 · 15/03/2022 14:31

He isn't work shy, he actually works very hard. It's just that his business hasn't made much money due to high rent costs for his current work place and a business partner who is ok good.. he doesn't want to be employed by someone else because it makes him unhappy.. he loves his daughter and does a lot for us.. just does not want to get a part time job for the time being to ensure there is a guaranteed wage at the end of the month to cover bills.

OP posts: