To resort to recording "DH" in an argument

[Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns]

At the end of my tether with my "DH"
We have a small baby, so it's very stressful but "DH" makes everything a million times harder than necessary
He's often cruel or smart arse and then denying it.
Makes sweeping statements of generousity but not actually following through on them ( but in his head ,it's the same)
I have over the years, started to write down and date episodes , so he cannot dent they happened

Today , I'm physically and emotionally done.
After the zillion things argument where he has denied saying something 30 seconds after doing so : I've told him I'm going to start recording him.
And obviously his tact changed immediately.
Is this it? Shall I start to tell him I'm doing it? Is there any fucking point as even when faced with the evidence: he'll no doubt still not have it?
Has this worked for anyone ? I don't mean as a "tool of control" merely to get him to understand what he saying ?
Or am I just normalising a hopeless situation?

If course he knows what he says
Gaslighting is a common technique used by abusers
Recording him and playing it back will change nothing . He will simply twist it another way
Stop trying to win against someone who sounds like a narc and an abuser

@LaingsAcidTab

Never, ever go to couples counselling with him.

Agree . He will manage to twist it . A counsellor for you in your own may help you

Vain hope OP. So sorry, but he isn’t going to change but he will keep crushing you.
Get a lawyer.
Leave - go somewhere safe. You can and must be decisive and strong for your sake and baby’s sake.
X

@IrishKatie1971

I agree 💯

The physiological side effects are enormous too.

@Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns

I just always hope one day that I'll get through to him...

Well you can knock that idea on the head immediately.

And the sort of man who hits his partner - no, they are convinced they are perfectly justified, that this is something they can and should do.

There is no reflection, no remorse.

Why should there be? Violence gets them exactly what they want - an end to a conversation or an argument, and a partner afraid to make waves again.

Hoping he could change if he were to be told off by a therapist or if he could hear himself back from a recording is magical thinking. So is fantasising abut leaving. It's what victims of emotional and psychological abuse do when they know deep down that they are dealing with someone who is toxic. Optimism isn't your friend here.

You need to find therapy for yourself. While you are doing your research, ask therapists if they have expertise in dealing with people living with emotionally abusive partners.

With help from a therapist you can work your way toward disengaging from him and then on to finding a way to leave physically.