CRAZY story from MIL what do I do *(Content warning: concerns historic rape)

[StressedTbh]

HELP
Ok, I'm 22 been with SO for 5 years, (he's 23) we are 2 kids deep. MIL told me 4 years ago on a drunk night she had another child before him, a daughter, she was raped, gave birth to the baby, gave it away to the person who raped her..minutes after giving birth. SO knows she was raped but doesn't know about his mother having another child before him and handing it over, also she was paying money monthly, and the rapist dad was sending photos in return, the daughter is 27 now I think, SO has no clue..neither does the daughter..MIL brings up this daughter everytime she has a drink when SO is not there of course..says she regrets it which I understand. But a lot of the time SO will bring up the fact that he was a only child and wishes he had siblings (MIL brushes it off), we will also sit together and watch long lost family (awkward) and she will say I'm the daughter she "never had". I've tried to get her to tell him but she doesn't want to and says even when she dies she doesn't want him to know. I wish she never told me and now I feel bad and tempted a lot of the time to tell him but I won't because I know it will cause an erupt situation. When she told me originally she made me swear to never tell him but I feel so bad keeping this from him and if it was me and my mum had told him that I know he'd tell me!...well I hope. Just needed to get this off my chest because it haunts me every day. What would you guys do?!!!! Advice please.

@RJnomore1

Christ you lot have had sheltered lives if you can’t imagine this could be true it could of course not be but if it is, do you think the poor woman had told people she had been raped when she gave birth?

Has it not occurred to you the rapist could be a close family member?

And as for making enquiries because a baby wasn’t getting colostrum bloody hell! Lots of babies are bottle fed from birth for various reasons. I can completely see HOW this could happen …doesn’t mean it DID…

Thank you! I wouldn't make this up and neither would she, she told me she's only ever told me and her ex partner because she trusts me. At first I was sceptical but she showed me all the proof and it made me really upset. I am betraying my partner but I don't want to say anything this would cause havoc. SO would definitely want to go and find the man which wouldn't be hard. He knows the name because MIL told him he raped her just didn't include the baby part

@vdbfamily

why not buy him one of those DNA kits for a birthday. If his sister is looking for her mum, she might have also done a DNA test and it will match them!!

He actually done his ancestry dna, I told him to get his mum one aswell for her birthday last year. He did. She was SHOOK I could see on her face when it came in the post, she was hesitant to do it. He has her log in and I pray every day her daughter does one eventually and pops up on there

@caringdenise009

Was this in another country? I gave birth around the same time in the UK, and wonder how she managed to give her baby away minutes after birth. They wouldn't let us out for two days and certainly would have stopped anyone who even tried to leave with a newborn baby, let alone someone separating mother and child.

Me saying minutes after birth probably an exaggeration, more like minutes after leaving the hospital. She did not take that baby home, he did and she never saw the baby again yet was sending money and getting photos. She decided to stop sending money and hasn't got pictures in ages

@Iwonder08

Have you tried talking to her when she is sober? Tell her you are not comfortable hiding anything from your husband. It is entirely possible she made it up

I have and I have asked if she'd tell him she said at one point when he was 14 she was very close to telling him but she backed out and decided she doesn't want him to know !

I’m unfortunately going to be that person,….

Are you certain this story is true? It seems as if she’s playing a mindfuck with you a little bit and she’s enjoying it, next time she brings it up be completely grey stone response and see if it continues
Because there’s a few red flags here.

How old was she when she had the baby ?

@SirVixofVixHall

How old was she when she had the baby ?

She was 20, she then had SO at 25

@AlternativePerspective

Thing is, it’s not that anyone here is disputing that someone could be raped. But she’s over egged it by stating that she gave the baby to the father and paid him money for 27 years.

Assuming she had the baby in hospital the staff wouldn’t have allowed the baby to be removed so soon, especially not with such a young mother having her first child.

Plus the rest of the family would have known she was pregnant. You can’t hide that no matter how hard you try, so assuming she didn’t see any of her family again for 9 months before she had the baby this doesn’t make logical sense.

And if they did know she was pregnant and she simply said that she’d given the baby up for adoption then why would she specifically have chosen the OP to confide what (allegedly) really happened to.

She moved out of her mums house when she was 16. I haven't asked if her mother ever knew, they don't really speak even now as she was also raped at a young age by her mums boyfriend at the time. It was a very abusive upbringing and she didn't really have anyone there for her. I know it sounds farfetched but this is honestly the truth. I've asked 100 questions but don't want to dig to deep and I've never been the one to bring it up. If it wasn't for all the proof she's shown me and everything she's told me I'm not sure what I'd think about it.

How is it even possible to give a baby away minutes after birth? That's not even possible.
The system doesn't work like that. Not by a country mile.
Not buying it. Sorry.

Thank you for all your responses and advice. Can't believe so many of you think this is made up, It is a terrible situation. I am betraying my partner by not telling him but I don't think I can bring myself too. Complete nightmare.

@Justleaveitblankthen

How is it even possible to give a baby away minutes after birth? That's not even possible. The system doesn't work like that. Not by a country mile. Not buying it. Sorry.

This was in 1992 or 1993, the system doesn't work how it does now. Believe it or don't just want some advice please

Nope, still not buying it sorry.

In fact the more you say about this story the more I think it’s fantasy on her part.

So she’s friends with this man on facebook? And his wife? I suspect it’s more likely that she is friends with them and she’s used them to convince you that her story is true.

It’s a bit like people who troll here and post pictures of their sick child or whatever except it then turns out the picture has been lifted from the internet. This is just the RL version of it.

Is it possible that she actualy had an affair with this man and he left her to go back to his wife and had a child with her? And now the MIL is claiming that the child was her’s and the wife just brought her up?

1992 / 1993 ? Then she would be 29 /30 not 27
If mil was 20, and had your partner at 25 (1997/1998) , then either your partner is not 23, or someone cannot do maths

I'd tell MIL that you can't cope with the burden of knowing this secret anymore and you have to tell your DH, say that you want to sit down the three of you and tell him, and you will support her through this, but that you are telling your DH.

I have asked if she'd tell him she said at one point when he was 14 she was very close to telling him but she backed out and decided she doesn't want him to know !

I'm wondering if deep down she does want him to know, (and felt he was too young at 14 to process it) but cannot bring herself to say it to him, thereby using you as the "go-between"....

Whatever is behind her telling you I can understand your predicament OP.

If I were in this situation, I would have to tell my husband eventually, because it would be such a wedge in our relationship.
Imagine he finds out another way and that you knew but kept it from him. That could do untold damage to your marriage.

I would be having a conversation about it when she's stone-cold sober about letting your husband know.

Ah yes @ dfendyr makes a valid point. If the boyfriend is 27 then he was born in 1999, 98 at the earliest. If the daughter is 27 she was born in 1995.

This was in 1992 or 1993, the system doesn't work how it does now. Believe it or don't just want some advice please

Utter rubbish. I had my children in the mid to late 1980's. It wasn't the dark ages and you could not just give away babies.

Me saying minutes after birth probably an exaggeration, more like minutes after leaving the hospital. She did not take that baby home, he did and she never saw the baby again yet was sending money and getting photos. She decided to stop sending money and hasn't got pictures in ages

So how did she explain the absent baby to the health visitors/midwives who visit when you're at home? Belive it or not we had those in the olden days too.

You ARE betraying your partner as you say. Why are you doing that?

Would it be okay for him to keep a Big secret from you?

I don’t think she’s told you the full truth somehow. I would definitely tell your OH though

In your position I would tell her she has to tell your SO as you feel very guilty keeping this a secret and she was wrong to tell you. Give her time say a month and then say you will have no choice but to tell him.

If he ever doing out you knew abs he didn't your relationship would be very damaged.

You could even offer to tell him together.

How much was MIL paying monthly & at what age did she stop paying it?

if the half-sister doesn't know about her own origins, it would be kind to leave her in ignorance. I wonder what the half-sister knows, does she know who her actual bio-mother is.

So how did she explain the absent baby to the health visitors/midwives who visit when you're at home? Belive it or not we had those in the olden days too. quite. The whole story is bullshit.

Obviously none of us have any idea what fantasy this woman is living in but this story is 100% not possible the way she has told it.

And neither does it add up that if these people stopped engaging the moment she stopped giving them money they would want to be friends with her on facebook.

Christ some people are naive.

knittingaddict

This was in 1992 or 1993, the system doesn't work how it does now. Believe it or don't just want some advice please

Utter rubbish. I had my children in the mid to late 1980's. It wasn't the dark ages and you could not just give away babies.

I agree.
I had my children in 1992 and 1994 and indeed it wasn't the Dark Ages and there was plenty of follow up.