Hi Ladies, I welcome any independant opinions on this.
A bit of background first:
We have both been separated from exes for 5 years, my divorce was finalised 2 years ago, his is still at nisi stage. His ex will not engage on discussions re finance, I have seen email and text communications so know this to be the case.
We have been together for just over 2 years and live 2 hours apart.
I have an 18yr old dd and he has 2 younger kids.
I have been travelling to his most weekends rather than bring his kids to mine as this fits around his access times and days.
For the past year we have talked about buying a house together, my house very recently went on the market, he rents a 2 bed flat.
My main concerns are that to buy a house together that is big enough for us and the kids I would have to put in every penny of equity from my house sale. His divorce is not looking likely to happen anytime soon so he has no lump sum to contribute, but he is willing to have a joint mortgage on a new property.
He constantly says how much better off we will be financially as we would be splitting all the bills and how his kids are looking forward to having a bedroom each, there is no mention of how much he is looking forward to being with me at all. I am prepared to relocate and find a new job because I love him, and lately I am beginning to feel like a mug.
When we first met we talked in depth about travelling abroad and very recently I suggested we go away overseas, sometime next year, on a romantic week away, just the two of us.
His response was less than enthusiastic because he thinks his kids should come with us too.
I would hasten to add I suggested a week away last year, just us, and he insisted on the kids coming too which resulted in one of the worst 'holidays' I've ever been on, his kids constantly argue and bicker and absolutely spoilt it.
I told him in no uncertain terms I will not be repeating it again and am so very hurt that he doesnt want to go away with just me.
After the initial honeymoon stage wore off it has become clear that he is not affectionate or cuddly in relationships. I have to ask for a kiss or cuddle, however he does initiate when we have sex. When we are intimate it is wonderful but lately I can't help feeling that is all on his terms too.
He is diabetic and for the past 18 months has also suffered from very frequent migraines. This is impacting on our activities, where we go, how bright the lighting is, what food we eat and being prepared to drop everything if he feels a migraine coming on and has to basically retreat to the car, bedroom or somewhere dark so he can close his eyes and sleep.
Obviously when this happens if his kids are with us I am left to babysit. They are ok kids but at the end of the day I don't drive for hours to see them, I'm there to be with their dad.
A year into the relationship I proposed and he said he will never get married again, I was very upset but respected his decision and do understand as his ex can make life very tricky from time to time.
I feel so bereft, I love this man so much, but I'm getting the feeling I could be making a huge mistake to buy a house and move in together. My friends have been hinting very kindly that I should think carefully and they don't want me to move away, but they are not impartial.
Tell me if I'm wasting my time ladies.......