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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Younger man Opinions please

49 replies

Totallyflattered · 02/03/2022 19:19

I (39f) am have been asked out by a 22 yr old man. I wondered what people think.
To preempt any questions. He has a good job, lives alone, and supports himself. He has no children and is quite mature for his age. We are both single and he is aware of my children and general circumstances. We have known each other for about 3 years.
I have never dated anyone so much younger than myself and although I am attracted to him it does feel like uncharted territory for me.
So what do mumsnetters think?

OP posts:

Original poster

Totallyflattered · 02/03/2022 21:29

@halfsiesonapotnoodle oh so completely what I was feeling. Thank you for reaffirming how I feel. Hope you’re having a good life

OP posts:

CourtRand · 02/03/2022 21:33

Idk. It wouldn't be for me tbh as he's just SO young and at a different level of maturity from you. Our brains aren't even fully developed until 25. Him and your eldest could've been at school at the same time.

But it's up to you, he is an adult and if you both consent then there's nothing truly wrong with it.

MrsBerthaRochester · 02/03/2022 22:12

I prefer younger men, wont go out with guys my age but I think thats far to close in age to your ds. My own eldest is 19 and I know they would hate it if I dated someone under 25. So 27 to 35 is my preferred age range now :)

Lookingoutside · 02/03/2022 22:12

‘@Crystalvas love that attitude. That’s my thinking but I’m aware people will think it’s weird’

Well fuck that!

Enjoy your date OP and let us know how it goes

Crystalvas · 02/03/2022 22:16

[quote Lookingoutside]‘@Crystalvas love that attitude. That’s my thinking but I’m aware people will think it’s weird’

Well fuck that!

Enjoy your date OP and let us know how it goes [/quote]
Hey!!! Wake up!!! I did’t say that look at the thread. OP said that.

user1493494961 · 02/03/2022 22:26

He probably wants to tick a box.

Iwilloneday · 02/03/2022 22:27

Go for it and enjoy! You're not hurting anyone, you're both adults and life is way to short. Be happy 😊

user1471504747 · 02/03/2022 23:05

I think it’s a bit weird how close he is to your sons age.

I personally wouldn’t go for it, but obviously he is a consenting adult so you’d be doing nothing wrong by going for it yourself.

I wouldn’t expect anything more than a shag though.

totallyoutnumbered · 02/03/2022 23:11

A few summers ago I had a fwb situation with a 22 who sounds similar to yours. I was 40. It was bloody brilliant. I'm now happily settled down with someone my own age but have absolutely zero regrets about that summer. I say go for it! Obviously 🤣

CognitiveDissolver · 02/03/2022 23:11

I dated someone 12 years younger. It ended badly and in retrospect it wasn't worth the year it took to get over it. It damaged my career and and I also made some stupid decisions due to being upset.

But he then married someone 18 years older than him and has now left her too, so that may just have been one individual.

At any rate, I would now think about the potential damage more than the short term pleasure and probably not get involved with someone with a 17 year age gap. It really just depends on how you think though and how you feel about it, not anyone else.

BlackCoffeeInAPoolOfSunshine · 02/03/2022 23:22

I think it'd be a relationship you'd need to keep away from your own children because he's much too close to their age for them to be expected to be okay with... Its that rather than the difference between your age and his that's uncomfortable tbh.

Lookingoutside · 02/03/2022 23:31

‘Hey!!! Wake up!!! I did’t say that look at the thread. OP said that.’

@Crystalvas Yeah I know. I included your name because OP was responding to you.

Hope you’re ok now.

Crystalvas · 02/03/2022 23:35

@Lookingoutside

‘Hey!!! Wake up!!! I did’t say that look at the thread. OP said that.’

@Crystalvas Yeah I know. I included your name because OP was responding to you.

Hope you’re ok now.

Not ok with that. You should have quoted OP in your comment not me cos I was just responding to OP comment and you used that.

Justleaveitblankthen · 02/03/2022 23:44

I was like a cat on heat in my thirties and had a few flings with mid twenties guys. Youngest was 25 to my 36 years at the time.
If you want a good time with no strings attached ( and it may be him that wants the attachment by the way ) I say go for it 😉

Lookingoutside · 03/03/2022 00:25

@Crystalvas

I did. Live with it. And maybe drink some water and go to bed.

MunchyMonsters · 03/03/2022 00:46

I wouldn't because that's the same age gap between me and my son.

You do you.

Momijin · 03/03/2022 00:55

He's not much older than one of your kids. Leave him alone.

StarlightLady · 03/03/2022 01:24

Unless you are looking for a mate for life, it’s about passion and chemistry. I’m early 40s, I’ve been there, done it, got the T-shirt (he soon helped me out of that!!) and would do it again.

ChickenStripper · 03/03/2022 01:30

You knew him when he was 19 and he is so near your children's age. He is quite mature. Sounds great 🙄

ralanne · 03/03/2022 02:19

I think there's a power gap here with a person so young. It's unlikely to end happily for both of you. I would enjoy the flattering feeling of being asked but politely decline.

Crystalvas · 03/03/2022 03:44

[quote Lookingoutside]@Crystalvas

I did. Live with it. And maybe drink some water and go to bed.[/quote]
Now you seem drunk and making no sence. Maybe its you whi needs to go to bed. 🤣

FeetTooSmall · 03/03/2022 07:47

OP, I'm 47. I had a fling last summer with a man who was 25 (now 26). My own son is now 23.

From my perspective, I felt embarrassed to he seen with him a lot of the time. He was good looking and good fun. Really sweet. He would made a really good boyfriend - for someone in their 20s... because, knew the initial lust had worn off, there was nothing there to have sustained us long term. We were just at completely different life stages.

My son lives alone and completely independently. He works full time in a graduate role. He's mature, responsible etc hut he's still 23. He still has a lot of life lessons to learn and some of the stuff he says makes me massively 🙄

When I was 40, I was asked out by a 21 year old (he didn't realise the age difference!) and there is no way I'd have even considered that 🤣

There is life that I experienced in 20s that I have no interest in experiencing in my 40s. Oh amd thee was definitely a lower imbalance between me and the 25 year old. To the point thar I walked away from it feeling even more disgusted than before about older men who target much younger women for relationships. That disparity would always play on my mind...

This isn't to say Don't Do It!!!

But do consider what you want from a relationship at this stage in your life and whether he could offer it.

Laptopsandmouses · 03/03/2022 07:53

My view wouldn’t be positive, so you met him when he was eigtheen/nineteen? Have you been attracted to him since then?

And your eldest child is so close to his age, I’d find the whole thing disturbing and I’d say the same if it was a bloke knocking on forty who had met a teenage girl and was thinking of having sex with her when she was 22.

Sorry op, I couldn’t be positive about this.

Laptopsandmouses · 03/03/2022 07:57

@CrumpetStrumpet

Enjoy the moment and shag the arse off him

I'm jealous. I love a younger man but never get to meet any now I'm a single mum.

Can you imagine a man posting this about a woman?

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