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Original poster

Talk about fantasies with DP gone wrong

48 replies

MalfunctioningRobot · 26/02/2022 08:07

DP and I were talking last night and we got onto the subject of fantasies, we both mentioned a couple of things. He said one of his was that he liked the idea of meeting a random couple in a public place and joining in with them.

I was fine talking about this, can see the appeal of most common fantasies and don’t think I’m a prude. But he added to his that if someone asked him to do that he’d say yes. I was a bit surprised he’d actually want to go through with it and said to him, if a complete stranger said come and meet us in a car park or something, you’d say yes? And he said he would.

He doesn’t mean he’d want to do this while he was with me, he knows that would cross a line for me. He would if he was single though. I feel differently about him since he said this and I can’t quite work out why. It’s not because I think he would cheat on me, and not because I have a problem with the fantasy actually being a fantasy, but the fact that he would agree to it if the opportunity arose. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m thinking about it from my point of view, and that I feel it’s quite a dangerous situation to want to put yourself in or something more. Would this be a dealbreaker for other people?

OP posts:
Associatepeggy · 26/02/2022 19:43

I dont really understand why him admitting he would have a threesome, but only if he was single or if his partner was up for joining, is an issue tbh.

Onelifeonly · 26/02/2022 19:45

I think you are confusing fantasy with an intended plan of action. He said he would do it if he was single, but he is not single. I don't think it's an unusual fantasy at all and when one fantasises like this, everything works out the way the fantasiser wants it to. Faced with the actual reality, given he did one day become single, he may not find he actually wanted to go through with it. Or, at least, not with a random stranger who approached him in a carpark. So despite what he said, it is still a fantasy.

I don't see it as a dealbreaker TBH.

bluedodecagon · 26/02/2022 19:46

Mumsnet is hilarious. His terrifying dealbreaking fantasy is a threesome? Were you raised Amish?

I suppose you expected him to say missionary with the lights off and his socks on.

NinjaQueen · 26/02/2022 19:52

I don't get the angst on this one sorry OP. He said if he was single he would do it. He has no idea what he would Actually do in that circumstance, no one really know how they will react to anything till the situation arises. Plus as long as he is with you he will never have to find out.

mumda · 26/02/2022 19:56

LoveHoney do a "cartoon" sexual position of the week. (I'm assuming it's weekly as I look and laugh and don't read the email)
I think they have to show a cartoon, not just because it'd be rude to show a photo of people, but because I suspect they can not actually get any human body into the peculiar forms they show.

StormBaby · 26/02/2022 19:56

It’s a very common fantasy. Most men would shit themselves and run a mile. I’ve tried both MMF and FFM and it’s rubbish, really not all it’s cracked up to be!

Porcupineintherough · 26/02/2022 20:04

Is the point of fantasies not that you let your mind go places you wouldnt take your body then?

MrsMiddleMother · 26/02/2022 21:06

Remember a fantasy is just that and him wanting to join in with strangers wouldn't bother me especially considering what some people may like. Fantasies are deeply personal and honestly I'd feel happy at the fact he was comfortable enough to share his with me.

HollowTalk · 26/02/2022 21:14

It makes me think of it Channel 5 documentary where grubby men in ill fitting masks talks about their fantasies while rubbing their thighs. I would immediately lose all respect for him. He's basically saying he'll shag anyone, no matter who they are.

user1481840227 · 26/02/2022 21:20

It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me for someone to be open to that if they were single.

It would be a dealbreaker for me if I told a partner a fantasy I had and it made them feel differently about me!

fifteentoes · 26/02/2022 21:35

Women really should learn not to ask men about their fantasies if they're not open to hearing about them.

Original poster
MalfunctioningRobot · 26/02/2022 21:40

I know I’m being unfair to be upset when we were just talking about it and it wasn’t a plan.

To be clear though, I’m not bothered about him wanting a threesome, or wanting to swing, dogging etc. I totally get the appeal of those fantasies. The only part that bothered me was that he said if he was offered the chance to go and meet up with a random couple in a car park he’d say yes. Based on my ways of thinking, that seems like a really bad decision for someone to make, but I do understand it’s different for a man too.

I accept I’m being unfair conflating fantasy with reality. Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

OP posts:
Associatepeggy · 26/02/2022 21:43

Its his skills in risk assessment that had you feeling weird?

SleepingStandingUp · 26/02/2022 22:00

In his fantasy, he'd say yes. It isn't the same as him actually saying yes in a scenario that will be an actual thing. In my fantasy I'd let Chris Hemsworth do whatever he wanted to me, dangerous or not. It doesn't mean if he turns up tomorrow I wouldn

whysoserious123 · 26/02/2022 22:04

Probably feel weird because you thought you new him fully and that's not something you thought he would say/be into

WhackingPhoenix · 26/02/2022 22:09

Why on earth would you discuss fantasies if there was a chance you’d be upset by a fairly tame one? Confused

WonderfulYou · 26/02/2022 22:42

I get what you’re saying - someone who has sex with random people are pretty grim.
It’s different if they were attracted to them but your DP doesn’t care what they look like, how old they are etc so I get why you wouldn’t like it. If he just said he wanted a threesome then fair enough.

I’m all for both males and females having sex with as many people as they want to but I had a friend who would literally have sex with anyone. He would go on sites or to swinging parties and have sex with any women he could - it really put me off him.
I need a man with a bit of respect for himself.

However in this instance I wouldn’t get upset about it as we all have fantasies we say we would love to do but actually when the time came we wouldn’t or we would do it in a different way.

user1481840227 · 26/02/2022 23:06

@HollowTalk

It makes me think of it Channel 5 documentary where grubby men in ill fitting masks talks about their fantasies while rubbing their thighs. I would immediately lose all respect for him. He's basically saying he'll shag anyone, no matter who they are.
Immediately lose all respect for him? So would you split up with him then?
SleepingStandingUp · 26/02/2022 23:11

It’s different if they were attracted to them but your DP doesn’t care what they look like, how old they are etc

He's basically saying he'll shag anyone, no matter who they are.

Except this is his FANTASY so of course they're attractive, fit, the man's penis is smaller than his, etc.

If I have a fantasy of being picked up in a hotel by a stranger for sex or going to parents evening and ending up ravaged on the desk by Mr Smith the geometry teacher, do I really have to add "and I would find his sexually attractive?"

bluedodecagon · 26/02/2022 23:22

😂 agreed @SleepingStandingUp It’s a fantasy. Why would you have a fantasy about someone he’s not attracted to? Of course they be good looking and it would be perfect. If he was a truly willing to sleep with anyone he would have in real life.Why would you have a fantasy about someone he’s not attracted to? Of course they be good looking and it would be perfect. If he was truly willing to sleep with anyone he would have in real life.

There’s plenty of dogging sites about.

me4real · 26/02/2022 23:32

What’s the likelihood of this scenario ever taking place? I would say less than 0.000000000000% unless he engineered it first (and paid).

@NobodysGonnaKnow There are plenty of swingers etc- he wouldn't have to pay for it. I've spent time in that scene so I know.

@MalfunctioningRobot This is a hypothetical scenario he's told you a fantasy about. Has he annoyed you in other ways?

Thewindwhispers · 26/02/2022 23:41

I suspect he wouldn’t really go through with it: it wouldn’t be like his fantasy.

I have sympathy though, DH and I have been telling each other fantasies for decades but recently he came up with one that made me very turned off, bit hard to forget - and awkward!

Anyway try to forget it.

liveforsummer · 27/02/2022 08:08

It's one thing saying hypothetically that you'd do it and another completely actually doing so. He'd probably run a mile in reality as others have said. He imagines he'd say yes as that's part of his fantasy, which is just that

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