[quote theautumnalmanac]@EarthSight if Im honest, he's lost a lot of his identity. He sold his motorbike and all of his music gear. He does a bit of DIY when he feels he has time to and seems to enjoy that. Otherwise he doesn't do a lot of what he loves, I can't quite get out of him what that even is.[/quote]
But he's got a full time job and a young child. Lots of women give up their identities for a few years to focus on those things. They change overnight once they've had a baby and it's as if a vision of the baby is glued to their eyes and they can't see past it. He just sounds like that.
It's not wrong to split if there's an incompatibility. That's your decision to make.
I feel confused about this thread TBH. I first read the bit about him doing evenings with your DC and thought oh so he does all the fun stuff whilst you graft does he?! Then I read the next sentence where you say you consider all that stuff tedious. So then I thought if it's not fun for you to do parenting perhaps it's better that he does that stuff and you do housework 🤷 Is it maybe that you just don't really like being a mum and all it entails? Maybe you'll enjoy it more when he's a teenager.
Some things you should let go of. Like his family's presents. So what if they're shit? It's his family and him present buying. You can even make a point of bringing it into conversation asking what did he get you because you didn't see it before he wrapped it. Then they know it's not you, if they're the traditional type who assumes women do these things.
I'd let go of his presents too. If he doesn't get you anything without prompting or just gives you money, do the same to him. Ask him what he wants for Christmas or birthday and if he says he doesn't know, say you don't know either so he needs to decide or he's getting nothing. Then follow through on it and get him a nice card and a cake, if he doesn't let you know! I promise you he'll only do it once! Ask him every single time, unless you've seen something when you're out that you think he'd like then give that and don't worry if you've made a mistake and got it wrong. He clearly doesn't worry if he gets it wrong for other people like his family or disappointed you with his lack of effort.
The things about basic food and routine. I can't get my head around that, because that's me too! I have about 6 meals I do. I stock ingredients for all of them and pick the one I fancy that night. If I want something else I either get takeaway or take longer in the supermarket looking for something different, as a treat for myself basically, although everyone else gets it too obviously. If others wanted something different I'd expect them to cook the meal that night and to have added the ingredients to the shopping list beforehand. Breakfast is cereal and milk, every day. Packed lunches are sandwiches, fruit and a slice of cake, every day. There's no real thinking involved in any of it to wear me out.
Same with clothes. If he doesn't care, pick whatever you like for DC. Why would being able to have free rein on that decision stress you? Have summer clothes and winter clothes, have them all match then just go to the relevant drawer and put something on the DC, no thought needed. If it's winter/raining/windy add a coat for outside.
What's wrong too with mundane activities? I mean, your DC prefers daddy to mummy so daddy must be getting something right? Sorry I know that must be hard to hear.
I don't mean to generalize but consider what jobs you have too. So many times the woman has a job that's lower down the career ladder than the man due to maternity leave and being the default childcare if something goes wrong eg sick DC. So if a person has a full on job then mundane outside work is a break, no? I think the work hard play hard thing only really works for the young and invincible years! So do you have a full on job or not and if not, do you need one? Then maybe you'd lose the twitchy desire for constant newness and adventure outside of work? I don't know if that's how it would go.
Are the any tasks you can offload to him entirely? Eg cars. So he does insurance, booking in for MOT, paying parking/speeding fines admin, dropping and collecting to/from garage for repairs and servicing, keeping them clean inside and out, keeping fuel topped up. So anything car related you just tell him, then forget about it because it's his job to sort out. And go ballistic if he doesn't eg if you're late for work because you had to stop for fuel. Or if not cars, some other necessary job that you 100% delegate to him everything to do with it.
And if you want a holiday or whatever accept that he'll only share the doing of it with you not the planning. But don't then tolerate any moaning or sulking whatsoever about what the plan is. Because you asked him about the plan and he said he didn't care.