‘Dating Ghosting’ :(

[LydiaViolet25]

Heya guys seeking wisdom-advice-talk.

I had a man I was dating for a few months however he ceased communication like out of just nowhere and was being off alittle and quiet so when I got ignored and blocked a few weeks ago from all ways of being able to contact him he’s come back a few weeks after it by apologising saying it was nothing to do with me that he had a bad time and he got really down because his ex wife stopped him seeing his 2 children because of an issue of their “financial agreement” from their divorce 4 years ago basically ex wife stopped paying the mortgage of the family home like it was agreed on their financial
Settlement court order so when he confronted her on this the ex and that she had missed numerous payments but it had been happening more frequently recently and that she was breaching the court order would it says to do this ex got ‘nasty’ stopped him seeing the kids so he said he had to focus on going to court to see the kids and sort out the financial order at court and he got very down and depressed so blocked everything out but that he was ‘sorry’ but he had to focus on himself with no distractions as he was “spiralling down” he seemed pretty upset and genuine he said he wanted to give me an explanation and although he doesn’t deserve me he said he wanted to let me know …
but at the end of the day he ignored me for a few weeks and then blocked me from all forms of communication and I just don’t know if I can get over it but he keeps saying he doesn’t deserve another chance but would like another chance with me. I do have compassion as he loves those kids and sees them often but I just wish he would of told me about all that instead of blocking me and he keeps apologising saying he knows that but he was in a dark place and focusing on court and was sorry for the ignoring and blocks
Has anyone been through anything like that or would you forgive someone who blocked you or is it depending on the reason if you can forgive?

@ALittleBitConfused1 you’re 💯 xx

@blackdumpling 💯 I’ve just read all that and yes I would agree with your entire post (yes I agree I’m an empathic person and all that)
…I really don’t want to go back to all the uncertainty and ghosting me continually x

Rescue pets not men
You're risking your heart getting
Broken big time babe

@blackdumpling and thank you for being here - I really don’t want to go back even though I still care it’s not good to keep having that happen to me and I’m going to have to be strong and keep my boundaries . I just agree with your post so much x

@haikyew yeah I know :( these last few posts have really hit home to me x

Lydia,

You are a strong independent woman.

You can survive this.

You can live life without him.

Think about what amazing adventures/opportunities/men you are missing out on whilst this twat still occupies brain space.

We are all behind you waving pom poms encouraging you to learn from this and move on.

Don't try to save this guy, this relationship, this connection.

Your future is brighter without him than with him.

@Boiledbeetle I am your right I’m really independent too. I’m not doing I’ve tried for so long and keep getting worse even though I was understanding and kind it seem to just go worse and led to ghosting and then blocking and then unblocking … the only thing that makes me think is what do these guys get out of it if no sex at that point / no proper consistent communication …what’s the point and that’s what has been hurtful the on and off of it even though he has admitted I haven’t done anything to warrant being ignored (I know I didn’t!) feel like my good nature has been taken advantage of and after reading these last posts really him home and I’m not going back

Sorry there was a typo I meant to say - after reading these last few posts really hit home and I’m not going back *

Yay!!!!!

Will respond more in a minute!

But needed to get a quick Yay!! In

Men like this pick up on the empathetic qualities and use them to their own advantage.

They wear you down, constantly pushing the boundaries of what you will put up with. Until they have you at a point where you never question anything and they can come and go as they please shagging whoever they want knowing the little woman is at home on the back burner regardless of how badly he treats her.

It's all about him.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4484902-Was-he-love-bombing-or-have-I-got-issues

And if you need further info read this thread, this poor lady is living a slightly different version of what your guy has done

@Boiledbeetle that was an interesting read the other lady’s post! The only different is he didn’t ask me to move in or marry nothing like that but made gestures he was thinking about me more seriously and saying he was falling in love etc and that was quite early on and I never said anything back like that, one thing when he does this space / goes off the lady seemed to text or try to start of communication - I just left it to see how long he would go inbetween only occasionally I would text and if he didn’t answer I thought oh here we go again another random ghosting session only days after saying how much liked me! Defo had elements of this ‘love bombing’ that I have just read in that thread too..

@Boiledbeetle all about him.. yeah I do not want to be that kind of woman AT all

@LydiaViolet25

out of curiosity does it help seeing the other women's slightly different version?

I mean without doubt that lady was definitely not helping herself, and was doing a lot of chasing that you as a strong independent woman was not.

But hopefully there are enough similarities that you can start to see that there is a certain type of man that most certainly get their kicks out of treating women like toys that they can pick up and put down at will whilst expecting you to be sat there waiting patiently the next time they want to play.

The good thing about all this is, with the next man you meet this is a whole level of shit that you know you will never put up with again.

Right?

@Boiledbeetle yeah it did help seeing that

She was doing more chasing yeah I just would not of done that. When we was not talking or asked for time I would not keep calling or texting if someone says they need space. Mine was just random mid conversations he would then ghost for days in mid conversation and then this last time he ghosted for a few days I never contacted him seeing how long it would be as he never got back to a reply message I sent him then after that time I got blocked ha. But yes seeing that you can start off with a similar man love bombing and then picking up and putting down when it’s convenient to them. Lots of realisations now and one thing I’ve got clear now that no matter the situation there was no need to block me when I had done absolutely nothing but always been nice I’ve come to realise all this it’s hurtful but yeah I wouldn’t put up with this again in another date / relationship ! X

@LydiaViolet25

The more detached you get from your own situation the more you will see that he was playing you from the very beginning. He was pushing the boundaries to see exactly how much shit you were willing to put up with.

As I said, I think yesterday, if you were to let him back in now he would ghost you and block you every time he thought you were escaping his hold on you.

I'm glad you've seen the light with this man, life really is to short to put up with crap like he was pulling.

With the next man you date if he starts to pull the same shit, don't let him get away with the ghosting mid conversation shit. Pull them up on it, and inform them you are worthy of more respect from someone you're dating. And if they continue, well then you tell them you don't want to be with someone who is incapable of respecting you.

Some men will happily treat you as badly as you'll let them. So don't let them.

@Boiledbeetle yes that makes sense now that you say that because it would be on repeat he would not contact me for days at a time and it’s strange in itself (I’m not one of those people that needs to be texted all day but when someone is interested or dating surely even one text or call every day or every couple days is normal not prolonged days / weeks inbetween contact with someone your ‘dating’ you’re right being stringed along and pushed for how much is being put up with

I do believe that now that he would ghost and block me again now that he’s done it he’s ghosted a few times like I said going many days no contact repeatedly inbetween mid general conversation then the one block came so I realised this is going to her worse it got worse over time more lengths of time without contact etc. i will not put up with this again no matter what the situation ghosting or blocking is never ok. Thanks for chatting to me on this post and thanks to everyone because it has made me realise
Take care ♥️

If you give him another chance he will keep doing it. You will have shown him your bar hight. You need to raise your bar.
I've had 2 guys in my life do this. I kept giving them chances because I liked them but eventually I saw sense and saw them for the using pillocks they are.

@RedFlagsAllOver I know that’s what I’ve realised , I’m upset of course but I don’t want to go through it all again. He’s flaky too . Is that how your 2 guys were? Leaving many days in between conversations too and just general flakiness / he also said he missed me but didn’t arrange to actual see me - bizarre never had that before but now I have I know the signs , since this post from beginning to end I decided not to 💯 not go through it again