‘Dating Ghosting’ :(

[LydiaViolet25]

Heya guys seeking wisdom-advice-talk.

I had a man I was dating for a few months however he ceased communication like out of just nowhere and was being off alittle and quiet so when I got ignored and blocked a few weeks ago from all ways of being able to contact him he’s come back a few weeks after it by apologising saying it was nothing to do with me that he had a bad time and he got really down because his ex wife stopped him seeing his 2 children because of an issue of their “financial agreement” from their divorce 4 years ago basically ex wife stopped paying the mortgage of the family home like it was agreed on their financial
Settlement court order so when he confronted her on this the ex and that she had missed numerous payments but it had been happening more frequently recently and that she was breaching the court order would it says to do this ex got ‘nasty’ stopped him seeing the kids so he said he had to focus on going to court to see the kids and sort out the financial order at court and he got very down and depressed so blocked everything out but that he was ‘sorry’ but he had to focus on himself with no distractions as he was “spiralling down” he seemed pretty upset and genuine he said he wanted to give me an explanation and although he doesn’t deserve me he said he wanted to let me know …
but at the end of the day he ignored me for a few weeks and then blocked me from all forms of communication and I just don’t know if I can get over it but he keeps saying he doesn’t deserve another chance but would like another chance with me. I do have compassion as he loves those kids and sees them often but I just wish he would of told me about all that instead of blocking me and he keeps apologising saying he knows that but he was in a dark place and focusing on court and was sorry for the ignoring and blocks
Has anyone been through anything like that or would you forgive someone who blocked you or is it depending on the reason if you can forgive?

No, just no, ghosting is a terrible thing to do and if he thinks it's in any way ever acceptable he could do it again

[quote LydiaViolet25]@KilmordenCastle yeah I know :( that’s exactly what I thought truly honest men that are interested wouldn’t ghost no matter what’s going on surely :([/quote]
They really wouldn't! Honestly, just bin him off. If you give this guy a chance then it's only going to end in heartbreak for you. Besides, even if he is actually telling the truth, then it sounds like way too much drama and is still no excuse for ghosting you.

The saying "plenty more fish in the sea" really is true and I'm certain that you can catch a better one than this guy!

He didn't just ghost you. He wasnt just too busy/stressed to write to you. He actively blocked you.

That takes effort. It doesn't just happen. He made the conscious decision to cut you out of his life. And ensure you couldn't contact him either.

Have a think on that. And what that means he thinks of you

I also agree I don't think it was this highly convoluted story about his ex (also agree you shouldn't be hearing how mean his ex is at this point. Always a warning sign)

Honestly I think whatever other relationship he had on the go didn't work out so he's back.

@notthatonethisone that’s what I thought it’s the actual blocking that bothered more than just the ignore / not talking . But to me why get back in contact and block after 3 weeks? Did he regret it or like you suggested was he with someone else (I have asked that and of course he said no there’s no one else) it’s if I believe that or was it the family drama that made him think he can’t do a relationship best to block so then there’s no chance to reignite the relationship but then regretted it three weeks later?

[quote LydiaViolet25]@notthatonethisone that’s what I thought it’s the actual blocking that bothered more than just the ignore / not talking . But to me why get back in contact and block after 3 weeks? Did he regret it or like you suggested was he with someone else (I have asked that and of course he said no there’s no one else) it’s if I believe that or was it the family drama that made him think he can’t do a relationship best to block so then there’s no chance to reignite the relationship but then regretted it three weeks later?[/quote]
You're still trying to make excuses for this man. A man who discarded you like you're rubbish. The mind boggles. Are you really so desperate for a man that you'd excuse such reprehensible behaviour? You should want better, you're worth better.

He's giving you a load of old pony. Don't fall for it.

[quote LydiaViolet25]@notthatonethisone that’s what I thought it’s the actual blocking that bothered more than just the ignore / not talking . But to me why get back in contact and block after 3 weeks? Did he regret it or like you suggested was he with someone else (I have asked that and of course he said no there’s no one else) it’s if I believe that or was it the family drama that made him think he can’t do a relationship best to block so then there’s no chance to reignite the relationship but then regretted it three weeks later?[/quote]
If you have to ask the question I don't think any of us can help you.

It's clear as day to me. But it's always easier as an impartial viewer.

He thought so little of you he blocked you. Even if you believe his cock and bull story about being too stressed (too stressed to send a message to explain what was happening). Do you really want to be with someone who could callously cut you off like that with no explanation?

Would you not think he'd do it again?

But like I say. I completely believe he had other irons in the fire. He only unblocked you when that fizzled out.

I'm really sorry. As I can see you want to believe the best in him. But sometimes the truth is staring you in the face.

@Aquamarine1029 no I’m really not desperate at all it’s not a him or nothing kind of thing at all I guess I’m just torn alittle that’s all can’t help to care for him last few months not this shit*y thing happened with the blocking and I did move on I was upset of course but I knew it was nothing about me I just thought it random so when he’s come back 3 weeks later full old apologies it’s obviously made me think I’m not saying I’m 100 percent going back and even said if I did accept a date it would need to be extremely slow (I mean I wouldn’t be sleeping with him untill it’s proven that this is a recurring thing I mean if he did it again if this had been second time after first time forgiven then I would be 100 percent it’s done , but with being 1st time and the heart felt talk etc I’m like 80 percent no 20 percent yeah if he can prove himself , is that wrong to feel like that
😢
I mean people forgive their partners for cheating on them even there is some forgiveness in things surely if one is open and apologising in a genuine way?
Either way I’m not making a decision or I’m going back yet that easy that’s why I came seeking some advice on here just reading all the comments

@notthatonethisone yeah I can understand that you’re right aswell. But blocking/ignoring for 3 weeks seems like a short amount a time to meet someone and fizzle out for example now if this had been 3 months or more getting back to me / unblocking me I would be 100 percent saying on your bike lol

[quote LydiaViolet25]@notthatonethisone yeah I can understand that you’re right aswell. But blocking/ignoring for 3 weeks seems like a short amount a time to meet someone and fizzle out for example now if this had been 3 months or more getting back to me / unblocking me I would be 100 percent saying on your bike lol[/quote]

But here's the thing. If anyone blocked me for ANY amount of time I'd be out.

because to me it says they don't give a fuck about me or my feelings.

You're worth more than that. Don't you think?

He still could of said he wasn't in the right place for dating instead of ghosting, the trouble is if you allowed him back in your life he could be just as fickle again.
Men that disappear like this normally aren't to be trusted.

I'll be honest, op, your thread is one of the most depressing and frustrating ones I've seen for a while. This man has given you the absolute gift of seeing him for who he truly is early on, how low and callous he can be, yet you're still going to give it another go. You say you haven't decided, but sorry, I don't think you're being honest about that. For some reason you are hellbent on him being a decent person, even when evidence points to the contrary. So, so many women on here post to lament how they ignored the blatant red flags waving in their face, and went on to waste so much precious time with horrible, feckless men. Are you really going to be one of them?

@Aquamarine1029 no I haven’t decided yet that’s the truth.
I don’t want to be one of those women of course not :( I’m leaning to more No than yes but all I was doing was weighing up how genuine I thought his apology was that’s all and see if I wanted to watch how it goes after his apologies see if his apologies and actions then match up if what he is saying now is true -that’s all or other option is to not bother watching at all. I did think he was a ok person originally that’s what thrown me

Op,

Whether he's telling the truth (he's not) or lying (he most definitely is) is irrelevant.

He ghosted you. He blocked you.

That is who he is.

As you are not a teenager you do not need that level of drama in your life.

This is what i think happened:

He liked you, but was still looking elsewhere.

He saw someone he thought he might like more than you.

He tried her out for a few weeks .

It didn't work out.

He decides that he's got nothing to lose by giving it another shot with you.

He lays it on thick about the ex, the kids, the house blah blah blah in the hope you'll go "oh you poor sweet baby, come lay your head against my warm heaving bosom".

And if you don't, well he'll just try the next one on his list.

Seriously, life is too short to put up with shitty self centred men.

If you let him back into your life he will do this over and over and over and over and over.

Every argument, every disagreement, every time he doesn't want to do what you want, every time he sees someone's he fancies he'll go AWOL and then come back with some sob story.

Don't do this to yourself.

Tell him to fuck off and then block him.

You'll live to regret it if you give him a second chance

@Boiledbeetle of course that could be a possibility :(

The only thing is I did not welcome him back with open arms or say poor baby I was annoyed and upset and told him so. If he went awol by blocking me again then I know 100 percent I would never accept him back as a partner/date him I would never hear 2 sob stories after 2 blocks for example , all I was saying was because it was first time was I weighing up if I thought his apologies were genuine … maybe I thought they were because my ex kicked off after our financial agreement and I had to go through court and it was immensely stressful I felt awful and very much down can’t say I would of block someone no but then I don’t know but I remember being very stressed that I didn’t know what I was doing while and if I had been with someone it would of been a mess I’m sure (again no excuses or leaning towards accepting going back with him I’m just saying so) x

Lydia,

Seriously you are tying yourself in knots over this. It honestly doesn't matter why he did it. It matters that he did it.

He is not the man you want him to be.

I don't know you but i can guarantee two things

One: you deserve better
Two: you will find better (just as long as you get rid of this tosser)

Oh and I would bet money on his apology not being genuine

Did he know what you went through with your ex and your financial settlement?

@Boiledbeetle no I never told him about that I never gave out any of personal details other than me and ex have a house and I pay mortgage nothing about it being financially ordered through the court x

@Boiledbeetle I know :( it matters that he did it that’s right and he did do it

Really? You can't say you wouldn't block someone because of stress?

I think you know you wouldn't. Because it would be a cowardly shitty thing to do.

He left you for three weeks not knowing what the fuck was going on.

But I'm finding this increasingly frustrating. I don't think you want to see it. So there's not much point.

I'm guessing you really liked this guy and imagine that this thread hasn't been great to read but you know you can do better than some emotionally stunted guy who puts himself first.

I agree with the PP who said that him blocking you was an intentional thing.

If the contact had just fizzled out (without blocking) then he got in touch full of apologies and explanations, I could probably find it in me to give him a second chance, like you say, if his life’s a bit bonkers at the moment and he just hadn’t had as much time to dedicate to contacting you and maintaining the relationship.

But the blocking? No. That puts a whole other spin on it. Numbers aren’t automatically blocked after a certain length of time of not being used. He made a decision, a conscious decision, for whatever his reason, to block you. He had to pick his phone up, scroll around a bit to find your number and select “block number”. That’s not something you do by accident. That’s something you do on purpose. For a reason. With intention. Why does that sort of behaviour deserve a second chance?

My friend has been on a rollercoaster with a guy like this. He's not given her exactly the same tale, but he kept blocking her and telling her "You know I'll always come back". Then she's all giddy as a kipper when he gets in touch again. This has been going on since August.

He's told her that he's never met the right woman, there's a crazy nutcase of an ex, he can't come and see her because his car is a Motability one that he has for his brother and he can't leave his brother ... all a load of absolute tosh.

I had her sobbing on Christmas Eve asking why she's so worthless that he does this to her, why he is so cruel and why he couldn't have waited until after Christmas (what, and string her along another week?). Then she was happy as Larry when he got in touch on Boxing Day to say he didn't know why he'd blocked her.

She was all chipper when he got in touch on Valentine's Day. I'm waiting for the next blocking - I cannot understand why she puts up with it and blames herself when he is an absolute tool.

And the guy you are writing about is just the same. Not worth even thinking about.

You can say absolutely you forgive him and you understand how he feels, but you're not willing to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like that. You wish him well in the future and you both move on.

That's the only way to have any respect for yourself.