Valentine's Day pressure

[BirdsBirdsBird]

DH announced on Friday that he'd taken the day off so we could do something nice for Valentine's Day. I usually do something with a friend on Monday afternoons, and would have preferred some notice, rather than letting her down but never mind it's nice that he's made an effort I thought.

His plan though is to drive 1.5 hours to a seaside town, which I do love visiting in the summer, but out of season there is nothing to do and he mentioned that the weather was forecast to be raining. I've tried to have another conversation this evening, but he just repeats that he likes to have a drive out, although it might be raining when we get there.

The problem is - I don't like having a drive for the sake of it. I get quite car sick and as a child spent part of every holiday being sick in the back of a car as my grandparents lived 7 hours drive away.

I eventually reminded DH that although I knew he liked a drive out, I didn't and couldn't see what he thought we could do when we got there, other than walk in the rain. Now he is looking sad and making me feel like an ungrateful cow. AIBU?

@Whatamessimin

So basically you've spat your dummy out because your DH wanted to surprise you with a drive to a seaside town you like and you can't spend the afternoon with a friend as planned, and your using the weather and intermittent travel sickness as excuse as to why you wouldn't want to go here in February but it's fine in June.

Yup YABU.

If he'd booked a spa day or a couple of nights in Paris would he have to have consulted you and the weather forecast first? Doubt it.

Agree with others. You seem hard work and your response is more sulky than you DH. Poor bloke can't win

Have you been to a seaside town on a rainy day in February - as a tourist..?

Have you been to a seaside town on a rainy day in February

Yeah, was born and brought up in one, TBF is pretty shit,

Does the car sickness only happen on wet days?

@RedRobin100
Lots of times actually.
It's a great time of the year to see the wildlife and seal pups, there are lots of lovely places to eat that won't be over crowded. The shops are open, he may have been planning on letting her choose a lovely gift when they had arrived.
The only things closed are the arcades and funfairs, and tbh they're the worst part of our great British coastline

There isn't a mass exodus just because it's out of season. Life still goes on I these places

The point I was making is the op had stated she liked this place, how would anyone be expected to know its weather dependent?! and even during our summer we still get rainy days then.

It's not like they were going to arrive to an abandoned boarded up town!

If I'd planned a surprise day out for someone special to a favourite place and they had reacted the way op had, I'd be upset and sulky too and it'd be the last time I planned anything for them.

And as for the weather, pop a decent coat on and problem solved!

But doesn't mind the travel sickness in summer?

Have you been to a seaside town on a rainy day in February - as a tourist..?

Yes - it's character forming!

'So everyone is confirming that for men, any attempt at a romantic gesture is indeed enough, even if it is the opposite of what their partner would actually want to do. Great to learn this, I thought we'd moved on from the 1950s but clearly not, I will go and apologise profusely and spend the day pretending to enjoy myself and generally worshipping at his feet.'

Yes exactly. EVERYONE on this thread has CONFIRMED the above. That's word for word what everyone said. No exceptions.

You are amazing at listening to people and you never jump to extreme, divisive and self defeating conclusions. That's why it's so weird someone with your level of insight and emotional curiosity has found themselves in conflict with their spouse.

There's no nuance in any relationship or communication ever. It's all one of two extremes. There's no middle ground. There's no 'meh that's not perfect but it'll do'. Everything is either deserving of 'worship' or it's entirely wrong and offensive and akin to strapping every woman into a time machine and dumping them in the 1950s. Anyone who disagrees is part of the problem.

Actually, given how completely cut and dry all issues are, Mumsnet should probably shut this whole website down.

Honestly, how is this attitude working for you OP? Does it make you happy? Do you feel you are good at solving interpersonal problems or do you tend to get stuck?

Here I am - hoping for a description of the day too 😂😂😂

A lot of these people don't get it. Your post clearly points to the fact that he didn't choose something that you both would enjoy. After 20 years together, he should know you by now. If that were me, I would be a little bothered. I do believe V-Day endorses more pressure on men than women though. Do you both show ways you appreciate each other? A conversation about this may be a good place to start.